#how high do I have to be to understand things like this

[inkskinned]

i. there's this video of a guy dancing on his tiptoes. i will begrudgingly admit the song is kind of catchy actually. i don't think it's the worst song i've ever heard. he seems passionate about it. but it is embarrassing, how he's dancing.

ii. you know where this story is going, unfortunately, and so do i.

iii. three weeks ago i had to drag half a dead rabbit out of my dog's mouth. i was just recently discussing how cruel things feel lately. that the way the world is shifting feels mean. three days ago, a random woman rolled down her window to snap at me because she missed her turn. this is now routine.

iv. 11 years ago in october, i made a post about how we shouldn't make fun of people for doing brave, vulnerable things. it has over 400k notes. people - at the time - seemed to generally agree with me. we have all felt shy and insecure when we share an intimate part of ourselves. we have heard someone at a concert say "that's fucking embarrassing" and said to ourselves - oh, this person is unsafe to be vulnerable in front of. we have said i can't act like that in public. we have left our art and passion in the dark. i think there will never be enough graveyard space for the art we have killed because what if others shame me for it.

v. the thing i was bullied for in high school was because i was a "predatory lesbian." a popular girl i'd literally never spoken to just decided she didn't like me and announced i was "stalking" her. to this day i have no idea what motivated this - i think i was just shy and poor and awkward and ugly. the perfect target. what they don't really ever show in movies is how quickly it moves, how suddenly strange people in the hallways are attacking you about it. they also don't show you that the bullies get this strange ... glee out of it. like, it's fun for them. it's enrichment. everyone else is in on the joke. suck it up, kid.

vi. so far, from what i have seen, creators that stand up for the musician all seem to have the same story: when i asked why we're bullying a random guy, people actually got mad that i asked. i've had similar things happen to me when i ask for us to be less comfortable with our anonymous cruelty. when an internet stranger says "be kind, it saves lives" - people find it funny to say fuck you i hope everyone kills themselves. pages and pages of people saying the same bullshit. sitting in their little caves, eating their own humor. it's just genuinely exhausting. the natural endpoint of "cringe culture" is that even kindness is cringe-worthy.

vii. loneliness is an epidemic. but where are you going to make your community? call your representative. go back to bed about it.

viii. due to how i was raised, i am always confused by cruelty. i understand the american isolationist belief "i can do whatever i want" - sure. but why wouldn't you want to be kind? i have lived too many bad things. i cannot be the epicenter of someone else's bad dream.

ix. it's just that if we were going to bully someone relentlessly, why is it never the healthcare CEOs. why isn't it the fascists. why isn't it, like, someone who you could at least argue "deserves" it. why is it always just some guy in socks singing a pretty mid song? or a person that doesn't look like you, just, like existing.

x. it's just that i think people enjoy doing it. they want to do it because they get some kind of masturbatory release from it - like a shrug or a splinter, they all seem to say the same thing - come on, it's funny.

xi. the world is sometimes beautiful, and sometimes you make something. the world is sometimes terrible, and you are worried they won't accept what your hands can wring. you open the instagram comments and they're still saying all sorts of shit to just - like - a normal guy. and some part of you thinks: if that was me. good lord. if that was me i'd -

xii. somewhere there is a graveyard. someone is already burying their hopes and dreams.

[the-autistic-vulcan]

So Loud, Yet so Hushed (Thunderbolts x Mute!GN!Reader Headcanons)

Request: For a heacannoncrequet please for Thunderbolts: Being the youngest member who is mute? Really like your stories! - Anonymous

Description: Headcanons on being the youngest member of the Thunderbolts and being mute

a/n: Reader is a Thunderbolt, Reader is mute, except able to express themselves through making noises. Reader isn't a specific age, but we'll say they're between 18 - 21 I've done as much research as I could, so I hope I do this justice!

gif credit: @princesssunderworld, @scorpiovelaryon

You are an assassin, just like the rest of them, so you already ticked the box on that part. But one thing that the team wasn't really made aware of, was your mutism (which we'll say Valentina neglected to let them know that)

They appreciated the quiet, especially Yelena and Ava - they got annoyed with the men bickering over stupid stuff, but liked you were to yourself

Until they realized you were too quiet

You were sat in your room in the tower one evening, Yelena, Ava and Bob went to go crash there just to hang out

Until Bob unceremoniously asked "...hey...you're really quiet...why's that?"

Before Ava could scold him for being insensitive, Yelena stopped her and asked you herself

Hence you wrote on your notes app "I am mute. I cannot speak at all."

They were there to give you full support, and also debrief the others - with varying success

Bucky kind of went into 'parental mode' when he heard the debrief

John was...John. He just patted your shoulder and moved on - but he was going to try

Alexei, being Alexei, despite having a very chequered past, was also willing to try

Yelena likes to sit with you and listen to music together - especially if it's anything rock or metal related. Even if it isn't, she likes to see you swaying or making some sort of happy noise

Bucky likes to spar with you, offering words of encouragement and even trying to ask for criticism from you on his technique. With a little time, you both learn to communicate via signs that he used in the army back in the '40s

Ava and John help you in a more cognitive sense, in that they teach you some skills that maybe you hadn't acquired yet - they figured cooking would help with your communication skills. And when the food is burning, you three just laugh at it all, earning a few huffs of relief from you

Alexei tells you stories of his glory days, even complimenting your style of fight and comparing them to his own. Other times, he offers you a sympathetic shoulder - it's mostly for him to make up for being a bad father, so he'd thought he would try again. But you let him know in your own way that he is doing his best

Now you and Bob are the closest in age and predicament - he struggles just as much as you do - even if you both don't suffer with the same things. In his case, Bob reads with you. He'll take time to try and get to know the types of books you read - and considering he had lost so much time out in the world, he wanted to catch up on the latest books

There are days where not even a sound would leave you - whether due to high levels of stress, a mental health episode or something completely out of your control happened

Bob, Yelena and Ava are the first to notice. Bucky and John take note also, and Alexei just straight up asks you what's going on

You write in your notes app that you're just not up to socialize, no matter how much progress has been made to accommodate you

The good thing is that they understand that feeling, and give you the space you need

If you still want to be around them, you guys just watch a movie together or sit in silence

The Thunderbolts are a strange bunch, nothing in their minds would tell them otherwise

You were basically the little sibling. And they would do anything to make sure you were happy, healthy and safe.

Like, Comment and Reblog! Have an idea? Drop it in my inbox!

[gracie-eilish]

roommate! billie au [pt 2]

part one

warnings: mention of hookups

an: i’m going based off my own college experience for age. billie and reader are 18 as of right now.

roommate! billie, who was kind enough to have her hookups at their place and not yours. but what she didn’t realize was the opening and closing of the heavy dorm door at 4:37am, without fail always woke you up behind your sleep mask.

roommate! billie, who couldn’t understand why she hated hearing you talk about that cute guy in your boring history class.

roomate! you, who couldn’t understand why you hated hearing her talk about last nights hookup or that cute girl in her production class.

roomate! billie, who held you in her arms when that cute boy from history class took you on a date just to ghost you.

“he didn’t deserve you anyway,” she’d say soothingly. “i mean what does he even have going for him??”

“he’s really pretty,” you mumbled into her shoulder. she stifled a laugh at how cute you were being.

“okay, that’s fair. BUT! he still doesn’t deserve you, love.” your heart rate picked up at the pet name.. love. your friends in high school didn’t really use pet names with each other, reserving them for partners or crushes only. this was new.

roommate! billie, who was always fiddling with her guitar. plucking new progressions, or softly humming a rhythm she was working through, scribbling in her little journal.

roommate! billie, who started to play/sing some things for you, asking for advice, letting you in on some secret projects she was working on:)

roommate! billie, who started to cherish your evenings in the dorm together more than the parties you went to, or her hookups on weekends.

roommate! you, who started to cherish your evenings in the dorm together more than the parties you went to, or your boys you dated around with.

one particular rainy early october evening, you both were clad in comfy clothes, working on homework, journaling, writing, just sharing the comfortable silence together. your room had been decorated for halloween, little pumpkin string lights over the window, ghosts and goblins and spiders littered the surfaces of your room, cheap gel window clings of spooky characters covered the glass… you two had a thing for decorating for holidays you had discovered.

your phone buzzed on your desk, picking it up to see his name on the caller id. you let it ring, setting it back down.

“who’s that?” billie mumbled, not looking up from her notebook.

“y/situationships/n.” {your situationships name}

“why’d you ignore him?? i thought this was kinda going somewhere??”

“meh. i’m enjoying your company right now.. don’t really wanna leave.”

her heart fluttered.

roommate! billie, who insisted you two do a matching halloween costume. something cheesy, like glinda and dorothy, or a dalmatian and firefighter, or buzz lightyear and woody.

roommate! billie, who pretended not to know how to do a certain makeup skills so you’d have to do it for her before the halloween party you both were attending.

roommate! billie, who sat on the bathroom counter while you did her eyeliner for her. you noticed but didn’t say anything about the blush creeping up on her skin the closer your faces got.

roommate! billie, who didn’t let you go all night. always a hand around your shoulder or on your waist. even when y/s/n was around, she didn’t let her grip falter.. possessive, jealous… you didn’t move her hand away not once.

roommate! billie, who pulled you onto her bed that night. both tipsy and giggling like all 18 year old college roommates do. she on her back, you on your stomach, both gabbing about whatever your drunk brains could muster up, still wearing your halloween costumes.

“can i tell you a really big secret? like so so secret no one can know?” billie nodded furiously, wanting to know everything about you and more.

“i’ve never kissed anyone before.” you smacked your hands over your flushed face.

“WHAT?!” she nearly shoved you off the tiny bed. you giggled shushing her, it was 5:16 am after all.

“seriously? but you’re you! how has no one ever kissed you before? wait woah woah woah…. how have none of you guys you’ve gone out with this year NOT ONCE kissed you?!”

you shrugged. “i wish i knew. a few people have tried to kiss me.. but the moment just wasn’t right, ya know?”

she nodded slowly, still unable to comprehend that the angel lying next to her had never had something so simple yet romantic as a kiss. if only she could just lean over, take your face in her hands and,

“can i tell you what my dream first kiss is?”

“you have a dream first kiss?” she asked mockingly.

“billie i’m 18 years old and i’ve been on nine first dates since we got here in august. yeah.” she raised her hands in surrender, prompting you to continue.

“okay so,” you shifted to get a little closer to her. your shoulder was practically touching her stomach. “i want it to happen during the winter. i wanna be on a date, or maybe getting dropped off from a date, either way.. outside.” billie nodded like she was taking notes.

“i wanna be with them, walking or standing by the car, looking into their eyes when all of a sudden i feel this wet blob get in my eye. we both giggle and they brush the snow off my face. snow!! it’s snowing!!! we look up and laugh softly until i look back down, and they’re not looking at the snow… they’re looking at me. they’d tease me about my cold nose, booping it softly, before cupping my cheek, rubbing their thumb on my cold skin… they’d lean in softly and then…”

you popped you lips softly, hands mimicking the explosion of a firework to signal the kiss. you looked at billie with the softest smile and widest eyes, melting billie’s heart.

“so what i’m hearing is when there’s a snowstorm coming i need to send you out on a date?” you snorted, nodding jokingly.

“noted. get someone to kiss y/n while it snows so she can live happily ever after in the cold.”

giggling you shifted to sit next to her, dropping your head to her shoulder, wrapping your hands around her arm closest to you.

“you’re the best.” you kissed her clothed shoulder.

roommate! billie, who didn’t move for a long time after you fell asleep on her shoulder. admiring your fluttering lashes, watching the rise and fall of your chest.

roommate! billie, who’s heart fluttered when you only used “they” when talking about your dreamy first kiss…

roommate! billie, who eventually woke you softly so you both could change and take off your makeup and properly get ready for bed.

roommate! billie, who’s bed was suddenly so cold without you in it.

roommate! you, who now lay wide awake facing the wall so billie wouldn’t know you weren’t sleeping. it was so easy to fall asleep over on her bed…

roommate! billie, who was searching the weather app for the first predicted snowfall of the season…

[hitomisuzuya]

archon!scaramouche x fem!reader. smut. grinding. blowjob. fem. masturbation. ego stroking. praise. worship. degradation. collar and leash.

i went out my walk, came home, unclogged the vacuum, got high and came up with this😳 i dunno if this will hit well, tbh..

sitting on his throne in the tenshukaku, scaramouche can barely control the aching in his cock as he drinks in the sight of you. you are standing before him in nothing but your panties, and a collar he specifically had custom made for you.

once he over through the previous...electro archon, and took power, he has to admit has found himself quite the treat. you are his very (and only) favorite shrine maiden. all you did was sing his praises, even if some people didn't have the most favorable opinion of him.

it didn't matter who it was, it was always, "lord scaramouche is the change inazuma needs." "what is it that you don't like, exactly? the way he handles things, or his attitude? you'll see, lord scaramouche will do great things for inazuma."

at first he thought your loyalty was cute in a pathetic way that he could to his advantage later. so he started keeping you by his side. you didn't feel the need to start a conversation just to occupy silence. you could just sit with him while he worked in total silence, perfectly content with just being near him.

no, at first scaramouche didn't understand you. sometimes, he would even let you rest your head in his lap while he worked, and he selfishly started to enjoy seeing you on your knees. he greedily started to want more from you.

those disgusting feelings hadn't stopped spawning since he abruptly sent you away one night. your sweet little nuzzling into his lap started to make him hard. nothing he did that night to think about anything else but taking everything you had for himself worked.

nothing at least until he fisted his cock, thinking about impaling your pussy on it.

"tell me, how far are you willing to go to please me?" he curling the end of the leash in his hand around his finger idly. he is eagerly awaiting your response.

"well i.." you began, your cheeks flushing as you look away shyly. it wasn't that you were hesitating. you just didn't expect to be in this position. you didn't think he looked at you any other way other than just some company while he did this and that.

you hadn't even questioned him when he told you to strip down to only your panties. you looked so adorable in a way he wanted to corrupt when you unclasped your bra and let it fall to the floor, all shy about being almost completely naked in front of your archon. whom you worship with every fiber of your being.

"c'mere," he commands, patting his lap and tugging on the leash.

the feeling of the soft leather tightening around your neck sends a shiver right down to pulsing cunt. you went to him, straddling his lap. his hands come up to grasp your waist, squeezing as you settle yourself.

"fuck, you feel so good on my hands," he sighs shakily. your flesh is so soft, and pliable. "like i could break you if i press too hard."

you loop your arms around his neck, inadvertently grinding your dampening panties on his cock as you adjusted yourself in his lap. "i would do anything to please you, my lord."

scaramouche puts an arm around you as you press your body against his, your breasts soft and plushy. feeling you against him reminded him how of touch starved he really is, and he would rather die than admit that out loud. "i love the sound of your voice, especially when you are praising me," keeping arm around you, he reaches down to unbutton his shorts.

freeing his thick cock, he presses it against your clothed cunt. he shivers feeling the damp fabric brush against his cock. putting a hand on your chin, he guides your hips, asking you grind on it. "you can use that pretty mouth to tend to my cock, and praise me, right?"

all he wants is for you to stroke his ego like you always do, and suck him off. he has hardly stopped thinking about you on your knees, praising him in such a filthy and compromising position.

"i..i would be honored," you roll your hips down, grinding your pussy on his cock, "i will do my best, but i'm afraid i have no experience," the shy blush he adores never leaves your cheeks, and his eyes watch you discover that you enjoy grinding in his lap, rubbing the rapidly soaking fabric of your panties on your clit. "the shrine where i came from always taught us purity."

scaramouche swears he got harder hearing that. he really is going to take everything you had for himself. "don't you worry your pretty head about that," the hand holding the leash drifts down to your panties. he easily found your soaking clit through your panties. "the only thing you need to do is use your words, and suck."

you moan softly as he presses circles on your throbbing clit. you can't help but grind against his fingers, seeking friction. he could see you still second guessing yourself, and he increases the pressure on your clit.

a string of moans sounds from you as he smirks. "i'll praise you," it's intoxicating for him to feel your body relaxing so submissively for him. "now, be my good girl, and get on your knees," he starts to push you off his lap, enjoying the way your eyes lit up.

you slid off his lap, and onto your knees in front of him. your panties get wetter seeing him still holding the leash as you look up at him. you wrap your hand around his cock, nuzzling your cheek against his pelvis. "let me worship you," you said shyly as your tongue sweeps out to lick his cock.

scaramouche sighs shakily as the warm muscle slides along his cock. he wraps the leash around his hand, putting a hand on your head. "that's my good girl," he groans softly as you bring your tongue up to kitten lick the precum gathering on his cockhead.

"nobody holds a candle to your power," you lick his slit, swirling your tongue before scooping the head into your mouth to suck on. his cheeks flush seeing your drool start to roll down his cock. releasing his cock head with a wet pop, you continue, your heart pounding in my chest. "you are inazuma's rightful archon."

carding his fingers through your hair, he moans, soft and shaky as you pump your hand on his cock. folding a handful of your hair in his hand, he guides your mouth towards his cock again. "suck, slut," he pushes his cockhead past your lips, forcing your mouth down on his cock. "keep drooling on my cock like an obedient whore."

your mouth opens, your tongue flattening and moving to the side. you suck, your mouth wet and warm, his cock throbbing on your tongue. you squeeze your thighs together as your walls clench around nothing.

his hand tightens on your hair, bobbing your head up and down as he fucks his cock into your willing mouth. "good girl," he groans, pushing his cock into your throat, "be a good girl, and choke on my cock." he can't hold back his husky moan as your throat spasms on his cock.

tears well into your eyes as he holds your mouth down on his cock for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of your eager little mouth sucking him off. holding your head in place, he pumps his cock in and out of your mouth as wet sucking noises fill the room.

you muffle moans on his cock, flattening and rubbing your tongue on the vein that buldged to the surface. "listen to you," scaramouche laughs shakily, petting your head, "reach down and show me just how much you enjoy sucking your archon's cock."

you cough as his cockhead pushes into your throat again. bringing your hand down, you nudge your panties aside, circling your throbbing with your fingers.

he cums hard watching you play with and rub your clit, his cum spilling salty into your mouth. he is going to keep you by his side more often. he has other uses for you now.

[fic-girlie]

Hiii!!!! I'm a whore for your Harry Castillo pieces, can I request one? I'm thinking when, maybe the reader and Harry aren't even together (yet) but they're couldn't get theirs eyes from another, at a business meeting someone is rude to her and Harry being a gentleman and a little intimidating put the person is his place, he didn't mean that she couldn't protect herself more like he knows she could handle that, but he wouldn't let her hands get dirty. Afterwards Harry and her got their first date in his penthouse, things got spicy like "you were so sexy defending my honor and now I'm on my knees for you" "If you ask me to destroy him, I will" and the next day in the first page Harry announces the purchase of the guy's company. I told you I'm a whore for it!!!!!!

Smart move

Pairing: Harry Castillo x f!reader Summary: Harry defends you at a meeting, sparks fly, and he buys out your rival’s company to protect you. Warnings: explicit sexual content (+18), oral (f and m receiving), protective Harry

You feel his eyes before you ever catch them — a quiet flicker, the sensation of heat brushing across your cheekbone like the whisper of a hand not yet raised. You look up from your seat at the long, polished table, and there he is.

Harry Castillo.

The last person you expected to be present at this merger discussion, yet not entirely surprising. Men like him didn’t need a reason to be anywhere — they simply arrived, stepped into a room, and shifted the gravity of it. He’s seated at the head of the room, leaning back in his chair like he owns the floor beneath all of you. Maybe he does. You wouldn’t put it past him.

His gaze meets yours and doesn’t flinch away. That stillness—slow, careful—makes your stomach twist, like something sacred just locked its eyes on you. He’s not sizing you up the way the others are. He’s not evaluating your cleavage or calculating how to undercut your pitch. No, Harry looks at you like he’s already heard everything you’ll say and decided he likes it. A lot.

You glance away first. You hate that. But you’ve got a job to do, and you won’t lose your edge because a too-handsome billionaire knows how to look like he’s undressing your mind, not just your body.

You speak confidently through the first half of the meeting. Your slides are clear, your numbers unshakeable, your voice steady. You know your shit.

But then Mateo Knox — CEO of a smaller but infuriatingly old-school firm — leans forward. His voice is oily with condescension.

“That’s adorable,” he says, cutting you off mid-sentence. “But let the big dogs sort this out, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart.

The word doesn’t land so much as burn — like an iron dropped on your skin. You straighten slowly. You can already feel your pulse building in your ears. You’re not going to take this lying down. You never have. But before you can speak, a voice cuts through the room.

Low. Cold. Beautifully brutal.

“Mateo,” Harry says.

You watch Knox’s entire posture change. It’s subtle — the way men who think they run everything can suddenly become boys again when they’re reminded they don’t.

Harry’s tone is calm, conversational even, but his voice holds that kind of quiet steel you’ve only ever heard in military documentaries and high-level negotiations: the kind that says he doesn’t need to raise his voice to end you.

“Was there something about her proposal you didn’t understand?” he asks. He’s not looking at Mateo. He’s still looking at you.

“She was very clear,” Harry adds. “Impressively so. Unlike most people at this table.”

Silence.

You don’t move. You don’t breathe. You’re not used to people defending you like that — certainly not men like Harry. Men who could take your side without making it about their own ego. He’s not trying to save you. He’s honoring you. And yet, he still made sure the man who insulted you wouldn’t sleep well tonight.

Knox sputters some apology, backtracking, claiming he “meant no offense.”

Harry doesn’t even acknowledge it. His eyes stay on you.

You feel like you’re being stripped down. Seen. Not for weakness — but for fire. You’re used to people underestimating you. You are not used to being admired for your sharpness.

The rest of the meeting blurs by. And when it ends, Harry is waiting. Not obviously. He lingers by the door, that same cool confidence in every line of his body, his voice a velvet drawl when he leans in slightly and murmurs, “Would you let me make up for that insult?”

You blink.

He clarifies: “Dinner. My place. Tonight.”

——

You don’t usually say yes to power plays. Not from men like him. Not to anything that smells like dominance disguised as generosity. But Harry Castillo doesn’t make offers. He extends moments—hand-picked, deliberate—and lets you decide if you’re ready to step into them. And something in his tone, something behind the way he never once interrupted you today, not even with his gaze, tells you this isn’t about leverage. It’s something else. So you say yes. And he smiles like he already knew you would.

His penthouse is exactly what you expected and not at all what you’re prepared for. It’s sleek and high above the city, glass and shadow and amber lighting—but warm. Quiet. Not cold and bragging, but curated with the taste of a man who knows how to command without needing to boast. There’s a record player on in the corner—something slow, smoky, jazzy—and he’s already loosened his tie, poured two glasses of something expensive and dark, and invited you to sit like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

The conversation flows with the same undertone of heat that’s been building since the moment his eyes found yours in that meeting. Every word is a brushstroke. Every silence a promise. You sip your drink and let the bourbon loosen the last of your professional guard. You tell him about the merger, the fight to be taken seriously in rooms full of men like Knox, and the quiet ache that comes with knowing you always have to prove yourself twice over. And he listens—not politely, not passively, but with that still, unreadable intensity that makes you feel as though he’s mapping your soul in real time.

When he finally sets his glass down, it’s with purpose. He stands, slowly, and offers you his hand—not because he expects you to take it, but because he wants you to choose. And you do. You rise, your fingers slipping into his like a question you’ve already answered.

There’s barely a breath between standing and touching, but it stretches like honey, like gravity bending around the inevitability of what’s coming. His hands are warm when they find your waist, but firm. Grounded. Protective in the way that doesn’t cage, only shields. He dips his head, and you swear your heart forgets how to beat.

“You were magnificent today,” he murmurs, his lips a whisper from your cheek. “You didn’t need anyone to step in. But I wasn’t going to sit there and let a man like that speak to you like he was worthy of the air you breathe.”

You exhale slowly, every muscle tightening in reaction to his voice, to the heat curling between your legs from the weight of it. “You were so calm,” you whisper, unable to help the way your lips brush his jaw as you speak. “So dangerous. It was… sexy.”

That does it. Something shifts in his body, his breath catching, his hands sliding with reverent control down your sides. He walks you backward, slowly, deliberately, until the backs of your knees touch the edge of his velvet couch.

“I won’t let your hands get dirty for men like that,” he says, voice like velvet dragged across flame. “Not when I have perfectly good ones ready to be bloody for you.”

“Harry…”

He lowers you onto the couch like he’s laying something precious down to be unwrapped. When his mouth finds your neck, it’s not rushed—it’s worship. His teeth scrape your skin with just enough pressure to make you arch, and his hands make short work of the zipper on your dress.

“Let me honor you,” he says, lifting your chin to meet his eyes. “Let me get on my knees for you first.”

You don’t know whether to laugh or moan, because the way he sinks down between your legs is reverent. Devotional. He parts your thighs like scripture, dragging his mouth across the inside with a groan that comes from deep in his chest. Your panties are damp before he even touches you, but when his tongue finally slides through your folds, hot and unrelenting, your hands fist into the cushion behind you, and you whimper—loud.

He hums, mouth locked on your clit with the kind of concentration that makes your legs shake. “I’ll ruin anyone who makes you frown,” he breathes against you. “I’ll destroy anyone who ever thinks they can speak to you like you’re not a fucking queen.”

And you’re gone.

You ride his mouth like you own the world, hips trembling under his grip, and when you come—loud, raw, his name spilling from your mouth like a sin—it’s with his eyes locked to yours.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and kisses you hard, making you taste yourself on his lips. “Now,” you pant, pulling at his belt. “Now it’s your turn.”

He smiles then—crooked, breathless, just a little undone. “Careful what you ask for, sweetheart.”

His cock is thick, heavy, already leaking when you wrap your hand around it, and when you sink to your knees in front of him, he curses softly, tipping his head back.

“You looked like a god when you stood up for me,” you whisper, stroking him slowly, deliberately. “You’re going to feel like one now.”

He groans like he’s in pain when you take him into your mouth, inch by inch, until the head brushes your throat and he nearly buckles. You use your mouth like worship, like vengeance, like the only thing in the world worth tasting is him.

It doesn’t take long—he’s too wound, too hungry. When he spills down your throat, growling your name like it’s the only thing he knows, you feel like you’ve just conquered the man who conquers everyone else.

Later, when you’re wrapped in his sheets, his arm heavy around your waist and his mouth at your temple, he murmurs into your skin, “If you’d asked me to destroy him, I would’ve.”

“I didn’t need to,” you whisper back, sleep tugging at you like gravity. “You already did.”

——

You wake to the soft golden light filtering through the floor-to-ceiling windows, casting long shadows across Harry’s penthouse. His arm is draped over your waist, heavy and grounding, the steady rise and fall of his breath a comforting rhythm beneath your ear. Your body still hums with the remnants of last night’s fire—every inch of your skin remembers the way he worshiped you, the way his voice promised safety and recklessness all at once. You turn your head just slightly and find him already watching you, that familiar calm storm behind his dark eyes. There’s no need for words; the quiet speaks volumes.

He brushes a stray lock of hair behind your ear, thumb tracing lazy patterns on your temple, fingertips warm where they touch your bare skin. “Good morning,” he murmurs, voice thick with sleep and something more—something possessive and gentle. You smile, curling into him, your lips barely brushing the shell of his ear. “Morning,” you whisper back, already craving the weight of his body, the promise of his touch, the endless quiet that feels like home.

His hand slides down your back, fingers digging in just enough to remind you he’s here, that last night wasn’t a dream stitched together by moonlight and bourbon. “I wanted to tell you something,” he says softly, voice low and steady like a secret meant only for you. “Before the world hears it from anywhere else.”

You lift your head, curiosity and something fluttery stirring in your chest. “What is it?”

He shifts beside you, reaching for his phone on the bedside table. The glow of the screen illuminates his face—the sharp jawline softened by sleep, eyes bright with fierce pride. “I closed the deal this morning,” he says quietly, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Your… less charming colleague? His company is ours now. Fully acquired.”

Your breath catches. The man who thought he could insult you at the meeting—the man Harry told you he’d destroy—wasn’t just humiliated last night; he was erased. The power behind that gesture humbles you. It’s the kind of fierce protection you never asked for but deeply needed, the kind of love that won’t let anyone think they can disrespect you without consequences.

Harry slides his phone across the bed so you can see the headline: “Castillo Acquires Knox Technologies in Strategic Move.” The article spells out the deal in sharp, confident prose, crediting Harry’s ruthless business acumen and unshakeable vision. You trace the screen with your finger, feeling that surge of triumph and a deeper thrill—you and Harry, united not just by desire, but by power and purpose.

He leans down and presses a soft kiss to your forehead, his voice dropping to a private, intimate murmur. “No one’s going to mess with you—not on my watch. Not ever.”

And in that moment, tangled in his arms, you realize you don’t want to be anyone else’s. You want to be his—protected, cherished, and utterly consumed.

[lieslab]

It's not like me to be so mean, you're all I wanted

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: Your battle with substance abuse causes your boyfriend to pull away from you.

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 3.6k

Addiction, anxiety, and depression resources

Trigger warning: Mentions of drugs, alcohol, vomit, overdosing via fentanyl, depression, anxiety, and death.

A/N: Requestee, this was one of the hardest things I've written in a while. There's a high and then a fall, plus the way addiction can affect the people you love. Addiction is difficult, but there is always hope and plenty of things to assist in one's recovery <3

_ _ _

“So that’s it? You’re leaving me? You’re just like everyone else! You promised you’d stay! You swore you were different from the rest!” The words laced with hurt. You stood teary-eyed in front of your boyfriend, trying to understand. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat, causing his adam’s apple to pulse. He blinked rapidly and his head shook. “It’s not like that.” 

“Then what is it, Chan?” 

“I promised I’d stay and you promised to get better. You said you’d be open to getting help. You’d try. That was part of our agreement and you’re not trying.” 

“I am trying!” 

“Trying to do what?” His voice raised and then softened. “Kill yourself? Because that’s all I see. You’re being reckless and I have begged and begged and begged you to stop. I collapsed to my knees and begged. I’ve pleaded, I tried, and you won’t stop.” 

“That’s not fair!” 

“And neither is watching the love of your life waste away to drugs and alcohol!” He snapped. “Do you think I want to come home after work and find you unconscious? To find you laying in a pool of your own vomit!” 

Your bottom lip trembled. Each arm curled around your torso, trying to silently console yourself, but it wasn’t working. The lump in your throat expanded and tension grew. You didn’t know what to say. 

“I’m not going to stand here and wait for you to die. I’ve tried telling you. I’ve tried to get you help. I don’t know what else to do.” 

“I’m trying,” you repeated weakly. “I’m really trying, Chan, but it’s so hard.” 

“Trying to what? You’re not going to rehab. You’re not interested in support groups. You won’t talk to any kind of professional. Do you know what happens to people who can’t stop? They die! Fentanyl is laced in their drugs and then they die! They overdose on whatever they’re using and then they die! Why can’t you understand that it all ends with you dead?” 

“That’s not true! My dealer would never-” 

“If your dealer really cared about you, they wouldn’t be providing you with such substances!” 

“Well, maybe I just want to fucking die!” 

A broken laugh fell from his lips. The tops of his cheeks reddened from crying. He sniffled and wiped his eyes. “You don’t think I don’t know that? I have tried so hard to help you, but I can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.” 

“C-Chan…”

He shook his head and spun around. Panic caused your heart to skip a beat. You followed him, rushing forward to grab his hand. “Chan, please. I’m sorry, I’ll try harder and I-” 

“It’s too late.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’ve already made arrangements with the guys. I’m staying with them until I can figure out where to go. I’ll come get the rest of my stuff when I can.” 

Desperate fingers reached out for him, but he pulled away. Your sense of stability tilted, the floor caved beneath you, and your heart burst. You watched in a mix of shock in silence as he headed to the front door. He refused to make eye contact with you as he wiggled into his shoes.

He didn’t even bother tying them properly. So desperate to get away from your darkness, he fled like a thief in the night. In his hands, he carried your beating heart with him. You didn’t know how to be whole without him. You didn’t know how to be whole without substances, either. 

At some point, your sense of self deflated and you were lost. Miserable and depressed, unsure of who you were, too anxious to consider the future, too sad to escape the past, you felt doomed. Trapped and caged in; a prison sat over your head. 

And substances? They made you feel so alive. They took you to a place where the past didn’t haunt you. Your thoughts didn’t feel like a hammer to your head. Your skull didn’t crack and your brain didn’t ooze. 

Light as a feather, free as a bird, and as empty-headed as a jellyfish; you floated in the current of substances. Brain chemicals altered and you changed. Chan changed too, but you ignored it. How could you give up that feeling? The feeling of freedom, when your life stopped feeling like a punishment, and it started to feel like a fuzzy, warm bliss. 

Some of them made you feel like a shooting star. Bright and powerful. The star of the show, the intense high, spiked energy, a boost of euphoria. The world worked in your favor. 

Others turned you into a never-ending machine. Hours slipped into days and the energy never stopped. Sleep weaned away. You could talk forever, solve any problem, and anything was possible. 

A soft velvet coddled you. Alcohol made the floor tip and tilt. Giddily and giggly, you walked around with unsteady limbs. Bumping into walls, flopping on furniture, letting the days blend and melt together. 

It all felt so good on the inside, but it took a toll on the outside of your body. Flushed skin, dilated pupils, and wide eyes, you looked unrecognizable. Fingers twitched, the body worked on its own accord, trying to process whatever substance you placed in it. 

Brush your nose with your fingers once. Twice. The world turned crystal clear. You knew who you were. You knew what you wanted. Every word from your mouth turned magnetic. You finally knew what to say, who to be, it was a handcrafted enlightenment from God. 

Another day, another injection in a forearm. A heart hammered in your chest, pounded against your lungs, but each beat felt like clarity. A stomach growled for food, but despite it, you weren’t hungry. You never were. You needed to move. 

You smiled at Chan. You smiled, but he knew. He always knew when you looked at him like that. Purple eye bags, empty eyes, a smile that felt a little too unnatural. Your eyes didn’t scrunch up like they normally did. You pretended to be fine, but he knew you were using. If he couldn’t see it, he could smell it, and if he couldn’t smell it, he could feel it. 

You turned into a ticking time bomb. Days blurred together, but the drugs made you tick. You became everything all at once and then nothing at all. Because the high never lasts forever, so you crashed. Hard. 

The inside of your head, a constant pressure. A water balloon grew and burst. A half-eaten sandwich sat without a plate on the marbled counter. Withering lettuce, odd chunks of tomatoes, deli meat that lost its moisture overnight. In the middle of your path to greatness, you fell and each time it ended, the emptiness came back. Piles of wrinkled dirty clothes littered the bedroom floor. 

A quiet silence after a storm. The shattering realization that without the high, without the thrum, you were nothing. Broken. Empty. A walking shell of a human and you didn’t know who you were. It all came crawling back. The nerves. The anxiety. The stress. 

Pale skin and shaky fingers. Your stomach twisted in pain from hunger. Your head pounded and you laid slumped over in the bed. Unsure if you could get up without feeling nauseous, you lied there. You tried to swallow, but your mouth turned cotton and became dryer than the sahara desert. 

Tired and soaked in a light sweat. Your jaw ached from clenching it so hard the night before. During those times, you knew you should have tried to eat something, but you didn’t. You crashed, you fell, and you hit the ground hard. An empty sleep pulled you back under. 

You tried to stabilize your reality, but it became disoriented. Distant. Hazy. Your clear cognitive abilities turned to mush. Drug paraphernalia sat in the distance. Chan’s mellow voice floated softly from somewhere.

He alway provided a tenderness that you didn’t deserve. You lied straight through your teeth. You didn’t try. You didn’t try anything because you loved the electricity and the buzz. You chased the high time and time again. You’d been chasing it for so long, the withdrawal would be hell. 

So you snorted, you injected, and you drank. You floated, you crashed, you numbed your emotions, and you threw up acidic stomach acid the next morning. You didn’t know how to stop it. You didn’t want it to stop. 

When did it become wrong to crave peace? 

~ ~ ~ 

The sight of your face down body called Chan’s heart to sink. Alone with you in the bathroom, you didn’t move along the tile floor. A faint sigh escaped his nose before he reached down, gently shaking your shoulder. “Baby, wake up.” 

He gently shook you again, but you didn’t respond. When you didn’t move, he pushed your stiff shoulder, forced you onto your back, and froze. You laid with your eyes wide open and glassy. Cracked lips parted, tinted with a faint blue hue. In a panic, he shook you harder, but you didn’t respond. 

He couldn’t breathe, let alone think. Each breath caught in his throat. He blinked rapidly, trying to pull himself away from the sight of you. “No, no, no.” He grabbed your other shoulder and shook. 

Your head shifted slightly, but your empty eyes didn’t blink. Bloodshot with bursted capillaries, your chest didn’t lift and fall as it should have. Shaky fingers reached up and softly patted your cheeks. 

“Hey! You’re freaking me out. Wake up. Wake up! Baby, no! No, no, no.” Tears leaked down his cheeks. “Don’t leave me here! Don’t do this to me!” 

He ripped his phone from a worn denim pocket and dilated the emergency number. A woman on the other end responded to the call instantly. Grief soaked his voice as he repeated your shared address. Warm tears streamed down his cheeks and soaked into your shirt. 

He folded his hands, placed them in the center of your chest, and performed chest compressions. As time went on and he answered questions from the phone, he ignored the burn of his forearms. Your body jerked beneath him, but your glassy eyes didn’t leave the ceiling. 

He didn’t see any signs of drinking, but he knew the substances you abused regularly. Surely, something would be around here somewhere. The paramedics could save you, right? 

You weren’t meant to die this young. Not at this age. Surely, not alone on the cold bathroom floor. The body beneath him turned stone cold, but it used to be full of life. He remembered the way you squeaked and squirmed when he gently tickled your sides. 

Laughing and stealing kisses, right after he snuck home after work. Entangled legs, pulsing hearts, and love oozing between you. No substances, just warm lips, and gentle touches. He thought the two of you could build a home together and it’d last forever. 

A safe space, a haven for you to grow old together, it wasn’t meant for you to die in. Not yet. What about the future? Every version of yourself that you were supposed to morph into? What about them? 

“Why isn’t it working? Why aren’t they coming back? Why aren’t you coming back?” The words broke in the back of his throat. 

“Sir, please-” 

“Shut up!” He screamed at the phone. He grabbed it and chucked it across the room. The device bounced off the ledge of the tub and clattered on the inside. “You weren’t supposed to leave me! You promised you’d be here forever!” 

His fingers clutched the front of your shirt tightly before he collapsed over you. Sobs wracked his body as he cried. Tears filled his eyes and he couldn’t breathe. You wouldn’t be back. Imprinted on him, there’d be no coming back from this. 

“I failed you. I failed you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, j-just come back.” His forehead pressed against the center of your stiff chest. He breathed, but your breaths never came. 

You still smelled like you. The same shared scent of floral fabric softener and faint hint of laundry soap. A bottom lip trembled as he cried over you. He cried because he couldn’t save you. Because no matter how hard you tried, your inner demons destroyed you. 

Each substance tells a story; seeped in misery and soaked in pain. You clutched your vices tightly, trying to combat the things you weren’t ready to face. Some people think it’ll never kill them, but then it does. 

Silent and fast. The words slur and stop. The body goes limp. It all just stops. A brain flickers and pulses, desperate for oxygen, but the receptors go numb. The oxygen ceases and the color fades. 

Blue explains blue skies and rolling foamy waves along the tide. Children’s laughter and splashing water. Sunshine-filled days for the beach. The warmth of your skin and squawking seagulls, but it also stands for the opposite. 

When the breathing slows and ceases, oxygen fades from the blood. Cracked lips turn powder blue, quite a few shades away from the usual oxygenated blood. It hits the tips of your fingers, too. It highlights the desperate screams of family members finding their loved ones overdosed and unable to breathe. 

Empty eyes and limp limbs. Pin-pricked pupils and lonely deaths. Is it worth it? Is it ever really worth the high? Do you chase the high, or does the high chase you? Playing with such fire, someone’s bound to get burned. 

You jerked upright in a cold bed with a gasp. The previous night, you lulled yourself to sleep with alcohol and blurry memories. The stretched white smile across Chan’s face and two deep dimples. Eyes the color of every quiet thing you missed. 

Your headache knocked the moment you sat up, but you ignored it. Nausea swirled along the interior of your stomach, but you didn’t bother stopping it. Tripping over your feet, you rushed from the room, barely having the time to put on your own shoes. 

You had to find Chan. 

~ ~ ~ 

Back in Felix and Seungmin’s dorm, Chan laid on the couch unable to sleep. The pair provided him with soft pillows and blankets, but he still couldn’t sleep. He wanted to, but he just couldn’t. 

Did it make him an asshole for leaving you? The thought echoed around his brain over and over again. Surely not, but then again, it did. He left you when you were the most vulnerable, but he really had tried. 

He made doctor appointments that you refused to attend. He talked to therapists, but you refused to hear them out. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it. You were the same way. He tried, but you weren’t budging on your stance. 

He didn’t mean to hurt you, but he had to think about himself, as well. He started to lose sleep, wondering and waiting when he’d come home and find you dead. He didn’t want to find you deceased. 

Due to your misuse of substances, you lashed out and grew angry. At times, he’d come home and find the apartment in chaos. Clutter from cabinets sat all over the counters. Your fingers twitched and you paced. 

Mumbling beneath your breath, shaky fingers rearranged things again and again. He tried to lead you to bed, but you shook him off. Insisting you were on the verge of something great. He didn’t understand it, but in your haze, you did. It all made perfect sense. 

He hated watching a synthetic personality appear. It wasn’t you and it certainly wasn’t the person he fell in love with. Empty eyes and greasy hair. In your shared bed, he stayed awake, trying to listen to the rise and fall of your lungs. 

The air conditioner hummed in the background and a faint light pulsed from behind his head. In the kitchen, the neon green stove clock switched numbers every minute. The hue created a faint shadow along the wall. 

He hated the thin cushions beneath him and he wanted his bed. He craved you. All of you. Your body and the way your lips used to feel against his. Soft, hydrated, and alive. You used to be so alive before the drugs and alcohol. 

Your laughter jump-started his heart. For so many days, after the two of you moved in together, his jaw ached at the end of the day, all from smiling too much. Where did that ache go? Where did you go? Your warmth, your liveliness, the person you used to be. 

He didn’t know how it all started. You accumulated your substances from somewhere. He wasn’t worried when you started drinking alcohol, but then it increased. Drastically. One shot turned into five. He had to babysit you when you drank, you were messy. 

He didn’t mind rubbing your back while you vomited. Nor did he mind using a warm rag to wipe vomit from the creases of your mouth. When your alcohol intake increased, he confronted you, but you refused to talk about it. 

His head swam through past memories with you. His other hand lazily ran through his hair. Fingers curled around the strands and massaged his scalp, repeating all the motions that you used to do. He missed you. 

Bang! Bang! Bang!

He jerked upright at the sound of a knock on the door. Worried it was something important, he rushed to his feet and quickly turned on the light switch. The living room came to life. He jerked open the door, and there you were. 

Soaked in tears and snot, your fingers shook. A bottom lip trembled and you stood in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. Chan’s eyebrow raised, shocked that you had found him. When he finally realized it was you, he stepped outside the screen door. 

“How did you-” 

You didn’t respond as you threw yourself at him. Your arms wrapped around his back, pressing his beating heart against your chest. Your eyes shut and you squeezed him tightly. 

“Woah, what’s this about?” 

“I-I had a nightmare.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“I died and you found me.” 

His arms froze, halfway around you. Your fingers curled into the fabric of his cotton t-shirt. “I know I’m not perfect and I’ve put you through hell, but I’m begging you to give me one more chance. Just one. I-I can’t have you find me like that, Chan.” 

He didn’t respond right away. Crickets chirped in the distance. A pale moth bonked off the screen door, trying to reach the light. He didn’t respond, but his arms nestled around your body. A safe nest, a moment of comfort, and your heart swelled. 

“I don’t want to come home and lose you again,” he finally whispered. “I don’t want to put myself through that.” 

“You were right. You were right about the fentanyl and the drugs.” You pulled away, blinking back streaming tears. “I-I saw myself dead. I was so pale and y-you were so broken, Chan, I-” 

“It’s okay.” 

“No,” your head rapidly shook, “it’s not. It’s not okay and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. It’s not right. I haven’t treated you right and I’ve been a horrible partner to you. You’ve tried so hard to save me and I’ve been so fucking selfish and I-” 

Your knees wobbled and you broke. Bursting into tears, he grabbed your hips before you could hit the ground. You sobbed against his shoulder, finally letting out the hurt you’d been running from. You clutched onto him just like you always had. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered as he tucked your head beneath his. “You’re alive and you’re still breathing. I’m right here, I’ve got you.” A warm hand trailed along your spine. 

He kissed your cheek, trying to calm you down. The two of you stayed like that for quite a while. You were certain you smelled like strong vodka, but if Chan could smell it, he didn’t care. Instead, he hummed softly, trying to calm your heavy sobs. 

At some point, your eyes drooped. You breathed softly and tried to relax. After a while, he pulled his head back. “Are you tired?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Come inside here for the night. Seungmin and Felix won’t mind. Stay with me and we can figure out where to start tomorrow.” 

“I don’t wanna upset them.” 

“Relax. You’re safe here and you know it.” He reached down, scooping your exhausted body into his arms. Your head shifted, slumping against his shoulder. “I’ve got you, don’t worry.” 

Inside, he used his hip to shut the door and shifted a hand beneath you to lock it. When he finished, he headed back over to the couch and slowly sat down. You leaned back against his chest, letting your legs tangle with his. 

His hands curled around your waist and held you tight. “Cozy?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Good.” 

“Chan?” 

“Yes, baby?” 

“I know I haven’t said it recently, but I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

As the two of you shifted to get comfy, the headache in your head became the least of your worries. Instead, you focused on the gentle thrum of Chan’s heart. Behind you, his whalloped and yours fell into a steady beat beside it. Your fingers curled along the edge of his shirt, wanting to hold onto him. 

He hummed you to sleep and, for the first time in a long time, it was the first night you hadn’t been lured back to sleep via substance abuse, but rather the warmth of someone who loved you, despite it all.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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Ko-fi

[milder-manners]

out of every situation dream's been involved in, i don't think anything has shown proof of his integrity more than the situation with tommy back in january. the sheer fucking restraint he showed in his video out of sheer respect for tommy isn't just commendable, it's as impressive as his resilience.

like, what makes dream stand out from other creators imo is that he never tries to pretend that kindness isn't a choice. he doesn't try to claim some sort of inherent moral high ground that he holds by virtue of being xyz thing and therefore makes him kind because he is so nice and passive and agreeable which makes him morally superior to others because he is incapable of harm. dream is mean and petty and hot-headed, he is assertive, he gets aggressive when he needs to feel in control, sometimes he walks right up to where the line is and you see him choose not to cross it.

and that's what i think makes all the difference. like i can say that based on his public behavior, dream comes across as a good person. not because he's incapable of harm, or because he said so, or because he always says and does the right things and never makes any mistakes and is a bland pushover of corporate-sanctioned buzzwords. but because time and time again, dream has relentlessly shown himself to be completely unafraid of being flawed and messy and loud because, as he has also relentlessly shown, he knows exactly where the line is. and he will walk right up to that line and stare it right in the face and every single goddamn time he'll make the conscious choice not to cross it. but he could, and it'd be frankly easy for him to. but he won't. because that's not the person he wants to be, he lived the power fantasy of being a monster with c!dream and all he had it do was destroy c!dream's life. he knows exactly how far is too far, he knows exactly what lines he won't cross.

which is more that can be said for guy who ran his server like a corporation and tried to blame the 'higher ups' he employed as if he wasn't their boss, and spoiled brat who apparently doesn't even realize that nobody normal does the kind of shit he did to dream and expects the other person to just take it quietly because normal people call that shit emotional abuse.

Yeah, like yeah.

It's honestly kind of hard for me to comprehend how he's managed to retain himself through all these years. A normal person would've been completely burnt out from the emotional turmoil a smear campaign of a level and length like Dream's. A normal person would've just left the internet.

But also combined with his outrageous growth and fame?? In less than a year, 15 million eyes on him, simultaneously being praised for his intellect and torn apart as a phony? That alone is crazy to deal with (and that was just the first year).

Im sure there are a bunch of other things he's also dealt with that we don't have the privy to.

Like that is crazy, how did he do that? How is he so normal and sincere and understanding? He genuinely astounds me with his resilience.

[hiraethwrote]

DAMN YOU, SATORU GOJO

pairing : satoru gojo x f!reader summary : against your better judgement, you choose him — time and time again, despite it not always being the smartest choice. but it just developed an understanding that you'd follow him wherever. cw : angst, sorcerer!reader, manga spoilers, canon events, profanity, character death, some arguing, reader is smaller than satoru, unspoken feelings, crying, smidget of fluff, some namecalling, creative freedom lol, one vague description hinting at longer hair, no use of y/n word count : 5.0k

Five times you had chosen Satoru when you knew you probably shouldn’t have.

You were 15, just innocent first years at Jujutsu tech and it had been such a dumb decision to let him convince you.

“Please, please, please,” Satoru begged, propped up on his knees in front of you with his hands locked together in prayer, staring at you with doe eyes and bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

You let out a sigh, turning your attention away from the overgrown child in front of you to look at Suguru, who had a self satisfied grin smeared across his face.

“Don’t look at me. I told him already I’m not going!”

“You wouldn’t let me go out at night alone, would you?” Satoru grabbed your attention again. “Who knows what lurks in the shadows out there?”

“Satoru, it’s not allowed. We have a curfew,” you tried to argue, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Curfew? I don’t know what that word means,” he said and shuffled closer before drilling his fingers between your forearms to forcefully grab your hand, securing it in a tight grip. “Come on! This is a matter of life and death!”

“You said you wanted to go get a late night snack?”

“Same thing! Just please come with me, I don’t want to go alone!”

You rolled your eyes at his dramatic antics, taking yet another deep sigh as you weighed your options. The smart thing to do was to refuse, yank your hand out his and send him off to his dorm, like you all should be doing at this hour.

Tomorrow was yet another day of duties to attend. All four of you expected to be present bright and early for the first class starting at 8.

Not to mention what would happen if you were caught. You were sure to be in trouble then, probably having to run around the grounds of Jujutsu High, doing all sorts of ridiculous chores as punishment for who knew how long.

But you couldn’t lie — there was something nearly hypnotic about his cerulean blue eyes staring up at you, a convincing effect you found hard to fight.

You kept chewing the inside of your cheek to smother the small smirk that threatened at the corner of your lips, knowing very well he would burst with pride if he noticed. “If we get caught, I won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus.”

Satoru immediately lit up, jumping to his feet with excitement. He rushed out a hurried goodbye to Suguru, waving over his shoulder before pulling you after him and out the door.

“I’m serious, Satoru! If Yaga finds out-“

“Would you calm down,” he sighed, walking nonchalantly down the dimly lit road, fingers intertwined behind his head, seemingly not a single worry on his mind. “Yaga won’t find out! Besides, he loves me, so I’ll just work my charm and he’ll let us off the hook. Trust me.”

His head snapped towards you when you couldn’t help but scoff tauntingly at him.

“If you got something to say,” he whined childishly, staring at you with his characteristic pout.

“No, no! You're free to believe whatever you want.”

Eventually you reached the small, deserted convenient store without running into any of your superiors, so you finally let your shoulders relax when you entered the cool store. The fluorescent lights that welcomed you was a stark contrast to the darkness outside, and thus extremely unpleasant.

As Satoru strutted through the isles, you at his heels, you quickly learned that he was by no means a penny pincher, filling his basket with whatever his heart desired.

“What are you having?” He asked as he pulled a packet of biscuits from the shelf.

You quickly scanned the shelves on each side of you, “I think I’m good.”

Satoru instantly stopped in his tracks and spun around, causing you to crash right into him. He was staring big eyed at you, as if you had personally offended him.

“I just won’t accept that.”

“Really, Satoru, I’m good-“

“Come on! My treat,” he said excitedly, grinning with childlike joy.

It was only when you started school that you were reunited with Satoru, having only met briefly many, many years ago — and from what you remembered, the energetic and optimistic person in front of you was vastly different from the child you were once introduced to.

That thought, mixed with the contagious joy he embodied, made it hard to suppress any lurking smile.

“Fine, I’ll grab an ice cream or something.” The statement had his smile burn brighter, if that was even possible.

As you stood above the ice cream counter, trying to make up your mind about what you wanted, you could feel him grow impatient where he stood behind you, peaking over your shoulder. Eventually you landed on your favourite, and Satoru decided to grab one for himself as well.

Just like he had promised, he paid, happily so, and you started the walk back. All stress had left your body now, simply enjoying the moment. The ice cream threatened to melt down your hand as Satoru had planted a chronic giggle on your lips, making it impossible to try and digest your little treat.

However, the bliss was sadly short lived and the stress returned when suddenly an all too familiar figure stood in the middle of the road several feet ahead.

Yaga.

“Fuck,” you mumbled under your breath, both you and Satoru stopping in your tracks, too scared to approach your teacher any closer.

Before too long, you were both sat alone in Yaga’s office in front of his desk.

You grumpily had your arms knitted in front of you while your shoulders were raised up to your ears, foot tapping anxiously against the floor.

“Damn you, Satoru Gojo,” you said through gritted teeth. You turned to look at him, only feeling the anger grow when he was busy stuffing his face with some of the chocolates he had purchased not even an hour ago.

Without hesitation, you reached your hand out and yanked the paper bag out of his hand, a few pieces flying across the room. “Hey!” He yelped.

“Will you stop eating, you asshole?!” You nearly growled at him. “This is exactly what I feared would happen!”

He rolled his eyes at you before slumping further into his chair. “You’re too pretty to worry this much- ouch!” Mid sentence you had sent your hand swinging, slapping his upper arm. “Okay, sorry I got us in trouble! But I’m sure it’s not going to be anything too bad.”

You just kept scowling at him, feeling like a fool for falling for his silly charm. Not to mention how extra infuriating it was that he didn’t take this nearly as severely as you did, almost as if he believed it didn’t affect him at all.

He cleared his throat and sat up properly before leaning over the armrest closest to you. “I really am sorry!”

The crease between your eyebrows let up, hearing how his apology was genuine. By the way he was looking at you and the inner edges of his eyebrows angled upwards with guilt, you could tell he had never intended to be caught — he had actually believed you would simply return to school without any problem.

Shaking out of the trance, you fell back in your chair. “I’m still mad at you,” you grumbled quietly and directed your gaze straight ahead, knowing it would be harder to hold onto your frustration if you kept looking at him.

“Justified,” he sighed.

As Satoru had expected, the punishment wasn’t too bad. You simply had to clean up the kitchen after dinner for a week — and if anything, you were almost thankful because you had a lot more fun than you would ever have expected.

The time spent cleaning up ended up taking twice as long as what was scheduled, just because you both were a whole lot busier talking, laughing and in general messing around — acting like the teenagers you were rather than doing what you were supposed to. In the end, the punishment only served as the first building block in what eventually evolved into an untouchable bond.

The next time you chose Satoru when you knew you shouldn’t, was over something a lot less trivial — it was forever doomed to claw at your conscience.

You had turned 23, and life looked a lot different now than when you were teenagers. So much had happened over the years, things one couldn’t dwell on for too long because it would only pull one into a depressive spiral — and you and Satoru had grown closer as a result of it.

One of the most significant moments was when Suguru defected.

Describing the whole ordeal as traumatic didn’t even begin to cover it. If there was a way for you to forget it all, be that a deal with the devil, you’d take it just for some solace.

However, life goes on whether you want it to or not.

Your close quartet shrunk into a trio — but there was something deeper that spawned between you and Satoru. Whatever it was, it went unsaid because neither of you ever managed to find the right words to explain it. All you knew was that it had you gravitate further into each other’s orbit, out of reach from everyone else.

One was rarely seen without the other, always pairing up for missions — even when your superiors didn’t want you to.

For years you we’re inseparable, until you found yourself entangled in a whirlwind romance with a lovely man outside of jujutsu society. Before you knew it, you were swept up in all his charm.

It seemed perfect — he was nice, respectable, patient; all the qualities one looked for in a partner. You were under the impression that things were going well, which was why you were shocked when he sprung the ultimatum on you.

“Me or him?”

Your jaw kept opening and closing at a loss for words, sitting on the edge of the couch with your hands pressed between your thighs. You could tell this was something that had been heavy on his mind for a long time based on the sadness that harboured in his eyes, standing in front of you, a shell of the person you knew.

He let out a slow breath through his nose, seeing how his shoulders sank. And when he spoke again, his voice was low and determined, “I won’t ask again. Me or him?”

“Him.”

The word slipped out of you like a quiet squeak. Your answer had come on pure instinct, like every part of you knew there was no other option.

You prepared yourself for yelling and shouting, an endless stream of ‘how could you?’. But it never came.

Instead his posture relaxed. He huffed what you thought was supposed to be a lighthearted laugh before he took a seat next to you.

“Damn you, Satoru Gojo,” he breathed.

You didn’t know what else to do than stare at him dumbfounded, “I’m sorry,” you stuttered.

“Don’t be,” he turned to you with a sad smile painting his lips. “I think I kinda always knew.” Again, he let out a sound you thought was supposed to be a laugh but it just didn’t quite get there as he placed a hand on your knee. “But I needed to hear you say it.”

“No, I am really sorry!” You reinforced, placing your hand on top of his.

“You really don’t need to explain,” he flipped his hand to quietly intertwine his fingers with yours — one last moment of intimacy. “What the two of you have-“ cutting himself off, he tried searching for the right words to describe whatever it was you and Satoru had. You clearly weren’t the only one struggling to put the importance of your relationship into words. “I’ll never be able to compete with that. So don’t be sorry.”

You mirrored his melancholy smile and gave his hand a squeeze.

For another thirty minutes you sat there and talked, reminiscing of good times — there were quite a few, you both agreed. But it was clear this couldn’t continue any further. So you gave him one last hug and left.

You took your time walking back to the grounds of Jujutsu tech, your head heavy with churning thoughts.

When you had driven your brain exhausted with these new revelations, you found yourself craving a little snack before heading to bed, b-lining for the kitchen first thing — your heart skipped a beat when you were met with Satoru stood with his head in the fridge, peaking out to meet your gaze when he felt your presence enter the room.

“What are you doing here?”

“Hello to you too,” you scoffed at him, throwing your bag on the kitchen isle before jumping up on it.

“Weren’t you supposed to be with-“ he waved his hand about, “whatever-his-name-is tonight?”

You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. “We broke up, actually.”

Satoru very abruptly stopped searching for whatever he was looking for, closing the door to the fridge and leaned up against it. “I’m sorry.” You simply shrugged in response. “What happened?”

“Uhm-“ how were you supposed to tell him that he was the reason for your breakup? You wouldn’t. You couldn’t.

Now having been made aware of the fact, it became clear to you that you and Satoru were dancing on a fine line — more than friends, but not quite lovers. An unspoken thing that one could feel dip into a romance. But you didn’t want to be the one to bring attention to it and break the illusion that there was nothing there. That would only create unnecessary pressure to what was essentially a nonexistent issue.

“Just didn’t work out,” you sighed.

“His loss,” he smirked — and there it was again, that tension that was impossible to label, traveling between you. It suddenly became very clear why your ex had proposed the ultimatum in the first place. “But you’re okay?”

For a second you just looked at Satoru, a content smile stretching across your face as you nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Good! Then I can come clean and say I never liked the guy,” he said and returned to rummaging the fridge.

“Oh, believe me, I know!”

“What do you mean you know?” His voice muffled in the fridge in front of him.

“You thought you were subtle?” You teased.

He just peaked a look at you over his shoulder, his eyes full of mischief, and even though it was hidden behind his arm, you know he was smiling with satisfaction.

The fourth time around, you were 28 years old and you had no clue how this choice would unfold itself.

“You have to trust me on this!” He begged, and even through his blindfolds you could feel his pleading eyes drill into you.

“Satoru, I don’t know.” To say you were reluctant was an understatement, seeing this choice venture down a handful of potentially dangerous routes.

“You’ve always agreed with me that the higher ups don’t have a single clue what they're doing. They’re too scared to see the chance we have here.”

You only sighed, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning up against the wall behind you. Sure, there was a long list of descriptive words you’d use for the higher ups before even the first positive one would pop up, but this case was severe enough to actually be able to see their perspective.

“You trusted me with Yuta, now I need you to trust me with this too!”

“You cannot begin to compare these two cases!” You scoffed. “Yuta didn’t have the literal king of curses inside him! You too have to see how these are wildly different scenarios?”

The hypothetical question hung in the air as he mirrored your position against the opposite side of the hallway.

The list of consequences the higher ups had presented was long — excruciatingly long. You’d felt like an idiot stood behind Satoru as he argued and argued, while you kept your lips sealed, witnessing the powerful individuals in front you discuss so aggressively you swore you could feel the temperature rise.

Your silence definitely took them by surprise, so used to you always taking Satoru’s side without question. But this time around, you didn’t see it as black and white as you usually did.

“I’ve looked at this from every angle, and I believe this could work.” Worry pinched your eyebrows together, never letting your eyes leave the strong sorcerer in front of you, who now looked more timid than you’d seen him in years. “And should the worst happen, I’ll stop it! I promise.”

A lump formed in your throat as what you believed was mostly your concern spawned in your mind.

Everyone else saw the worst scenario being Ryomen Sukuna regaining physical footage in the real world, and the earth’s strongest sorcerer wouldn’t be able to stop it and be eliminated in the process.

Your worst scenario was losing Satoru.

“He’s just a kid,” he continued to plead.

Letting out a deep sigh, your head fell forwards to hide how your eyes had turned glossy. “Damn you, Satoru Gojo.”

“So you trust me?”

You nodded slowly as you kept your head directed at your feet. “I trust you. You know I do.”

A strange and eerie, though somehow also comfortable silence filled the empty hallway. You just hoped you wouldn’t end up regretting this.

As you could feel an oncoming headache sneak up, you closed your eyes and slowly began to rub circles on your temples, hoping the faint agony would release. It had truly been a few stressful days.

You let out a small whimper of relief as strong fingers placed themselves on your temples, causing your own hands to lazily fall to your sides.

You just enjoyed the moment, letting Satoru soothe you for minute before muttering a quiet “thank you.”

“Feel better?” He asked, low enough so it was only audible to you.

The exhaustion had seemed to grow permanent in your body, only able to slightly lift your shoulders in a small shrug you weren’t even sure he saw. “Don’t know, but it’s nice,” you smiled weakly.

“Feel like you’ve had more and more of these headaches.”

“These are trying times,” you attempted to lighten the mood by the small quirk in your voice, but it wasn’t as successful as you’d hoped for when he never responded with an anticipated chuckle.

“I don’t like it.” His voice came out a little rough, fingers still moving in comforting circles on each side of your face.

“I’ll be okay,” you sighed.

Carefully you tilted your head upwards, a little sad the black cloth around his head blocked direct eye contact to be made, even though you knew they were looking right at you. You lifted your hands again, tenderly placing them on top of his big ones, making him stop massaging you.

“Promise me-“ a small spark of fear halted your sentence for a second. “Promise me I won’t regret this.”

His right palm flattened against your cheek. “I promise.”

The fifth time you chose him took place not many months after the choice regarding Yuji Itadori — but not without a heated discussion.

“I can’t believe you went as far as set a date, without even talking to me!” You shouted at him, anger having driven you to stand so close to him you could feel his body heat radiate off of him.

“I’m sorry, but it was the best decision to make in that moment.” He fired back, but his voice possessed a tenderness yours lacked. “This gives us a month to prepare.”

“No!”

“What do you mean no?”

“I mean no,” you said, voice cracking at the end. “I won’t allow it.”

His head fell back in frustration, “this is our chance to end this!”

“I don’t care, it’s too risky! We’ll find another way to stop Sukuna.”

“There is no other way!” He said, pronouncing every word very clearly.

You licked your lips, a shaky breath exhaled through your nose as you fought off tears. “What about Megumi!?”

“This is how we save him,” he argued back.

“I said no. It’s just too dangerous!”

Slowly but surely you felt yourself losing grip on your sanity, all the death and suffering you’d all been through that had lead up to this moment, catching up with you and presenting you with yet another dilemma.

You ran your fingers through your hair, tugging at your roots. “I just need you to trust me! One more time-“

“Damn you, Satoru Gojo!” You sobbed, cutting him off before he was able to finish his sentence. “I won’t lose you!”

You drew a sharp breath to choke back the bubbling sobs, shoulders bouncing as you sniffled, the sound muting the conversation instantly.

His lips parted with a sad sigh, letting his muscles rest as he now saw you were not in a position to receive any hard arguments. “You’re not going to lose me.”

“Take your blindfolds off.”

Softly he spoke your name.

“Take your blindfolds off!” You repeated with a raised tone. “I want you to look me right in the eyes as you give me your word!”

With two fingers he hooked a hold of the dark fabric, and with one swift motion he did as you demanded. His tufts of snow white hair falling to cover his forehead as his eyes stared right into yours.

His gaze flittered between your eyes, causing your hands to fall at your side. The intensity in his crystal pools caused your chin to quiver, salty tears leaving wet trails down your cheeks.

“You’re not going to lose me.”

The words left his mouth, and your face scrunched together with sorrow, shutting your eyes as the waterfalls continued. Hesitatingly, you nodded your head so shyly you hoped the movement was faint enough for him not to notice it — Satoru quickly placed a hand on each side of your jaw and you felt his hair tickle you softly before resting his forehead against yours.

“You won’t lose me,” he reassured you, “not ever.” You pulled back, wanting to look in his eyes again. “I’m not the strongest for nothing.”

You wished you could spare him even just a small chuckle, but his attempt to change the atmosphere for the better was doomed useless. If anything, it only made it worse — reminding you of the burden placed on him by powers he hadn’t chosen for himself.

“Just make sure to take use of that,” you whispered, his thump wiping away one of your silent tears.

“I will.”

You opened your mouth, faint sounds coming out as you were in an internal discussion of whether you should say what rested on your heart or not — “there’s still things for us to do. You and me.”

It was his time to slowly nod along in agreement, confirming what had gone unsaid for so many years without taking use of the actual words. “I know.”

The chilly wind was slowly blowing through your hair, your arms wrapped around yourself more in an attempt to hold yourself together rather than to keep yourself warm.

It seemed only fitting the skies were grey, the sun trapped between layers of dark clouds — because all brightness had left the world when Satoru did.

You looked down at the simple headstone, engraved with his name, his birthday and his death day, the one you had insisted needed to be placed in the peaceful backyard of Jujutsu high.

Then you started to think back at the first time you chose Satoru Gojo — had you only known then how much pain you would have spared yourself if you had chosen differently.

The earth had orbited the sun many times since then, when he could only be labelled a stranger. Not even ten years old when you spotted a kid in your local playground, all in his lonesome as he let the tips of his shoes slowly wiggle him back and forth on the swing-set.

Now, when your entire future looked nothing but dark and gloomy, you wished you’d listened to your initial instincts and just continued the trip home. He was none of your concern, no matter how lonely he looked.

But that was just it — you felt bad. A kid wasn’t supposed to be alone in the playground, especially a kid who seemed in desperate need of a company.

A little annoyed with yourself, you let out a frustrated huff before letting your bike tip over and strut towards the boy sitting with his back facing you.

“Hi there!” You said loud and clear. He stopped staring at the gravel, jumping off the swing-set and quickly spinning around to look at you, shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “Whoa-“

Once eye contact was made, you felt it — he was like you. You didn’t know much about the jujutsu world, or your powers for that matter, at this time. All you knew was that there was something about you that made you different. Special.

And the kid staring back at you was part of that too. Though you had no idea to what degree.

“Who are you?” The innocent question stumbling out of you with awe only possessed by a child.

For a second it looked as if he didn’t want to answer, kicking a small rock in front of him. “I’m Satoru Gojo,” he mumbled.

You only blinked at him, trying to understand why he said his name like that — like you were supposed to know who he was.

“Nice to meet you, Satoru Gojo,” you recited the pleasantries your parents had thought you before telling him your own name. “You’re like me, aren’t ya?”

He narrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean ‘like you’?”

“Special! That’s what my mom says at least.”

He just lifted his shoulders in a shrug, “I guess.” Satoru really didn’t like how the word left you like a compliment. Because Satoru knew he was special. He’d been told so for as long as he could remember. And at ten, he wanted nothing else than to be ordinary.

“I’ve never met someone like me before. At least that I know of.”

Satoru blinked at you, the crease between his eyebrows narrowing further in confusion. You seemed absolutely clueless about the world you truly belonged in, and he envied the ignorance. “Now you have.”

“What are you doing here all alone?” You tucked your arms behind your back, as you began to continuously shift your weight from your heels to your toes, and to your heels again.

Again he shrugged. “Having fun.”

“Doesn’t look like you’re having much fun.”

A frown settled on his entire face, taken aback by your blatant honesty. “Well, it is,” he argued stubbornly, retracting his hands from the pocket and crossing them in front of him.

“Can I join?” You asked, head tilting to the side. Again you surprised him, but this time it was a more delightful one.

“Okay,” he stuttered, waiting for you to come closer and take the lead in whatever it was you considered to be fun.

And you did — happily so. You both lost complete track of time. Especially Satoru, who couldn’t remember ever really playing with another kid like this.

After nearly two hours, you glanced at the small watch wrapped around your wrist. “Darn!” You exclaimed. “I was supposed to be home by now.” You scattered to your feet, wiping off the gravel dust that was coating your knees and ran back to your bike. You only got halfway there before Satoru called your name.

“Will I see you again?” He looked nearly sad as the innocent question was spoken.

A toothy grin greeted him in return. “Yes, I’m sure of it!”

Nervously he fidgeted with his fingers. “How do you know?”

Never letting your smile waver, you made up your mind right then and there. “I’ll find you again. I promise.”

That was the last thing you said to him before riding off.

Whatever it was, something connected you to that strange boy that day and you knew, someday in the future, you would follow him wherever he went.

Several times a month you would think of the promise you made to Satoru, his name appearing in your dreams every once in a while, making sure you wouldn’t forget about him.

Five years later you were finally reunited, now a lot more familiar with the world you belonged to.

He had recognised you immediately. You could tell by the peaceful smile he served you with, watching how some of the stress he desperately tried to suppress, simply disappeared from his body.

“Hi there!” He greeted you, just like how you had captured his attention when you were kids. That was the only thing you ever acknowledged of your adolescent encounter, letting it stay a holy secret only in the memory of you and Satoru.

That way no one could touch it — no one could taint it.

“Damn you, Satoru Gojo,” you sniffled and wiped your nose with the back of your hand. “You and your stupid promises!”

Taking a few steps forwards, kneeling down in front of the stone, you let your fingers trail each letter of his name.

“I think I’ll curse you forever for that,” tilting your gaze down at the wittered flowers you had planted when he was first buried. “We were supposed to have more time you and I.”

You wrapped your arms around your bent knees, sitting much like a child who had their laser focus on something in front of them would, gaslighting yourself into thinking your own embrace made you feel better — in reality, you wished it was Satoru’s arms that enveloped you.

“But I’m choosing to believe I’ll find you again,” a whispered promise, the words floating along with the wind to a place you hoped he would hear them.

That was the sixth and final time you chose Satoru Gojo.

author's note : aaaah can yall believe this took me less than a week???? and i am kinda happy with it?? the hell is happening. anyways, in my satoru feels lately

tags (open — link to taglist form) : @sad-darksoul . @gdamnackerman . @madaqueue . @toadba . @harperluvgojo . @nishislcve . @ichore . @sugurunugget . @megapteraurelia . @loveyislost

©hiraethwrote 2025 . all rights reserved. reposting, translating and otherwise plagarisim is prohibited

[khorneschosen]

Lol.

Depends, on many questions. Like why do the "protectors" of Palestine insist on fighting Israelis around their civilians. Why don't they fight in such a way that the causalities are all Israeli, say by fighting in positions supplied by those offensive tunnels?

If so, then in firing on them, it is not shocking that behind behind those walls are the civilians hamas, wanted to be there.

Moral crisis, lol darling people are as stupid as you. You can pretend not to understand, even though you moved on curiously enough so you understand why I'm correct.

Yes I'm sure that they have an Israelis sitting outside of every single gutter just waiting for someone to click the rainwater. Because they have that level of resources You know if you focused on things which are structural you might have an actual chance to convince me but you focus on horror show things which are irrational in their implications.

Like these are nonsensical. They emotionally resonate but intellectually they're hollow. Takes only a little bit to understand cases you've made because of each case all I have to do is say "So how does this make sense or what is the context for this."

Context dropping maybe a tool in your tool belt but it is never been an intellectual practice I employ.

Why didn't they invest in drones. Drones have been one of the most affected tools for a gorilla army to be able to take down high value targets with relatively little investment on their part. It's legitimate question. The answer implies quite a lot actually They had at least a year or so to start investing in that kind of weaponry and it's relatively cheap to get in Small too smaller than those AKs and explosives they've had anyway. Smaller than the crates of ammo they've been bringing in.

So why don't they. Aren't you curious?

Or is that something that you don't do You don't ask questions You merely are told what to think.

I’m seeing a lot of people claim that the remaining hostages, by virtue of being IDF members are not hostages but prisoners of war. Which, fine, you can make that argument. But if that was the case, under the Third Geneva Convention, prisoners of war have very specific rights, including not being held in close confinement, not being tortured, getting adequate food and water, being given access to medical treatment, being allowed contact with the outside world and their loved ones, and of course visitation by the International Red Cross.

Not a single one of these conditions has been met. They aren’t prisoners of war. They’re hostages. And the International Red Cross doesn’t care about Jews.

[shadow211e]

Rise of the Goth

Victoria had been having issues at school, really she had been having issues since she was a kid, always feeling out of place. Not fitting in where others would easily be apart of a crowd. Sure she knew that was high school but now in college it almost felt like the same thing. She attended one of the states largest schools, it had a huge campus, over 25k students attending, so she had to feel like something was there for her. And she thought she had found it, she started in a few clubs, met some really amazing people, and even started to date this nice guy. They were happy for 4 months, the longest she had ever been with someone. And until a week ago that was the best thing for her. Then her former bully from school, Amber had started to seem to be circling around her more. She noticed Amber on her way to classes, hanging around dorms and she had no clue why. Until one afternoon she was walking out of class and saw Amber making out with a guy, it was more than making out, Amber was straddling the guy on a bench and kissing him, it was so close to being lewd. Then she noticed his shirt, it was a shirt she had bought her boyfriend, then Amber flipped her hair back and she saw him, her boyfriend happily cupping Amber's tits and looking up at her with the goofy grin. Victoria screamed, Josh looked over in a shock, he pushed Amber to the side, stumbling to get to her, he was trying to explain, trying to tell her it wasn't what she thought. Josh was followed by Amber who pulled out her phone to show a weeks worth of pictures of her and Josh. Victoria started to put things together. She screamed again and stormed off. There was a laughter that just lingered in Victoria's head, the laughter of Amber, the bitchy, spoil, self centered laughter and it burned into her. 2 days she ghosted calls from Josh, she never wanted to hear his voice again, never wanted to see his face, or feel his touch. She hated him, she hated him for giving into the blonde menace. And she wanted revenge on her. She felt anger, she felt hate, and until she could calm down it boiled inside her. Another 2 days and Josh finally got the hint, he stopped calling, he unfriended her on all socials. Victoria could only sit and watch as her world started to fall apart. She had what she thought was everything and now she had nothing. Then the dreams started. The first night of dreams it was just blackness. The second night, was blackness but she felt like something was moving around her. She woke up in a cold sweat. Night three, she heard laughter around her, walking around her, stalking her. She screamed into the darkness and whatever it was laughed back more. Night four, she felt nothing, she was alone in the dark. Night five, she felt the presence again. Night six, she could feel something touch her but she turned to look and it was gone. Night seven, was when she saw something emerge from the dark.

"What are you?" The voice was weird, like someone talking in water, "I am desire, I am darkness, I am here to help, if you wish it." "Why would you help me?" "Why wouldn't I? You are hurt, you are in pain, and I can help ease your pain and suffering." "How would you do that?" "I'd give you the means to help yourself, to transfer that pain to someone else." "I wouldn't wanna do that. No one deserves to be hurt. Can't you just take the pain away?" "Like energy or matter, it can not be destroyed it can be changed or exchanged." Victoria was listening but not really understanding, she tried to follow along but said "I guess." "Who hurt you?" "My boyfriend, that slut Amber." "And what if I could help you hurt your boyfriend, and make Amber never be able to hurt you again?" She bit her lip, thinking about this, she could feel her heart racing. "Has this been you the whole time in my dreams?" "Yes and no, my family, they have tried to visit, but only the one of use who could help would be the one you could see," the being said, lying to her of course. But in Victoria's state of sadness and anger she would believe almost anything. "Fine if I let you help me, what will happen?" "You just have to wake up, and you will see some changes in your life and then some more changes over the next day and then we can talk about your ex and your friend." "Amber isn't my friend." "Of course, my mistake, now are we agreed?" "Yes fine." The being reached out to shake her hand, Victoria took it, felt a burning sensation in her palm and gasped as she woke up. The sun was out and she looked around, "what the fuck" she said then heard her voice, it was different, more sultry and alluring. She looked down and noticed her body was different.

Her breasts had grown, and there were tattoos on her arms, her hips were a little wider and she had an ass, not a flat one but actual curves. It was amazing, she was excited. What she should have been was scared at the fact something was able to change her like this. But this wasn't what was on her mind. What was on her mind was revenge. She started think of a plan, she could go after her ex, but Josh would be too easy to ruin, the minute she called, he would come running to talk to her, to apologize. She knew that wouldn't be too much fun. Instead she set her sights on Amber, that would be more of a hunt, something worthwhile and someone who would be torn down to the very ground she thought she owned just for being alive. She had a feeling by tonight she would be ready. Across Campus

Amber was in the sorority house getting ready for another beautiful day. She had blonde hair, big tits and the perfect look for luring men into her grasp. She did it all through high school and even more in college. She had 3 different boyfriends, all who would give her anything she wanted just because she hot and they could be around one of the hottest girls on campus. Of course they didn't know she was dating other guys, some of the sorority sisters knew of course but to them they thought it was funny how easily Amber could control men. She rolled over in her bed, and texted each of the guys, telling them she was awake, telling them she wanted to go shopping today to buy some surprise naughty stuff for their upcoming dates. Each one sent her at least 100 bucks, because that's what she asked for. Josh sent her 150 because he was the newest guy she was seeing and he was trying to make her want him, he was worried after his last girlfriend and him broke up that Amber was going to dump him too, so he sent more to make sure she was staying with him. Amber laughed at all these boys sending money. She got out of bed and started to get ready to go shopping, she wasn't spending her money of course, which made it so much more fun. Across Campus

Hours later and Victoria was feeling herself changing more. It was thrilling, she was becoming hotter, and felt like she was becoming more powerful as well. She moved in front of the mirror and smirked at her new look.

She found her clothes changed, new tattoos formed and everything just gave her a new look on life. Victoria that girl who was walked all over was gone. Vicki was here to stay. She felt this weird sense of knowledge in her mind, that Amber was leaving to go to the mall, she also seemed to know Josh was at his dorm hard at work. She licked her lips, a trip to the mall was in order. Her prey was going to be there. At the mall, Vicki could sense Amber now, she was close. It only took her a few minutes to start to shadow her. Walking through the halls, no one seemed to notice the hot gothic chick stalking this bubbly sorority slut. All eyes were on Amber of course. Rage filled Vicki and she knew the time to strike was now. Amber was walking into a dressing room, Vicki moved in behind her, pushing her against the wall. "What the fuck, you bitch get off me." Vicki's eyes blackened for a second, "No, you're mine," and leaned in and kissed Amber. Vicki felt Amber fight back against the kiss for about a second or two before she started to kiss back. Amber moaned as Vicki moved back and smiled. "Who are you?" Amber asked, feeling light headed, looking at the woman who forced her into a kiss. Vicki smiled, something wicked in her heart and she stared "I am your new mistress, you can fight it, but in a few days you will be all mine." "Fuck you," she said but there was no real feeling behind it, Amber couldn't seem to put the normal strong emotion behind the yell. She pushed past the gothic girl and ran out to her car to head back to the sorority. Amber couldn't stop thinking of the girl, she didn't even know the chick's name, she wanted to call the cops, wanted to claim assault but would anyone believe it? She was so upset she cancelled her date with Derek, and texted the other 2 guys that she wasn't feeling that well and that she would be turning in early and not to text her until she texted them back. She talked to the sisters in the group chat, saying she was feeling ill and wouldn't be able to do her mandatory chores tonight and maybe tomorrow but she would take over for another girl if they were willing to swap for a few days. A couple girls agreed and Amber rolled over into a deep sleep for the night. The next day Amber woke up in a sweat, the goth girl kissing her, just played over and over in her mind. She went over to find some meds to help her relax when she saw herself in the mirror.

Amber was shocked. Tattoos, dark hair, what the fuck was happening to her. This wasn't who she was. She brought her fingers up to her lips, touching them as she kept thinking about the kiss, and noticed her nails were black too. She wanted to scream, wanted to yell but something in her mind kept saying she was Mistress's Toy. Amber was even more scared, thoughts of being with another girl were never something she wanted but now thinking of the goth girl was getting her wet. She wanted to be touched, held, kissed by her Mistress.....no she couldn't think like that, she wasn't like that. That wasn't her. She had to stay hidden in her room, away from people, this will go away, or she would have to figure out what was happening to her. She pulled out her laptop and started to look up things. Trying to figure this out. Later that Evening

The music at the club was thumping. The bass was beating through the bodies of all the people on the dance floor. Vicki was dancing but off to the side, she was watching the crowd. She was waiting to see the man she texted earlier. She had texted Josh, telling him she was going to be at the club, which was a shock to him, but she said this was his one chance to talk to her.

Of course she was never going to talk to him, at least not as Victoria, that version of her was gone. What she was going to do was flirt with him, tease him. He wouldn't have any clue who she was. She was going to make him obsessed with her but was never going to let him have her. It wasn't that difficult either, he was like a moth to the flame as soon as she winked at him from the side of the room. There were already a lot guys eyeing her up and down, but when he was winked at, he thought she was into him. She laughed as she kept flirting with other guys knowing how easy it was to break him. It wasn't even going to take her a night. Another wink and Josh had sent her a drink. Another wink and he meekly walked over to talk to her. She walked away with another guy, but kept eye contact like she was showing that she wasn't into the well dressed man. Josh had no clue he was on her hook and that thrilled her even more. After teasing close to a dozen men that night, Vicki headed home, feeling aroused from all the sexual frustration she had caused all these men. She laid in bed, wondering how her real prize was coming. She would know by tomorrow. THE NEXT DAY

Amber woke up the next day, she looked around, and felt out of place in the sorority house. She stood up and got dressed, it was dark out and the room was pitch black. She finally turned on the light and saw her newself. She blinked and had it been a mere 2 hours prior her mind would have still been its former self, now she was merely a toy. She moved to the mirror and took a selfie, and sent it to a number that she seemed to know.

She sent a message. "Mistress, your toy is ready, how do I look?" Vicki got the message, staring at the new gothic beauty. She smiled, "Such a good toy, come to Mistress." Amber got up, walking out the room and out of the sorority house, she knew in her mind and body where to go. It took her about 20 mins to walk there but soon she arrived. Vicki smiled, "You look perfect my dear." "Thank you," she bowed and stepped part Vicki into the house, starting a new life as a toy to be used.

[himasgod]

NRC STAFF AND YUU

Where they find out that Yuu is self-harming

I was going to add a warning and a lil comf message as always in this type of fanfics, but I think annonie explains it pretty well <3

responding to this request

It was Grim who approached him—nervously, voice urgent.

“You gotta talk to Yuu, Professor. They’ve been… off. They flinch when I get too loud, and the other day I saw bandages I know weren’t there before. I don’t get it… why would they do that?”

Crewel paused.

He had graded over fifty exams last night, scolded a third-year for exploding a cauldron... But that one sentence stopped everything.

He didn't scold Grim. He didn't panic. He nodded once and said,

“Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing, pup.”

That night, Crewel stayed up researching.

He was poring through psychology journals. His brow furrowed as he read about pain, coping mechanisms, and invisible wounds.

The next morning, he requested Yuu stay after class. Not in front of the others—he simply handed them a folded slip during potion lab, saying, “Come see me after last bell. No rush.”

When Yuu arrived, they looked uneasy, shoulders high with tension.

“I’m not in trouble, am I?”

“No. Sit. Please.”

They did, eyes darting to the ingredients shelf, then to the floor. Crewel sat across from them, hands folded on his desk, voice softer than they’d ever heard it.

“Grim spoke to me.”

Yuu froze. Crewel continued gently.

“He’s worried about you. And now, so am I.”

Silence. Yuu’s throat tightened.

“I’m sorry—” they blurted, eyes starting to burn.

“I didn’t want anyone to know— I was just— I didn’t know how else to deal with everything and—”

“Stop.”

Not a harsh command. Crewel stood and walked around the desk. He knelt beside them, one gloved hand hovering over their shaky hands .

“You have nothing to apologize for. Pain is not a moral failure. It doesn’t make you shameful. It makes you human.”

Yuu’s breath hitched.

“I’m not here to fix you. I can’t wave a magical pen and erase what you’ve felt. But I can promise you this: you’re not alone in this. Not anymore.”

He rose, placed a hand over his heart.

“You’re a part of this college. My student. And I take care of what’s mine.”

From then on, Crewel didn’t hover—but he checked in.

When Yuu looked withdrawn in class, he’d ask them to help sort ingredients. I

f they were dissociating, he’d say, “Mind walking with me to the greenhouse?”

Small tasks that let them breathe.

And he never pushed. Never pried.

Only left the door open—always open.

Crowley had a knack for dramatics. He thrived on being the center of the room.

But when Grim nervously shuffled into his office one rainy afternoon and said, “I think Yuu’s in trouble,” the headmage's feathers metaphorically dropped.

He didn't say a word at first. Just listened.

Later, he knocked on Ramshackle’s door himself.

Yuu answered, surprised. “Headmage?”

He took off his mask.

“May I come in?”

They blinked.

Crowley never took off his mask.

Never.

Crowley stood in the entryway.

“I hear you’ve been struggling. And before you say anything—I’m not here as your headmage.”

He placed the mask gently on a dusty table.

“I’m here as someone who once felt like a ghost too.”

Yuu swallowed hard.

“I know it’s hard, adjusting to this place,” he continued. “You’ve had to survive here without magic, without family, without answers. And you’ve done it all without a safety net.”

His voice wavered.

“Perhaps I should’ve given you one sooner.”

Yuu stared at him. Crowley’s eyes, usually behind his mask, were steady.

“Can I show you something?” he asked.

He led them to a storage room near the staff quarters. There, behind old uniforms and spell books, was a small chest. He opened it.

Inside were journals.

Dozens of them, worn at the edges.

“I wrote these when I was your age. A long, long, long.... long time ago.” he said quietly.

“When I didn’t understand the world, or my place in it. When I thought maybe… the world would be better off without me.”

Yuu’s breath caught.

“You’re not weak for needing help,” he said, turning to them. “You’re wise for accepting it.”

From then on, when he saw them anxious in a hallway, he didn’t sweep them away with flair.

He’d tap their shoulder, whisper, “There’s tea in my office. Let’s get some air.”

And on days when Yuu couldn’t speak at all, Crowley would sit beside them in silence. No mask. Just himself.

In time, Yuu came to understand that even the loudest voices sometimes scream just to be heard.

And Crowley?

He’d make sure Yuu never had to scream alone again.

It started with a quiet knock on the side door of Mystery Shop one evening after lights-out.

“Hey, little imp,” he said without turning around“Didn’t expect you tonight.”

But when Yuu stepped inside, their energy wasn’t curious about the items. It was heavy.

Sam finally looked over, smile fading as he saw their eyes red rimmed, hands tucked in their sleeves.

“Something happened?”

“I relapsed.”

Sam didn’t recoil, didn’t gasp.

He just set down the crystal orb he’d been polishing and stepped out from behind the counter.

“Come sit,” he said gently, guiding them to the little seating nook near the incense shelf. “Tell me what you need.”

“I don’t know,” Yuu whispered. “I just—Grim told the others, and everyone’s being kind, but I feel like I’m broken again. Like I failed.”

Sam reached over and pulled a tiny wooden box from a shelf behind him.

“Know what this is?” he asked, resting it in their lap.

Yuu shook their head.

“This box came from a spirit walker in the Scalding Sands. It’s over four hundred years old,” Sam explained. “Used to carry healing charms, notes of love, little promises folks made to themselves when they were hurting.”

He opened it slowly.

Inside were slips of folded paper—some new, some brittle with age.

Sam added one more—his own. He held it out to Yuu.

“Write one. Anything you want. Doesn’t have to be big. Could be: ‘I want to breathe tomorrow.’ Or: ‘I want to see the sun.’”

Yuu stared, then shakily took the pen.

After a long pause, they wrote:

“I want to believe I’ll be okay again.”

Sam tucked it inside the box, sealed it, and whispered, “Now it’s kept safe. No refunds, no backsies. That promise is real now.”

Yuu smiled weakly.

From that night forward, Sam always had a space open at the back of the shop.

If Yuu was overwhelmed in class, they’d sometimes find a handmade “delivery” waiting in their dorm room: a spell charm for calm dreams, a candle, or a simple note that read:

“Healing ain’t linear. But I’ve seen how stubborn you are. You’ll get there.”

Professor Trein stood at the front, chalk still in hand, yet his eyes had wandered from the blackboard.

He watched Yuu—slumped at their desk, shoulders taut, eyes unfocused. Not bored. Not distracted. Disassociated.

Lucius had already leapt from his desk perch and was weaving around Yuu’s chair. Trein set the chalk down.

“Yuu,” he said calmly, “Could you assist me in the archive room for a moment?”

There was no reason to doubt the request. It was casual enough.

No alarm in his tone. No heads turned. Yuu nodded numbly, rising without protest as the class barely took notice.

Trein’s pace was slow as he led them to a quiet hall—far from noise.

He closed the door behind them.

“Would you like to sit?” he offered, pulling out a chair from a reading desk.

Yuu did. But their gaze remained lowered.

Trein sat across from them, hands folded.

“There are lessons one cannot find in any curriculum,” he began, “Lessons about how to exist in a world that often refuses to make space for our pain.”

Silence.

“You don’t need to speak right away. I only ask that you listen.”

Yuu nodded once—just enough to let him know they were still with him.

“I’ve seen the signs,” he said. “The trembling. The vacant stares. The way your hands fidget when you believe no one is watching.”

“I want you to know I do not pity you. Pity can be shallow and cruel. What I feel is respect.”

Yuu looked up, confused.

“It takes strength to face each day knowing you’re at war with your own thoughts. It takes courage to survive when the world you knew has been torn from you and replaced with a place that doesn’t always feel real.”

Trein continued, “Grim came to me out of concern. And I assure you, Yuu… there is no shame in stumbling during recovery. Only in believing you must do it alone.”

Lucius jumped into Yuu’s lap then, curling up. Yuu slowly let a hand drift to stroke his back.

Trein gave a faint smile.

“Even Lucius knows who needs grounding.”

He then reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a bound notebook—aged but blank.

“This is for you. Write what hurts. What confuses you. Or write nothing at all. You may tear out the pages, burn them, or never show a soul. But sometimes, the mind cannot quiet until its burdens are given a place to rest.”

Yuu took it gently.

Down the road, Trein never hovered. But he always noticed.

If Yuu’s answers in class were shorter than usual, he’d adjust the lesson pace. If he saw their breathing stutter when voices around grew loud, he’d assign a solo reading task and lead the others elsewhere—shielding them with normalcy.

“Oi! You’re not gettin’ out of PE that easy!”

Yuu had hoped to sneak past the training field.

But Vargas spotted them with that hawk gaze of his and jogged over, waving enthusiastically.

They braced for a lecture about attendance, but he paused as he got closer.

“You okay?” he asked—less gruffly than usual.

Yuu tried to shrug it off, but Vargas tilted his head.

“I know I ain’t always the most gentle guy. But I do notice when one of my students looks like they’re carryin’ a boulder on their back.”

He crossed his arms.

“You wanna go for a walk?”

Yuu blinked. “You’re not gonna make me run laps?”

“Nope. Today we walk. Slowly. No sweat.”

So they did—around the track, where Vargas usually shouted drills.

His voice was calm, explaining how, even in physical training, injuries sometimes come from inside.

“Used to have a friend back in my rookie days,” he said. “Tough guy. Strong as hell. But he had demons in his head that none of us could see.”

He glanced at Yuu.

“Pain ain’t just broken bones and bruises. You can be fightin’ for your life, and no one will know unless they look close enough.”

Yuu swallowed. “I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“You didn’t,” Vargas said, dead serious. “You’re still standin’. You showed up today. That takes guts.”

They stopped near the bleachers, and Vargas handed them something—a pair of weight gloves.

“These are yours now, not for lifting. Not for workouts. Just a reminder. You’re stronger than you think.”

From then on, Vargas kept an eye on them.

If Yuu’s breathing quickened during group drills, he’d subtly call a “water break.” If they looked spaced out, he’d shout, “Hey! Wanna time me on the sprint?”

[writingmochi]

lissie: hello adeline from part 2! love what you say in part 1 so i hope that my insight could continue adding more to the story! oh yeah, this is definitely the angsty side of the main two-part story

spoilers for all parts of laurel hell (read part 1 first) also there might be some heavy topic discussed as well

"Not hee calling his friends’ behaviours childish. I love that their friend groups did in fact merge, that makes me very happy" "I feel bad about this honestly like :/ youd think the fact that theyre having a baby together would change things but its doesnt really; at least not at this point"

heeseung was still feeling very much indifferent to mc, especially after the kiss (and the subtle jealousy of mc x beomgyu at the end of part 1). like, he still hasn't understand fully why his friends are so easliy enamoured by mc, hence why he calls them childish and mc is used to childish behavior because she is surrounded by children for her work (even though after reading this, we now know that one of them has an ulterior motive for being close to mc).

also, i also believe that around this part of the story as the group merges in, heeseung realises he had to let you in in the other aspects of his life as well. in a way, heeseung is pretty possessive towards mc and he felt "left behind". how mc goes to their apartment to talk with jimin or being invited to jeongin's stream instead of for him. i felt that he was already starting to like mc romantically around this stage. like he is mad at himself that he is not the one who made mc "glow" in joy

"American Football mention <//3 havent heard that name in forever"

oh you're gonna hear them next month. currently plotting a jake fic where he is a drummer for an alt rock/midwest emo band so american football is the main sound inspiration for that, alongside car seat headrest

“you don’t think that i don’t realize your crush on beomgyu, don’t you? with the way you’ve been pining over him ever since he brought you to the doula’s office. even if i still harbor unsavory feelings towards you, i’ll allow it cause it’s fucking natural when you interact with him as much. but to then see you slut yourself out to my friends-“

(the part where heeseung told mc how he realised her feelings towards beomgyu as ulterior motive to hang with him but, in return, neglecting her babies) "Oh that broke my heart. Her feelings were a bit obvious in part 1 and it being out in the open hurts"

and the fact that it is heeseung--her fucking rival--is the one that outed is hurts so bad. around this part, including the abortion implication mentioned, that's around the timing when heeseung clocked that he is genuinely attached to the baby while mc is slowly forgetting it. it's the reverse to what they were from the start of part 1 and shows the changes of priorities and such because she was very close to gaining her goal: beomgyu's love and care. i do think that around this part of the story, if heeseung gets the ability to bear the twins, he fucking would like that male seahorse that gives birth

"Rejection always makes me so ughfhsibd yknow, i feel so bad for her. Also the whole thing about beomgyu and ryujin??? Thats not nice :( now why would he string her along :/ did he really care for her friendship?"

the level of betrayal. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i had to. gosh when i was writing that scene, it was so vivid in my mind like when mc was pleading for beomgyu to like her back is like aughhhh (and i'm the freaking writer). speaking of beomgyu: at first, yes, he was stringing mc along just so that he can meet with ryujin aka his crush since high school because mc, ryujin, beomgyu, and heeseung went to high school together. but, he started to regret it during mc's hermit arc and after it, especially when he got rejected by ryujin (girl friendship right there). it's the reason why it takes him a year to let go of that whole thing cause it's a domino effect that haunts him and why, in the epilogue, when mc says to beomgyu to let go and move on, he does that and feel the weight falling off his shoulders as both share laughter with each other

I also feel super bad for Heeseung because it seems as if he has feelings for her but obviously their history makes it difficult and the act of being together to their parents

oh yeah, that whole mc's two-week hermit arc is the turning point where heeseung doesn't only care about the twins well-being inside mc, but also her well-being as well

"OMG ITS A BOY AND A GIRL I WAS HOPING😭😭😭😭😭"

i had to! already hinted that because they are fraternal twins after all

"AND THEIR PARENTS GOT THEM A NEW APARTMENT???/ WHAT.

supportive parents who are supporting these to be together aka the first shippers of heemc

“your mom and i are actually rivals in our school basketball athlete days.” your mom said, “we used to trash talk so much at each other that our teacher had the smart plan for us to do something for detention together.” "Its a shame they didnt get together 🚬🥀"

bahaha heemc wouldn't be born then :D also i think those two are like those women who like pda but the idea of something more romantic/sexual disgust them. platonic love is very much their thing and they love hyping each other up

“you have me, (l/n)(y/n). we can heal together, if you want, of course. or else, i just take care of myself better an-“ "This made me tear up a bit :("

this is the sequel to the basketball court scene and also the sleepover at mc's room. i love this sequence too so much cause this is when i think mc is like "i have this guy who genuinely seemed to care for me. i don't want my kids to be abandoned by their dad and he is nicer to me now. i might have also realised my feelings towards this guy and how he doesn't stop taking care of me even when we don't have direct contact" so this is when mc decided that, yes, heeseung could be part of my heart as well and she is also that to him

but of course, with a little comedy because they like to tease each other

"The interaction with the kids has me so soft oh my god"

i made that scene to show how ready heeseung is to be a dad lol because the boy started from zero basically so when heeseung can actually keep up with multiple kids, it makes mc much more fall in love with him

"Demiromantic rep!! That makes me super happy ahhh"

*writing this in june* happy pride! also ryujin in this fic is canonically demiromantic bisexual. she is one of my openly queer characters and (currently) the only character outside of my time wave universe characters who has mc (asexual spectrum), yeonjun (demiromantic pansexual), soobin (bisexual), and min who is a side character (non-binary aroace)

you could see heeseung’s hooded gaze as he didn’t hesitate to crouch down and give two kisses to each side of your bump—for his two kids—before he stood up and gave you another peck on the lips. "Oh im fucking soft ugh"

oh yeah this part is jsut so soft (but also genuinely, that "hooded gaze" ... bro is horny at that time)

“it’s time?” heeseung asked, his mind’s wiring not right as he saw you standing up, wobbling from your weight. but he also sees the front of your crotch all wet and the beanbag being the collateral damage. “oh fuck, it’s time- okay.” "Not me laughing, i love when men panic for childbirth"

oh yeah that birth scene is like heeseung is panicking and i love it so much. but hey! just what haseul the doula said: "the dad is usually the one panicking, not the mom."

aww i'm glad that you like the story. i could also see how you got laurel hell!mc in the quiz from your reactions. thank you so much for reading once again

on my way to reply to the epilogue reblog

part 2

cast: heeseung ✗ fem.reader (ft. the peeps, enhypen, and other idols)

synopsis: when you told your long-term rival and latest hook-up, heeseung, that you are pregnant with his child; you didn't expect said topic to be involved in your rivalry!

genre: romantic comedy, slice of life, coming-of-age, slow burn, drama, rivals since childhood to [redacted], college/university au, pregnancy au, future parents au, fluff, angst, mature content (explicit smut)

word count: 36351 (36.3k) out of 60550 (60.5k)

warning(s): so many curse words!, implication of abortion, rejection, depression, mention of cigarettes, mentions of consumption of alcohol, explicit description of active labor and childbirth, blood, explicit sex, pregnant sex, pretty rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up tho guys), hand job (m & f receive), oral job (m & f receive), dirty talk with pet names (daddy & mama), marking, multiple orgasms, creampies (if there is something that i forgot, let me know)

message of the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.

i genuinely didn't expect THAT much attention on the first part! here is the rest and yes, the word count increased by 2k words. thank you so much for the love and support on the first part and enjoy! p.s. all the links will be edited including from the character intro and the first part!

soundtrack | read part 1 first!

3. the heat of lightning is 30.000° celsius

“bro, innie. your stream is starting.” chaeryeong calls out from the couch as the setup of jeongin’s camera and lights are standing in front of her. jimin brought in the snacks and put them on the coffee table right in front of ryujin and minjeong who sitting on either side of you. beomgyu and heeseung follow suit, sitting on the other dining table seats brought to the living area while jeongin is setting up his stream on obs.

you could see—from the mini setup of his—the chat scrolling up as you watched them get familiarized with the names that had come back from when jeongin asked you and the girls to join him on his last stream. his viewers seemed to enjoy it so much that another one was scheduled the next day, which is today after lots and lots of matching up free time schedules. as jeongin sat in between minjeong and jimin, he used his wireless mouse to change the static “starting soon” screen so chat could see all of you on the screen inside the boys’ apartment. the apartment that you’ve been hanging around about for the past month.

jeongin starts with, “ey, welcome chat!”

“WELCOME! WOO!” ryujin’s fanfare sounded as you heard the laughter being thrown all around you.

“since you guys have been wanting to for us to play again together since the last stream we did, well surprise, surprise! here we are!” the others seemed to hype him up as jeongin continued to speak. minjeong playfully slaps your hand as you try to not knock your headset that is lightly placed on your belly and playing classical music—something that heeseung’s mom told you could help with the babies inside you—as none of jeongin’s viewers have noticed your pregnancy bump with the successful oversized maternity top you shopped alongside beomgyu. jeongin continues to greet the chat on today’s stream.

“we did mario kart last time but now we will do mario party. but not just any mario party, courtesy of smosh games: we’re doing reverse mario party where the last place is the winner.”

“finally, (y/n) can win-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP HEESEUNG.” you throw the pillow behind you, right towards him as beomgyu stood up to massage your shoulder, hyping you up while heeseung playfully glares at you.

“also, this is chaereyong’s idea. but we decided to not make this stream another "boys vs girls" type, but more so a mixed group with these wooden chopsticks inside the mug here helps in picking which person is in which team.” jeongin holds onto the mug as he pushes it towards each person, picking up the chopsticks one by one. in a countdown, all of you show the chopsticks you picked together as heeseung find his one marked—the same along with you, beomgyu, and ryujin: making you four a team.

the seating arrangements change as you are seated in between the two boys. you’ve already told them that you might not get too physical as you let ryujin and beomgyu play first, playing as luigi and waluigi, respectively. heeseung can hear how you are encouraging your team to play bad as your arms wrap behind beomgyu’s back, making heeseung feel a little iffy but he is just rolling his eyes watching the two using his switch controllers that jeongin asked him to lend out for the eight-peopled stream.

for the past month, as the two groups got closer, heeseung realized how strong your influence is. maybe it’s because you are used to taking care of children—just like his friends’ childish behaviors are—but your demeanor matches well with all of them. when heeseung heard beomgyu invited you and your girls over, he was taken aback by just how easily both groups can blend in with each other. but then he is reminded of what you said on that basketball court: how you want to have a truce with him. how he is so much more ahead of you that you deviate from the sport of basketball that you still seem to enjoy.

heeseung couldn’t join much of the hangout as he was being brought into the season’s games and competing left to right. the scream of his name from the bleachers rings in his ears as he recognizes a few of his fans and decelis’ fans supporting the team as he checks his phone during the break. he remembers how he caught a notification from jeongin’s stream, pressing the banner to see you appearing on it with him as you play guess the song or some sort of game similar to it. then, he remembered one day after you both came out of the doctor park’s office for your biweekly check-up. a sudden proposition you push to him as you hold your phone with the screen showing a familiar social media.

“i’ll follow your instagram and you follow mine back.”

“why?” he questioned, arms wrapped in front of him with squinting eyes.

“that’s another baby step for us to be like what our moms want it to be. you say so yourself.” you also replied with your own wrapped arms in front of you, letting the flowy cloth be pushed towards your body as he could see the shape of it and the appearance of your revealing bump. heeseung let out a groan as he said his username.

“which is your full name?” you raised an eyebrow.

“hey, it’s for personal branding and it’s rare to have a username to be your name…”

you snicker as you hit the follow button, seeing the three-digit number on top now becoming four.

“really? i’m your 1000th follower?” you playfully grab something out of the chest pocket of heeseung’s unbuttoned shirt, placing it near your heart like a badge of rare achievement.

“i’m honored.” your face scrunches, forcing out a tear that is not showing, making you blame your current stable hormone for that not happening. heeseung looked at the notification showing up, a snort coming out of him as he leaned his head closer.

“for fucking real? you’re asking me about why my username is like that while yours is mu- mune ga-“

“mune ga hachikire-sode, ‘my chest seems like it’s going to burst’.” you answered so quickly it’s like you have talked about it before that it became an automated response, earning a pregnant pause as you tilted your head towards him while he stares towards your vicinity. a small gap in between his lips as time passes by without sound between the two of you before he closes the gap and smiles.

“must be a freaking mitski lyric.”

you snorted out a laugh, wondering why he knows you so well.

heeseung gazes at how his friends and your friends seem to thrive under your hyper-ness, even making ryujin jokingly angry because you were unintentionally supporting the other team, making you let out the pout that he doesn’t expect to witness so much from when the semester starts. and now, as it approaches the end with the new year’s coming alongside the gender reveal party coming soon and the last matches for the tournament near the end of the year. life seems to go so fast for him, yet here you are thriving in it. as if you are influenced by some kind of deity that is making people around you notice and care about your presence, frolicking around as you seem to make their lives a tad bit easier to face with your motherly care and, what he acknowledge, your emotional intelligence.

something heeseung had also grown for the past 3 months since you told him you're pregnant with his kids.

the boy realized just how quiet he was when he sensed your shoulder touching his as you leaned back against the sofa to just stare at the screen of jimin screaming how he had to get another star, making him now in first place. a soft smile on your face as you glance at your friends having fun before you feel the trembles against your thigh when you catch heeseung’s leg jittering from how he is moving his achilles’ heel in a random rhythm.

“you alright?” heeseung looks down to find your hand on top of his pant-covered thigh. you give him a thin lip frown as you let your touch soothe him down, seemingly not minding the entire history you have with him. the boy is suddenly too embarrassed to see you as you watch the redness growing on both of his cheeks. you wanted to tease him about it—maybe it’s the awkwardness cause he was not there when you started to get close to his friends—that is showing up now.

as you look at your hand against his thigh, courtesy of your muscles' memory telling you to try soothing every nervous child in your way, you retreat it back to your space before beomgyu wraps his arm around your back to pull you into his embrace while you see the stars and coins are being tallied up alongside additional stars that are given. beomgyu has both hands around your and ryujin’s shoulders as you follow with the momentum, seeing that ryujin got last place–making your team win the first round of mario party.

beomgyu handed the switch controller to his best friend as the game resets for the second round where it is you and heeseung vs. minjeong and jeongin—said girl is focusing on the chat because she is convinced that she caught sungchan’s username there. your cursor instantly picks at rosalina whilst heeseung moves his to pick bowser. peeking to the side, you recognize the competitiveness that is shown from how heeseung is glaring towards the tv screen as you try to flick that same emotion on in your mind. when you feel it tainting you, you give minjeong a sly wink from where you are sitting. that even though she’s one of your best friends, you’re not taking her lightly.

the second game was a tad bit chaotic as physical play was done when jeongin seemed to make mind games by positioning himself behind where you and heeseung sit. yet, the rivalry doesn’t just create between your team and the other team; heeseung has also started playing dirty when he grabs onto your controller to stop you from failing the task.

“ughh!” you groan out as you hear the laugh coming from jimin on the other sofa, making you answer by covering heeseung’s eyes as he couldn’t see where his bowser was supposed to fell off the platform, proclaiming him to win the match and increase the ever-loving coins he owns, making him have to buy the star if he came across it: only five more spaces to go on the board. the way you hinder him from failing and he does the same to you creates a slapstick that jeongin’s chat seems to revel in as you spot jimin reading the text that is running to the top of the monitor as fast as the light goes.

“woah!” he proclaimed as you noticed chaeryeong snickering from the rapidly moving chat. “people seemed to ship you and heeseung, (y/n).”

“no kidding.” you reacted as you stared at the way your rosalina was three spots closer to the star—no choice but to buy one as you got over 20 coins. your body forces you to stand up as you kneel to see the chat, eyes glancing between four points on the screen of jeongin’s laptop: the chat who is now arguing on who are the “correct” ships within the people here, the screen as minjeong rolls the dice for her shy guy to move, beomgyu who leans back against the sofa’s backrest, and heeseung who is leaning forward to the screen before you caught his eyes for a few milliseconds.

“come on, chat. really? me and heeseung?” you audibly scoffed, glancing at your friends that is showing on the stream a few seconds later from the latency. “what about me and beomgyu? he’s also nice to me.”

“I SURE DO, (Y/N).” he said as you could detect him grinning with two thumbs up before he rested his hands behind the sofa by your empty seat. but you could see heeseung’s very obvious scowl as he didn’t say anything. the determination to lose against you may now be influenced with an even more push—because you did say to him that you’re the one losing in your battle.

“not your mods creating a poll for who shipped (y/n) with whom and the fact that (y/n) x jeongin is pretty high too.” chaeryeong stated as you tried to hold back your laughter. with the knowledge; which you’ve just known as you started hanging out with the boys; that jeongin’s mom is an ob-gyn doctor also, he has let you talk to his mom when it’s jeongin’s turn to “babysit” you—"per heeseung’s request" he said—making you show up on jeongin’s stream more often than the other girls as you and he create a more sibling vibe where he teaches you how to game. with the help of every woman around you including jeongin’s mom, you could say that you can expect what you’ll expect for your second and third trimesters and your birth. how jeongin’s mom and doctor park’s sayings are pretty much similar in a way as they remind you that you have to give birth to your twins before week 40 so that they could fit through your hip bone since you want to do it the normal way.

you were glad beomgyu had invited you to meet up. because you felt like you’d met brand new people with whom you seemed to have a sense of familiarity. like old friends having a reunion.

“WOAH! (y/n) x heeseung is no.1!” jimin reacted as all of you heard the chime of a gift sent to jeongin followed by a text-to-speech sound.

“(y/n) and heeseung’s bickering is something i aspire to have with my significant other.” the robot voice sounds as you watch ryujin’s wide eyes getting larger, knowing your real-life relationship as she has been there the longest as of right now alongside beomgyu who is just holding a subtle sheepish smirk.

“bickering because we aren’t compatible with each other? yeah right,” you give a verbal jab as you can see the comments updating a few seconds later when your words are streamed, making people send the sus emote in the chat column but also a few “opposites attract” and “you can get to know each more” comments as you looked at heeseung. the corner of his lips rose as you gave up on reading the chat before sitting down back to your empty seat. your body was instantly ignited in surprise as you could feel how beomgyu was holding your shoulder, stretching his arm behind your shoulders as you were trying your best to use your special dice to lose. then, you sensed a shift on your thigh as you find heeseung’s moving his against yours, either to distract you… or to tell you something you haven’t realized.

-

heeseung was heaving as the coach took him out of the court to the sidelines to bring sungho in as his replacement. drops of sweat are forming on his exposed forearm while he watches the score of his team nearing 50 in the game's last quarter. sunoo gave him a small towel as he looked to the back to only see none of his friends on the bleachers. other than ryujin, all of them are watching the want2dance crew showcase—you and beomgyu have no information circulating even though his turn to take care of you. heeseung should’ve been ecstatic that he got the ticket for the finale that easily. sure, the rival is strong enough, but with niki now standing as a center alongside sunghoon, they’ve been able to block the shots of the other team with their long limbs and agile jumps.

yet, all he could worry about was how much he had learned for the next appointment with the doula as he was trying to beat you with the advantage you had by the women all around you—including jeongin’s mom he had hidden as a wildcard now exposed to you.

he tried to familiarize his hands with how to hold a baby with a plushy jeongin still owned in his room before he tried using the full 2-liter water bottle he had that was identical to the real weight. heeseung had read the books that the doula recommended to him—well, heard the books that doula had recommended as he worked out with the audiobook version speaking to his ears. yet, the only thing that miss haseul said that he is stuck in his mind as he looks at you who is closing your eyes whilst you stretch your back because of his babies is…

“don’t just stand there.”

heeseung doesn’t just stand there, he does things he tried to help; preparing groceries so that you don’t have to worry about that, carrying your bags around so you don’t have to walk as your stomach is getting bigger than ever from the growing fetuses. yet he knew what the phrase actually implies.

“don’t just stand there.” take care of her, be there for her, love her.

but how could heeseung love you when you’ve been such a pest in his life? sure, that night at the basketball court is a step of progress towards normalcy in your relationship, but, just like you said. baby steps are needed as you both had hurt each other so much; after he now knows of what you feel in the catalyst of why you hate each other and how you also know of his.

the coach’s board is pushed in front of him as he traces the magnetic jersey symbol with the number 3 representing his position as the small forward if he got to be put on the court once again. since jake is playing as the point guard and how he had been killing it in slipping through the rival’s defense, heeseung’s job is to find an opening so he can throw the ball to either jake or sungho who will stay nearer to the half-circle if heeseung got put in.

“or just try to shoot as many 3-pointers as you like. we have the advantage here and our goal is to make that gap wider. passing 50 would be great.” coach min said, making heeseung turn his head towards the scoreboard, seeing the 45:36 bold in the red LED lights. and with his mind not wanting to wait more for his appointment, his gaze changes as he sounds his understanding to the coach. heeseung stretched his neck when he viewed the coach walk to the side referee so he could be switched back in.

heeseung explains as best as he able to the other four of the court about the plan, making jake and sungho nod their heads and niki with taesan at the back of their side of the court showing their own styles of understanding. the ball was thrown by the rival as taesan snatched it, pivoting on his legs before giving a bounce pass towards heeseung who was running pass the center line near the 3-pointer curve. his head is going into alert mode as he maneuvers the ball so that the rival who is pinning on him won’t steal it. a few passes between him, taesan, and niki; heeseung found an opening to go inside near the basket as he surged forward like a tank, making his own opening as he passed the ball to jake who scored a layup. heeseung recognized the rival could get a free throw chance, but he doubted it would go in as jake and sungho were prepared for a rebound with the second free throw.

the score is now 49:38 as he could see the time is now under 60 seconds. heeseung took control of the ball the most while he tried his best to find an opening for either jake or sungho, but with the change of two players from the other team coming in: they seemed to know his strategy as not one of them was bamboozled by how fast the passes are between him, niki, and taesan. the others figured out they had only one chance left to do a foul. they knew they only had 15 seconds till the shot clock ran out and under 30 seconds on the time of the scoreboard. heeseung realized something, something that can be stupid but will have a better chance of a happy ending in the end.

as heeseung bounces the ball on the ground towards niki—not strong enough like the last few times—the rival successfully robbed the ball as the shot clock resets. all the boys retreated as heeseung was the first one to hold off on the guy who was holding the ball, seemingly not knowing what to do with the ball in his possession. heeseung knows that they’re doing this to play defense against decelis because they don't want the gap to get even wider.

their passes aren’t as quick as his team's when taesan successfully clutches the ball and passes it to heeseung. the clock is under 5 seconds and he heard the growing sound of people counting down from the seats. he knew he couldn’t lay up as it would be too far or even shooting in the safer throwing area even if it gave a higher chance is risky. no, heeseung flung the ball as best as he could after passing the center line. the buzzing sound signals the end of the game as heeseung stares at the ball falling in an arch so perfectly that it gets caught by the net and instantly falls through with no theatrics, making everyone roar.

“there it is, folks. lee heeseung, number 1 from decelis, makes the game as he scores a 3-pointer buzzer-beater. AND SUCCEEDED. congratulations to hybe’s decelis. you will enter the grand finale after the new year’s celebration.”

he could sense the embrace of his teammates around him. jungwon is the closest as he playfully brushes his sweaty hair, making him glare, and wants to go out of the embrace when it’s two layers of players deep. coach min comes and gives his own thumbs up before guiding him near the referee's place as he and his team are met with the rivals, who show their sportsmanship by shaking their hands. heeseung recognizes of one of the players when said player wraps his arm around his shoulders. the announcer with a small bundle full of snacks.

“and here he is. player of the match, lee heeseung of decelis!”

heeseung hears the ovations coming from the decelis side of the bleachers as he receives the bundle, knowing that he would ravish this in one go because, my god, is he starving. congratulatory talks are spoken among the players as if it’s more of a friendly match rather than in a tournament setting, yet as heeseung walks around to meet the team he had his match with, the reminder of the appointment pinned on his mind rings once again.

pulling up to the assigned locker room, he pulls off his jersey so he can wipe his sweaty body using a smaller towel that is wet with water cause he doesn’t think that he has enough time to shower when the appointment is in an hour. feeling the clean wet towel getting rid of the stickiness on his body, he eyes his teammates who are still gleaming from their win of the ticket to the grand final. yet, for heeseung, he had been numb to the feeling. of course, he had to do well with basketball because it was for his scholarship, but knowing that he had possibly secured the scholarship for his final semester, he could actually relax from it and focus on other things in life.

his desire to be a sports journalist and, now, his preparation to be a dad.

“guys, i’m not gonna join to eat after this,” he spoke out after he heard jake asking him. a regular post-match meal is a tradition with the decelis guys. but heeseung has other places to go as he uses his body spray all over his torso and tucks his head and arms into his clean t-shirt, the decelis jersey’s bottom with the #1 still in place, and a pair of recovery sandals to let his feet breathe. heeseung gave the guys his bag of cheetos from the ‘player of the match’ bundle as little cookies and chocolates are enough to satiate his needs, knowing that he could buy takeout as he returned to his apartment, or if you also wanted to grab something to eat after meeting haseul.

the engine groans as the car turns alive. heeseung pulls out of the parking lot of the arena as he drives towards the office, the radio playing his own bluetooth-connected music as he recovers himself from the euphoria of the match, returning to the reality of his other responsibilities. he hadn’t heard from you for a while—when usually you are the one to nag if he has arrived or about his whereabouts as you prepare yourself to meet him. he was glad that he could enjoy the calmness even for just a few minutes, seeing the various silhouettes of the outside world passing by when the office building shows up in his sight from his windshield.

heeseung presses the button to lock the car as he approaches the office in his post-match outfit, a tote bag hanging from his shoulders that is filled with the notes haseul, doctor park, and jeongin’s mom gave to him printed as he might ask for some elaboration about it. though most doulas focus on the mom, he is glad that haseul can also handle first-time fathers as well because, as she said, “sometimes the dad is the more anxious one out of the two.” he acknowledges this because, as he had a talk with his own dad about this, the pregnancy is out of the dad’s control most of the time. especially in giving birth, as the only thing that they could do was to observe how the birthing was going. which means that he has to trust you to do your deed.

he recalled haseul given him and you a “bonding” exercise which is filled with laughter instead as both of you couldn’t be serious enough about this. how you both had to stay in eye contact for 5 minutes to “feel your connection getting tighter”. sometimes, he had to blink or look away from your eyes cause it was piercing with unknown emotions. but he got reminded of when both of you had sex, that final part when he is just staring at you as you sit on his shaft, grinding to find out who will cum first to break the tie. the feeling was similar—an unspoken bond created between the two full of complex history and emotions he has to untangle one by one.

heeseung’s knuckles knocked on the door as he heard the movement inside. the door opened to let him see haseul in her professional clothing.

“heeseung! come in.” she steps aside as he is met with haseul and…

nobody else.

“where’s (y/n)?”

haseul turns her head to him, “i thought you knew, she didn’t say that we’re cancelling today’s appointment.”

“hmm…” heeseung replied as he grabbed his phone, seeing the instagram notifications from the people who tagged him in the match for being the ‘player of the match’. but, when he sees your account profile flashing on the top—the newly followed account as you both did a follow-for-follow—he taps the icon to see you and beomgyu in your instagram stories, how you hooked your arm with beomgyu’s as you walk down a sidewalk, how you recorded chaeryeong dancing with her crew and tag her, how he had seen a photo of you, beomgyu, minjeong, jeongin, chaeryeong, and jimin after the show, and a photo of food at the end as he sees you tag all of his friends and yours, including ryujin who seemed to be available to do a get together because of her modeling appointment.

all except him.

to say that heeseung is heartbroken by that is an understatement. sure not all of his guys are available to watch him play all the time—only jeongin showed up to his quarter-final match last time, but to realize that the change of dynamic happened because of you is making the flint in his heart move faster to ignite the fire. and to know that you didn’t even cancel the appointment, to leave haseul hanging, when you have babies to take care of as you have used your own money to pay for the appointment, while you do a get-together that can be done anytime during the rest of the 3 months of your pregnancy. the changes within the dynamic for the past two months are ridiculous and heeseung…

all he could do was sigh as he closed his phone, glancing up to glance at haseul who had a warm smile on her face.

“well, i have a few things i hope you elaborate on.” the boy said, using this appointment to help him be the better parent.

-

“shit!”

you had to stop yourself from walking as you perceived the contractions coming from your uterus, the same feeling when you had your period, yet it’s dimmer and longer. as the weather gets colder, you tucked your coat that is draping outside of your maternity dress and legging on. you have to thank chaeryeong once again for helping you put it on. the two of them continue to grow inside you as you walk the familiar path towards the boys’ apartment, as per heeseung request cause jeongin told him they wanted to play a game together and you, being the new addition to jeongin’s stream, seemed to be asked to join in.

you could deny it. but you can join cause you have nearly all of your class projects finished, especially the marketing research one as you use the daycare as the protagonist of your case study to figure out how to market a product to different parents. you still have two exams for the two other classes you took this semester and then, it’s all done for you. and with the warmth you receive from the boys, you want to give it back to them too.

you give a small nod to the security guard as you press the button for the elevator, seeing one of the two open as you are greeted with the empty elevator with reflective sheets of metal surrounding the side walls. as you practically waddle inside the elevator and press the correct floor button, you gaze at yourself through the mirror-like surface. turning your body to the side, you view how your coat protrudes from the front as it creates a right triangle shape. moving one side of the coat behind, you observe how your maternity clothes are stretched by your belly to show the growing lives inside of you. the growing lives you can feel are moving around, but haven’t reached out to you as you can only sense them within you. you need to blame heeseung because of the way they push up your intestines, making you very much nauseous all the time after you eat.

the ring of the elevator dings stayed as you walked and arrived at the front door of the boys’ apartment. no sound is heard from the other side—maybe jeongin is waiting for you to arrive so he can start the stream together. the sound of the doorbell is picked up as you gaze at the camera lens connected to the intercom inside before you to the door when you catch the footsteps approaching from behind the door.

appearing before you is heeseung in a white graphic t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. he seems to have a slight pant with his breathing—like he was working out. you’ve opened your mouth as you saw, wanting to talk about something, but you forgot what as you see him rolling his eyes and a “come in” is spoken, leaving you alone by the cabinet for their shoes as you tried your best to slip out of it without the help of your hands.

the apartment is in the regular state rather than the group stream set jeongin had to do. a duffle bag of what looks like to be heeseung’s has a few pairs of basketball shoes—known for the tall shape as it guards your ankle more than regular sports shoes. the wooden floorboard is warm as you guessed he had to turn the heater on, making your way towards the hallways where heeseung and jeongin’s rooms are across from each other.

that’s when you hear a sound.

the sound of nothingness as you approached jeongin’s ajar bedroom door, seeing it empty.

“where’s jeong-?”

“we have to talk, (l/n).” heeseung cuts you off again as he turns his head to face you, his hand on his door so he can just push it open as you stare at him, agape.

“jeongin’s with his stray kids guys doing a group stream,” he added as he knows you wouldn’t stop asking if you don’t know, especially cause jeongin’s the one who invited you—which makes you finally think about how it’s so weird that he had to go through heeseung to invite you when he could just message you through the instagram dm. heeseung gave you one more gaze before going inside his room, leaving the door open as you could feel the swelling tension that was heavier than what your usual banter had been for the past few months.

walking inside, you were met with the wrinkled mattress and comforter of heeseung’s bed. the same bed that you and him copulate and in return, create the babies inside you. the last time you went into his room fully—cause you never went inside his room even though you visited often either beomgyu or jeongin’s invitations—was the night you and him fucked. you didn’t recognize the amount of basketball paraphernalia that is sticking to his walls last time as you finally view it, a poster of what looks like alternative rock bands cause you recognized the paramore, the arctic monkeys, and even the american football posters.

heeseung’s figure reaches his desk and he sits on the chair by it, caressing his face with his hands as you can see the way his facial muscles contort around his eyebrows and forehead.

“what are we talking about?” you lightly scoffed as you stood in front of heeseung, who lifted his head with a tenacious look on his face.

“where were you in the past three weeks?” you can pick up how he spoke with his teeth grinding against each other.

“why’d you care? you’ve seen me all the time. heck, i saw you last week when i came to visit beomgyu-“

“NO!” he stood up after you jumped from his sudden, unprovoked shout. taking a few steps, you are frozen on your feet as he approaches.

“you really don’t fucking care, huh?” heeseung now lets out a huge scoff as he rolls his eyes, very obviously. instead, he was met by another confused and offended look by you. "what does he mean by i don’t fucking care?” you spoke to yourself as he then reply, adding a needed context.

“the fucking appointments, (l/n)(y/n).” his nostrils are so wide that he might as well breathe fire out, making you stunned as your defenses are crumbling down when you realized what he is going to talk about.

you recall the past three weeks, jogging your mind through the endless activities you’ve done such as going out with the girls, going out with ryujin, beomgyu, and jeongin, busying yourself as your interviewing yoonah and the other coworkers for your study case, helping sungchan recover from his hangover as he stayed a night at your apartment—his frat house is overwhelmingly full so that he went back along with minjeong so they could fuck all night, helping ryujin styled for her photoshoot, helping chaeryeong bring the food to her dance crew so they could eat, meeting jimin whilst there, remembering the dance crew show-

the dance crew show you watched with your friends.

trying to comb the calendar in your mind, you’ve just realized that you missed that appointment that day. and then another one last week, the week when beomgyu introduced you to his bandmates as you visited their studio.

“oh fuck…”

“oh fuck, indeed.” heeseung sarcastically mimics you. you tried to hold your head up, but with the way the guilt for not showing up to your doula’s appointment, you could see the slight smirk that was threatening to grow on heeseung’s lips. but he seemed to hold it back as he let out a sigh, a shaky one.

“i’ve been trying, trying to be kind towards you. to give you the fucking benefit of the doubt with what you told me at the basketball court and i believe it. i believed it yet you don’t think about anything after that.” his hand reaches to be placed on his chest as you hold yourself still, fist pushing down to make you stand tall.

“you don’t think i don’t sacrifice as much as you do for them? i sacrifice my time and my friends' time to cater to you who is growing my babies inside you. yet you started to not think about them when you seemed to get everything on your way.” the man says as you can see the way he is grinding his teeth down, yet it still sounds so clear as you get your mind to think straight. heeseung is shaking his head as he can’t hold back the smirk that is slowly growing.

“you don’t think that i don’t realize your crush on beomgyu, don’t you? with the way you’ve been pining over him ever since he brought you to the doula’s office. even if i still harbor unsavory feelings towards you, i’ll allow it cause it’s fucking natural when you interact with him as much. but to then see you slut yourself out to my friends-“

“WOW! OKAY!” you take a step back as the spreading shock of what he told you were triggering the same ever-fiery feelings you also have inside. “that’s a fucking low blow, lee.”

“what other word should i say it with? you’re having my babies, yet here you are being touchy with my friends and forgetting your freaking responsibilities-“

“but slutting myself is such a fucking wrong word to use. that’s too fucking much.” you retaliate back, crossing your arms in front of your stomach as you feel the instinct kicking to protect them. “other than me carrying your babies, you don’t fucking own me, lee heeseung. i can establish whatever relationships that i want and you’re just making yourself look like a jealous boy who can’t seem to make his, fucking, whatever, partner be happy yet the people around you can.”

it is now heeseung’s turn who is stunned, yet his scrunch face still telling him that, even though the word he uses is such an overkill, he is still telling the truth. the truth that seemed to make you fired up to do the offense on him.

“heck, i could’ve terminated them if i didn’t consider you-“

“don’t you fucking dare say that, 'cause,” he says as you looked at him exhaling, the tears of anger brimming in your eyes as you let your mind analyze what you say and how messed up it is. “don’t you see? you thought you were the losing one here? no, (y/n).”

he lets his muscles relax, yet you can recognize just how glassy his eyes are also, mirroring yours. “you have much more powerful control over this relationship than me. you have the fucking right to do whatever you want with yourself. but what’s in it for me? i gave you my savings and we are paying for the appointment together and you become so ungrateful as time goes by not going to them. like i’m just a wallet to you.”

heeseung’s hand reaches towards his cheekbone, his fingers grazes near the corner of his eyes as you watch the whites becoming pink—holding the emotions that he wants to let out but knowing that his friends could be collateral damage to it too now that they have a good relationship with you and your friends.

“i don’t even know what will happen after you give birth to them? are you still going to ignore me and raise them on your own when i have sacrificed even my savings money to pay for this stuff we have to do?”

your throat is dry as you listen to heeseung’s little sobs and sniffles, sensing the way your heart has dropped until it reaches the depths of your being. to then being told the truth that, yes, you are selfish for getting everything you have at the expense of heeseung, who you just now realized is retreating. how the glances at you when you’re with beomgyu, jeongin, or jimin give an annoyed but also a tinge of sadness in them. you now realize that even with heeseung being their roommate, he might not have much time with them anymore because of his basketball practices and with the way you and your friends are hoarding them from him.

“i-“ heeseung’s eyebrows raise as he hears you speak, “i gotta go.” you shake your head, not wanting to openly bawl in front of heeseung as you quickly exit the suffocating space.

the way his voice is calling your name echoes and makes you move faster as you slide your feet inside your shoes before opening the door and quickly and uncomfortably running toward the elevator. pressing the button as fast as possible as the elevator dings, pushing the close button as fast as you can as if you can pick up heeseung’s approaching footsteps.

the elevator door closes as it will bring you to the lobby. you lean back against the wall as you feel the uncomfortable folded-back part of the shoes you wear. damn you for deciding to wear a high-ankle one. you knew it would be hard to fold your leg to just slip the back to cover your heels. but the only thing you could resort to is to sit down on the elevator floor to put them on. quick!

you curse to yourself when your belly is the thing that makes it hard for you to slip it on. you still eye the ever-decreasing number of floors as you are reminded to try sitting with your knees so you can reach the back more easily. your body is doing acrobats more than the exercises haseul has told you to do, but when you feel the flaps now resting behind your feet, you can just stand up and go your merry way-

the elevator door opens when you hear the familiar exclamation of your name before buff arms are helping to make you stand up on your feet.

“did you fall?” jimin is looking at you with worry, leaving his bag outside as you can predict he has finished his class for today. but, with the way that heeseung told you of his friends, the guilt boils up to burn you once again.

“ji-jimin, i gotta go fast. so sorry,” you replied as you pushed yourself out of jimin’s grasp. sure, you could talk to him on what his opinion of you and what heeseung thinks of you. but, you aren’t as close to him as you are with beomgyu.

and that’s where you are bringing yourself.

remembering the band practice he had talked to you about through chat, you walked into the familiar studio area of the campus where he usually is. the hallway inside was getting darker as you entered, the evening time reminding the students to rest for the day as you watched many of them going towards where you came from. the hallway by the door of the studio is dark with only the light and sound of a guitar coming from behind the door’s window. taking a glimpse, you can see beomgyu who is riffing on one of txt’s songs. his long hair shielded his face enough to cause your heart to beat faster than before. well, before remembering what heeseung has told to you. yet, here you are, trying—in a way—to validate that the reason you’ve neglected your appointment is for a good cause for yourself.

beomgyu’s head is lifted as he hears the knocking, looking at the window as his smile widens to see you. you want to reply with the same—you always have been able to—but the underlying emotions you’re experiencing stop you as you try to give the widest smile you can at that moment. the handle turns as you push inside, sensing the warmth of the studio competing against the breeze of the cold weather.

“why are you here?” beomgyu said, his guitar dangling in front of him by the strap.

“so, i can’t be here?” you try to banter, a frown on your face that you usually share with him now has a different reaction as he pulls off the guitar and places it on the speaker before approaching you.

“no, no. of course you can be here,” he replied, the giddiness fell out of him as you noticed why he did that: the swollen eyes that you probably got from tearing up on the way here. remembering your wrongdoings that hurts more than what you and heeseung have gotten through in ages.

as beomgyu leaned closer, he opened his embrace to you, letting you in his arms as you felt the warmth enveloping you, trying to brush away every cold patch that touched your body. yet, it couldn’t touch your heart as much as you want. you wanted to bawl. maybe beomgyu can allow you to bawl into his shoulders. but with what you are doing next, the probability of that will be split.

you were the first one to lean back, hands holding onto his shoulder as he gaped at you with a curious smile before it slowly droops down as you gaze between his eyes and lips. leaning forward, you lean your head and let your lips meet his. the grip on his shoulders was strong as you tried not to tremble. finally. finally, giving in to what you wanted for a long time now.

you could feel the familiar tingling feeling warming your heart as beomgyu just… stands there. for you, that’s enough because at least you told him what you feel based on your actions. but the pausing was too much for your liking, and you can perceive the warmth in your heart getting hotter, too hot, that is giving you searing pain once again.

leaning back, you can see the blank face that is showing on beomgyu’s face. with a heavy heart, you still try to give an optimistic smile that isn’t reciprocated with what you expect. instead, beomgyu is shrugging, a normal expression on his face and you can sense the tears once again forming.

“please,” you whispered, “please tell me you feel the same way as i do for the past few months.” you silently cry.

the boy in question, beomgyu, gives a solemn smile instead. “i’m so, so, sorry (y/n). but i don’t feel the same way.” he is shaking to signal to himself that yes, he doesn’t reciprocate.

however, this is making you question everything.

“then why are you so nice to me? why are you always asking about me or my friends? why are you always joining us?”

“i do like you, (y/n). but, i can’t like you like that-“

“why?” the sound of everything seems to pause as you see beomgyu glances away at something before an unknown yet warm smile that exudes from him startles you.

“first, you’re pregnant with my best friend’s baby- sorry, babies. plural,” he corrects himself, “and second, the night that you and heeseung hooked up. ryujin and i also hooked up-“

“wait WHAT?” your heart is already hurting from the denial because you are heeseung’s baby mama. but the thing about ryujin shocks you.

“so yeah. we both hooked up at your apartment and i got more hooked. i was already hooked when we all were in high school and,”

you couldn’t continue hearing him ramble about ryujin just like how you ramble to the same girl about beomgyu since freaking high school. gosh, that fucking hurts. to know that your crush has a crush on your best friend really hurts. your crush who is best friends with your rival. you want to get a grip on your high school self so she could find out about it because you were too lovesick about beomgyu but despised heeseung as best as you can to not see that. now it just depends on ryujin, but you don’t want to pressure her like that. she’s discovering her queerness and you love her for that and you don’t want a boy to get in between you.

but between you and the boy… well…

you actually let out such an unserious laugh as you realized how totally bamboozled you have been for the past few months. it is helping you spread the pain so that it doesn’t hurt your heart and brain so much.

“you’re using me, ME, so that you can get closer to ryujin,” you sounded with exasperation as while you laughed, you could feel the tears free-falling on your cheek. “to use the attempt to bring boxes of ingredients, picking me up, just to have a glimpse of ryujin once in a while.”

with the quick succession of changes in your emotions, beomgyu just realized what eldritch horror he is summoning: a girl with a broken heart.

“you must be so fucking happy when i say yes to going out with you. a hook, line, and fucking sinker as you get the fish that will lead you to ryujin. yet you’re fucking stringing me along all this fucking time.” you got reminded of the group streams yours and beomgyu’s gang done twice now, to finally noticing just how touchy beomgyu is with ryujin—wrapping his arm behind where she sits—that when you lean against him, you didn’t realize that he was leaning against her too.

“fuck you, choi beomgyu!” you exclaimed as you retreated, tucking the front of your coat to cover your belly once again as the feelings hit you one by one, rushing out of the studio as you run. your tears clouding your sight as you don’t care where you are going. rushing past people as you are met with the pink evening sky as the sun is setting.

you stood by a sidewalk, the tears falling out as you sobbed into the space in front of you. looking downwards, you can see the babies you are holding. you just want to be alone now to wallow in your sadness that is kicking harder because of the hormone you must have to grow them inside them, holding them so you know they are there with you. it really is just you and them against the world.

and they agree with the thought of you buying fried chicken because you can feel them kicking against your touch.

-

it actually worries ryujin that you didn’t go out of your room for anything other than work, exams, or appointments.

her eyes gaze at the door to your room that has been haunting her mind for the past two weeks. a systematic cycle was built as, even with chaeryeong’s persuasions as your mood maker, you won’t go out of your room to even eat.

it started on the day when she and the rest of the girls were worried when you weren't home by midnight. ryujin believed they blow your phone up so bad that it makes you more reluctant to go home, but she remembered she got your phone saved on her find my phone app and they decided to track you using it. their discovery leads them to find you sleeping in a booth of a chicken fast-food restaurant as the leftover bones are left behind. the restaurant is nearly empty with only the employees who work the graveyard shift remaining there to cater to the night people. ryujin doesn’t mind carrying you into the backseat of chaeryeong’s car, but she can definitely feel the heat that is growing on your forehead as the car skidded home.

she heard you grumble as they helped to place you on your bed, making you lay down as they helped you change your clothes. minjeong comes in and brings a wet towel to be put on your forehead before chaeryeong gives you a bowl of cream soup that she hopes you will eat when you are awake. ryujin couldn’t get mad to see you like this—she recognized the dried tear marks fallen from the corner of your eyes. but, the way it spilled into your everyday life for the next two weeks is something she couldn’t comprehend. because you have never been this depressed before.

every time she hears the clicking of your door, she lets out a smile and a warm greeting to then meet you who gives her a small smile yet with no spoken reply as you carry your backpack to wherever you want to go that day. minjeong tried to come along with you, but with a stretch of a hand forward and an open palm; still showing the same small smile, you mouthed a no to her as you went out of the apartment.

because heeseung was busy in doing his exams, beomgyu is still coming by to give the box of ingredients for the week. but ryujin sees that something is bothering him as much as it bothers her. he replies with the same smile and greeting to her—maybe a bit more forward than what she used to—but it feels different when she is used to hearing your greetings towards him as you stood beside her to pick the box up.

this week, it wasn’t even beomgyu who is at her front door.

heeseung stood at the door with the box as he took a glimpse in as best as he could, asking for your whereabouts and why you didn’t answer his texts. ryujin wants to tell him the truth—that you’ve begun your hermit arc as you stay in your room. but she knows how sophisticated your relationship is with him that she can’t bear to let out the truth, saying that you’re outside at that time. but then heeseung told her something.

“help me reach her. she’s been rescheduling all the appointments with both the doctor and doula without me knowing and canceling the ones that we have scheduled together.”

“the receptionist doesn’t tell you anything?” she asked.

“patient confidentiality. and haseul is also by her side cause she won’t tell me when is (y/n)’s appointment.”

ryujin thinks that, if you are not with a child right now, you might not even open the door to get your meal in and you might never even go out other than for your work and exam. it seems that you are preparing yourself to be the vessel for your babies so you can give birth to them healthily, eating and drinking for them, but not for you.

she knows just how sad you are by the way you are wailing with the sound of your guitar muffled in your room. she listens to your rendition of mitski songs from behind the walls that are still small enough to not annoy the neighbors on all sides. with the exam season nearly done as you are there to finish up your research project, it makes you not go out of your room at all unless it’s for the bathroom. nobody is ever asked to pick you up for appointments or work at the daycare because you will then arrive and go back to your room all by yourself.

it’s sad to see you like this. so ryujin hopes what minjeong is doing could help you.

the guitar wailing is still heard as chaeryeong and minjeong walk from the kitchen with the buckets of popcorn, a homemade burger just for you, and juices around them as they still promise to follow your diet—though not as strict as you. minjeong walks towards your room as chaeryeong reads the synopsis of the cd cover of tonight’s movie.

“hiya, (y/n). i know we have been so busy for the past two months or so,” ryujin listens to minjeong words after her knocking on your door killing the sound of the guitar from your room. “we’re having a movie night and it’s one of the japanese movies in your watchlist. you are very much welcome to watch with us.”

there’s a long, pregnant pause as minjeong says the last words, turning her head towards ryujin who gives her a tight-lip smile as she looks at the hallway from the end of the sofa. minjeong lets out her own small smile as she turns her head towards the living area to grab the cd from the table and crouches down to put it onto the player. ryujin glances at chaeryeong who gives her own solemn smile, whispering, “just by the look of the cover, i know we will be crying.”

just then, they heard the sound of a door opening. all of their eyes turn towards the entrance of the hallway to see you emerging. no words are spoken because all of them still want to give you space as you’re the one now reaching out to connect to them after their trials and tribulations.

chaeryeong pats the seat between herself and ryujin as you let out a chuckle, letting them see just how big your belly is getting for carrying your still ever-growing babies. ryujin gives you the burger plate as you give a warm yet solemn smile, making chaeryeong lean close to you as minjeong turns off the lights and lets chaeryeong press play.

the movie starts with a scene on a train. a green filter filled the screen as only the white noise from the moving train filled the room. a young girl and young boy sit across from each other, a large suitcase in between them. and the boy whose clothes are similar to the suitcase—tattered—clutches onto it so gently.

to say that the movie is profound is an understatement. it is filled with wholesome scenes of children—siblings—playing with each other. that is, before the realization hits all of you as they had to fend for themselves to live. but it definitely hits you hard as you lean against ryujin’s shoulder, her hands in fist because of how furious she is while watching everything is going badly for the children. while you, you are actually sobbing. maybe because you have a profound relationship with children, and are a future mom yourself, your emotions exploded as you felt the despair, happiness, and rage all throughout.

it definitely is cathartic to you because you have been burying your feelings back. to see the children being abandoned is hurting you because you have seen children like them firsthand when you are volunteering in your second year. you definitely are mad at yourself for putting nobody knows in your watchlist, but you can now say that you’re grateful for minjeong to remember it because it is definitely the cathartic release you need after burying so many emotions at the same time.

as the credit rolls, you can feel the way your babies are moving inside of you. as if to remind you to at least, please, don’t abandon them.

the waterfall of tears as you sob caught the attention of your friends, who are also in various levels of tearing up in the eyes to full-on bawling with rage. you can only let out a small smile as you hear minjeong sniffle before standing up, making you open your arms to let her into your embrace. you can sense actual warmth for the first time in a while as it shields you from the cold, literally and figuratively. more arms come to wrap around you as you felt both ryujin and chaeryeong’s faces beside your ears. to know that they understand it hits you more because you are with a child.

maybe, there is still warmth in life than what you expected. after contemplating so much about the actions that you’ve done—ranging from the earliest memories of when you and heeseung were young to the way beomgyu broke your cracked heart into pieces when you confessed—you realized that you are selfish. that you haven’t got the ability to step back and take in everything and to find your priorities, because now with babies growing inside of you, your priorities are changing as you start to love them more and more.

the pettiness that you and heeseung have for each other really shielded you from what heeseung truly is: a good man. a man who cares for others. a man who is willing to trust you, even with the amount of history you both have. how he also has his own priorities and needs, but he decided to give them to you—well, your babies. sure, he’s not perfect. his anger making him say something that is so out of line in your relationship. but you understand where he is coming from. you understand the amount of jealousy seeping through when the doula gives you instruction yet he is just there, doing nothing other than being reminded to always have a good communication line with you.

maybe, it is the time for change. because if you can allow yourself to have his children, you should also allow yourself to let him into your life.

so that your children will not be abandoned by both of their parents.

-

to learn that his mom is so excited is an understatement. to know that both his and your moms have been planning for your joint gender reveal and baby shower—because of your busy schedules—is like seeing them being kids once again.

heeseung looks to the backyard of his house, the venue of the event, which is filled with more neutral earthy color from the theme that they asked you about. he didn’t chime in because he is busy—but he also wants to at least forget the way genuine hurt show up on his face when he called you a slut. to then lose contact with you for the past month as he is frustrated. yet again, you were the one blocking him from the information he has the right to know. and with the way you try to avoid him as much as possible on campus, you are now entering your third trimester, the end of the year is near, and both of your families believe that you both are together, all of those complexities are swirling in his head as he has to try his best to face one by one.

“heeseung!” he heard his dad speak loudly from outside the room, “the guests are here, come greet them. it’s your party to host.”

“coming.” he took one last look at his outfit, a simple creme-colored shirt tucked into his black jeans, as he walked outside of the door towards the living area and the backyard when he caught the appearance of the table with shiny bracelets and flower-charmed bracelets: a jewel for a boy and a flower for a girl. he could see that some of his boys were there, picking between two types of bracelets so they could guess what are the genders of both of his babies.

“come on! the idea of heeseung hyung having two boys will be scary.” jake says towards jay who picked up gold and silver bracelets, respectively.

“but it’s plausible…”

“so is hyung having two girls, right?” jake replied as heeseung looked down to find the different color flower-charmed bracelets in his hand. the other guys are also talking to each other as sunoo was the one who approached him first.

“hey, heeseung hyung. how are you feeling?” the kind boy asked as he could feel his emotion lighten up when seeing the younger boy’s eye smile.

“oh… you know, a bit nervous actually.” heeseung chuckled as he looked at the boy’s wrist, seeing both kinds of bracelets on each of his hands.

“i’m team ‘heeseung hyung is boy-girl dad’ and the guys don’t believe me actually.” sunoo replied, seeing sunghoon turning to him and saying, “that’s cause it’s rarer, sunoo-yah.”

“i know,” said boy replied as heeseung chuckled, looking towards another table that is full of gifts often found in baby showers. since nobody knew of the genders of his babies, he saw all different types of clothing of all colors there, a few baby diapers, and essentials that would be helpful to stock at home. most of them are gender neutral but he sees a few of specific gender ones he has to think to give away if his pair of kids will be only gender specifically–or he could hold on to it so that he can make them dress neutrally.

“we didn’t give much other than two sets of baby clothing. broke college students, after all.” sunoo speaks as if to explain the situation he recognized so much.

“that’s definitely enough, sun.” heeseung chuckled as he patted sunoo’s shoulder. that’s when he heard the commotion from inside the living area from behind the glass doors, the room where his mom is with his extended family and a few mutual friends of his. he looked through it to watch a crowd coming inside; what looked to be your side of the people—your friends from college like yunjin and kazuha, your roommates of course plus sungchan who is bringing eunseok too, to what it seemed like your extended family before he sees you coming in: taking his breath away.

you are bigger than the last time he saw you. you are also wearing a color similar to his, but in a midi dress style, and he sees his mom hugging you before holding onto your belly. he let his eyes watch you comfortably as you looked around the familiar and unfamiliar faces before you connected your own sight with his.

heeseung thought you had almost forgotten the fake dating aspect of this whole fiasco you are in with him. but when you open the sliding door and in a one-way direction towards him, he lets himself being embraced by you as his hands automatically move to wrap around you. he couldn’t lean in closer because of your pronounced baby bump, but you moved back a little to look at him. a smile on your face as he sees you seemed to be more at ease, maybe because of your classes being finished and such, but you are on a completely different side of the spectrum because he is here, still struggling to juggle all the things.

“you okay?” you are the one that asked as you gaze at heeseung’s unreadable expression, making you chuckle as you can’t help the influence you have on him, but also the influence he has on you as you could pick up your heart beating faster.

“yeah…” he replied, making you lean in.

“follow my lead 'cause your mom literally introduced me as your girlfriend. unless you get a grip to know what it implies, hee,” you whispered as his eyes changed, his hand now traced down to your lower back as he stayed by your side.

acting with himself is something so easy for him. after all, he has to act while in front of your parents when he is facing you, which he has done since he knows how. but, now, acting with you seems so natural. too natural, actually. how you’re bringing him around as he introduced yourself to your aunt and your now first-grader cousin—"that’s the kid that i babysit for the first time" you added—and the way you acted like nothing happened for the past month stuns him so much.

the way your facial expression moves along as you and his friends seem to be low-key teasing both of you—he caught a glimpse of jimin recording him being dragged by you past the crowd on video—just seemed so much more than acting. but you are acting, correct?

well, that was when you caught onto beomgyu’s gaze that he could see your expression chipping away; when you returned him with only a small smile before pivoting towards heeseung as he could see your nose crunching while smiling. with that, lee heeseung actually kind of regrets by telling that to you. he kind of regrets that he hurt you.

the festivity was very modest to say the least, especially since both of your parents are the ones paying cause they’re just too happy to have grandchildren with each other. the pile of baby items is stacking up as more people are picking their guesses. all the party needs is the arrival of your coworker and it’s done.

when said coworker arrives with what looks to be a bag of crowns: a pair of faux gold crowns and a pair of flower crowns. he looks towards you who is smiling before biting your lips as you approach her and give her a hug, bringing her to him.

“this is yoonah from the daycare, well technically, she’s my boss,” you spoke, introducing the woman who is older by a few years.

“and this is heeseung, the baby daddy.” yoonah pulls out her hand as heeseung shakes it, pain surging through his hand as the grip on it is so hard.

“listen to me, heeseung. if you ever hurt her again, i swear to any kind of god out there that i will hurt you first.” yoonah said with gritted teeth and menacing eyes before pulling back, making heeseung’s doe-like eyes turns towards you who was giving him a shrug as you tell your mom on the main event.

“gather around, friends and family. the main event is going to start!” she said so giddily as his mom brought both of you to the other side of the backyard, facing towards the house where the people you invited were in front of both of you.

“thank you so much for everyone for coming to the baby shower/gender reveal combo for (y/n) and heeseung’s babies.” yoonah hosted with both poise and excitement in her voice—no wonder that she also works in a daycare. “i have here two pairs of crowns that will show the genders of both babies, which i know since (y/n) asked me to be with her for her latest appointment. i will put the corresponding crown on the two parents’ heads.”

heeseung can see the crowd gleaming at the thought of seeing both you and heeseung wearing the corresponding crowns according to their guesses. he glances at his boys who are sporting all the flower-charmed bracelets; except for jeongin, who has one silver bracelet and one flower bracelet on his wrist. and then to your girls who are sporting mostly both kinds of bracelets except for ryujin who wears two gold bracelets.

“(y/n), heeseung, please close your eyes and take a bow,” yoonah said as he turned to you, who gave him a subtle nod. your hand reaches to grab his as you both face forward and he closes his eyes before bowing his head forward.

all he could feel was the way the cold breeze blew against his skin and how his grip on yours tightened as he could feel something on his head, making the sound of the crowd growing before the grass ruffles in front of him to where you at as the crowd lets out a huge ovation. he can hear his friends’ laughter when he picks up yoonah saying, “you both can open your eyes.”

lifting his eyelids, he lets the shiny view come in as he turns towards you, seeing the shock on your face as he gazes at you wearing a golden crown. he grabs onto his own crown as he touches the petals of flowers on it, picking yours up also to show you what’s on your head. you can’t help but step towards him, taking in a big embrace that heeseung reciprocates as he sees both crowns on his hands behind you.

a boy and a girl.

heeseung was actually speechless when he retreated, letting you take the flower crown before placing it on his head, scrapping around his hair so that it looks better as he lets the gold crown glide on top of your hair where he puts it.

he could see the way his friends crumble and glee in excitement because of the revelation. sunoo’s cackling comes from the basketball guys and it combines with jeongin’s who is also recorded jimin and beomgyu, jokingly weeping because they’re wrong. your friends are also teasing ryujin for picking the wrong combination as heeseung rests his hand on your back.

“ok, sorry, one last thing everyone.” your mom interrupts the total chaos of emotions being spilled before turning towards you two. “i know that we have the gender reveal and baby shower together and we have so many outfits and items that will be useful for you to raise both of your babies. but you might be asking ‘where are we going to put this?’ well…”

your mom opens her arm so that his mom comes into her hold. the grin that they are trying to say signals that they're now fully loaded for something.

“we don’t want you two lovebirds being apart while raising babies. well… let’s just say that your parents and (y/n)’s parents have paid the down payment on a new apartment…”

heeseung actually reacted the same way as you, jaw dropped, eyebrows scrunched as you and he turned your heads at the same to face each other. you mouthed a ‘what the fuck’ towards him as he shakes his head, saying to you he also don’t know shit about this.

you and he are going to live together.

he could actually read your face this time, the face that he has already recognized for a long time—the face of when you want to refute. but, with the way your eyes seemed to crease as the rest of the bafflement poured out, you realize you couldn’t refute back to them unlike how you do to him. your eyes, though with the same sparkle in them as he sees you throughout the day, seemed to tell a different story. a story that he also seems to recognize.

that’s what he thinks as he says the goodbyes to the guests departing, leaving only your family, his roommates, and your roommates behind as they all gather to help clean up the props and bring the stuff inside. heeseung carried the last of the two baby carry-ons for the car inside the house as it is stacked by the garage door so he could pack them up and carry them to your new shared apartment.

“i swear, gang. i don’t know shit about, fuck, this,” he says as he walks back and forth to the two groups sitting in his proximity.

“also, ‘lovebirds’? the last time i met you, i don’t think (y/n) is dating you.” ryujin called back to what his mom said. but she still understood it was the message you and he sent when you were walking around together to greet the guests.

“well, we imply to them we are together to let them know of our situation so that’s where that actually came from…” heeseung replied when he caught beomgyu who was looking at ryujin’s curious and furious combo face as he could feel the awkwardness of the moment is. since the last time you left his room, he never hangs with your roommates anymore, nor did they come to his apartment to play. sure, he has met all three of them as he became the one to give the box full of ingredients, but the situation is so awkward that after he asks for your well-being and is given the answer, he instantly speed walks to the elevator because it triggers him so much.

he really realized just how interconnected you are to everybody. he can see with the way beomgyu arrived home on the same day you left from him—whom you presumably talked to—and discover how his usually giddy face now has a small stain of sadness in it before going back to ignorance. how jimin never heard of chaeryeong again as she is working with her main crew on a routine whilst jimin is focusing on creating a choreography. all because he wants you to explain from your side.

to heeseung, he had let the things that created a plaque in his heart alone by themselves: seeing you being too selfish of your own self that you couldn’t find any priorities for even your babies and how he said it to you seemed to besmirch him more. yet, he also takes to the heart what you say on the basketball court: that he is miles ahead in front of you and how tired it is staying in the rivalry. that there is a side of him capable of competing, yet he pours it into your petty rivalry. he has already implemented the side of him you were talking about on his day-to-day after it, mostly during basketball, as he seemed to be some sort of assistant coach to coach min as he helped with training the junior players. he sure hopes that you get what he meant on why he asked for you two to talk after every factor created changed him in a way.

because he cares for you.

“the boys are staying with me,” beomgyu said as he stood up along with the others while the girls also stood up, presumably to stay the night with ryujin because she is also from here—alongside heeseung, beomgyu, and you. heeseung brought them out of the front door as they went their separate ways, closing the door as he walked deeper into the house.

he heard the sound of the sink running when he found his mom cleaning the utensils. your mom is packing up the leftovers as the sound brings him towards the kitchen.

“hey, bambi.” his mom greets him as heeseung lets out a small smile. your mom opening her arm so he could come into the conversation that is now being talked about.

“i sure do hope that you and (y/n) like the apartment we picked. it’s a two-bedroom one, but it is big enough because i know you have your exercise equipment and that gaming pc of yours that you will have to reassemble,” his mom said from behind him as he stared at the leftover food on top of the kitchen island, standing beside your mom.

“that’s more than enough, mom. thank you.”

“you gotta have to say thank you to auntie as well. she helped to pick the location so that it is pretty close to your campus and your friends.” his mom told him as he took a peek to see your mom, catching onto the similarities both of you have.

“we have the rent up for a year so we can give you freedom if you wanna move away from it after it is done.” your mom continued to talk as heeseung nodded. his head turned downwards as he tried to pick out the right words to say. instead, he literally blurted out something that came out first from his mind.

“(y/n) and i don’t get along with each other.”

he stares at the two women who turn their heads to face each other. both of them sharing a look before your mom replied, “we know.”

“well… both of you used to get in trouble with each other a lot at school that it makes us realize that you both don’t get along with each other.” his mom added, making heeseung’s face return to the shocked face as he can’t help but laughs. why would he and you hide it if they already know? oh, young minds…

“i, i, okay…” his stammers died down as he couldn’t help but bite his lips, “then why i do seem to care for her so much?”

he’s able to hear his mom chuckle as she turns the water tap off before standing on the other side of his figure, seeing how he is taller than both moms who are looking at him so expectantly.

“the line between love and hate is so thin it’s actually near existence.” his mom said first, “and don’t worry about that, the rivalry doesn’t actually start with you.”

“what?” he retorted as he watched the two women communicating through a glance shared between them.

“your mom and i are actually rivals in our school basketball athlete days.” your mom said, “we used to trash talk so much at each other that our teacher had the smart plan for us to do something for detention together.”

“cleaning out that forsaken storage filing room.” his mom cuts in as she helps to collect the leftovers and grab the plates they were on so she could wash them.

“arranging them up and all. good thing during your time now you have online databases because, i swear, those teachers just blatantly putting the documents down so that they can make a student clean it up somehow as punishment.” your mom adds as his mom just laughs about it, thinking of said memory as heeseung could picture a large dim room full of shelves with stacks of papers on them—not arranged into a certain manner at all.

“but it works. after that, we became closer and we don’t see each other as rivals, but as equals.” the tap is turned off as his mom’s words go back to his ears, “and we become the best friends you now see us as.”

heeseung can’t hold back his laugh as he imagines his mom being in the same position as he is during school—cursing your mom’s ears off or even tugging the ball from each other to show who is the better player. but to know that they resolute it so fast makes him feel shame for actually allowing such rivalry to grow for more than a decade. it’s because you and him don’t see eye to eye, but sometimes you do. it’s because of the ambition you both have to also be like your parents. but growing up changed that. there are many ways to resolve such rivalry, yet he chooses the having-a-baby-together-route; the extreme challenge mode out of all.

“since you stayed at our house, (y/n) is now staying in your room for the night, heeseung.” your mom said as she gathered the leftovers, which were divided into two for each household. “also the apartment already has a bed complete with the frame and mattress and a wardrobe big enough for both of you. so you can move in if you want by tomorrow as you gather your items from your rooms at each of your apartments.”

“alright, thanks for telling me,” he said before your mom jumped with realization one last time, picking up the white envelope that he remembered yoonah brought.

“this is from the last doctor’s appointment (y/n) went to with yoonah. she knows you will ask her for your own copies.”

the word “third trimester” is spelled out on the front as heeseung pulls out the content. a few ultrasound pictures grace his vision as he gazes at the visual of his babies inside of you, the word markings at the top now assigned them as baby a and baby b grazing his touch as he sees one of them each in their own scan and both of them together by their heads. he felt someone standing behind him and a finger pointing something out in one picture of the individual baby.

“you can see baby a has a nub protruding. that’s the penis, so he’s the boy.” his mom has spoken, making him let out a small “wow” before seeing that baby b has no nub. she’s the girl.

“well, all the leftovers are split up, so i think we’re going to get going. we don’t want the husbands to smoke one more stick of cigarette.” your mom says as his mom laughs in reply.

heeseung adds after tucking the pictures in the envelop, “i also want to go to bed.”

“you absolutely should. you have to pack the baby shower gifts and bring it to your new apartment in the morning. or let it stay in your trunk until you move it in. you’ve done so well as a host,” his mom responded as he nodded, saying his last “good night” before retiring to his room.

his nightlight on the bedside table is on when he gently opens the door, he looks at the silhouette of you lying down on your side facing away from him. a duffle bag stands in front of his wardrobe which he presumes is filled with your clothes as he can identify you wearing a headset while the light of your phone shines your face. for him, it’s the correct time to freshen up as he had to come to terms that you will stay in the same bed as him—because he couldn’t bear himself to push you off his bed especially with you being in the third trimester, where he has learned from haseul is when your back pain is at its worst.

drying the droplets of water and tucking his sleeping outfit on, he walks back into the dim room to find your headset and phone on the bedside table. you have moved to sleep with your left side up; the only space for him is on the right of the bed beside his desk. though the weather outside is cold, the heater is still on as the heat exudes out to balance the temperature. he walks towards the empty bedside when he can’t help to make out the sound that is so much more noticeable in the quiet air’s white noise.

the sound of sobbing.

heeseung sits down on the bed, his back facing you while he looks one last time at his phone before putting it away when he hears you talk.

“do you know about beomgyu liking ryujin when we talked a month ago?”

his head turns to the side, taking a glimpse behind his shoulder. he can see the fragment of your expression in the darkness, making him want to make his eyes adapt to it faster.

“ever since high school, (y/n).” he acknowledged. of course, he knows. he had seen that lovey-dovey look every time he and beomgyu moved past you and ryujin in the hallway. he still has it—the subtle version of it—when his gang hangs out with yours. to be that naïve wasn’t heeseung’s forte, but he does realize just how naïve you could be.

“and is that why you commented on my crush on him? because you know that i’ll be hurting at the end?”

heeseung let out a small hum as he pushed himself off the floor and looked to the front, extending his legs as he sensed the similar, albeit lighter, pain from walking around and standing up too much as he let his legs stretch out to make him relax and let the blood flow clearly. you chuckled as he helped to pull the comforter on his childhood bed on top of him and your figure. if he could communicate with his younger self that he has you in his room and in his bed, he could see young heeseung strangling him, complaining to his older self about why he allowed that person to even be in his room.

he sees movement from your end when he lets himself lay down on the mattress. your hand brushing against your face as he turns his head towards you.

“well… you won, lee heeseung.”

your words caught his attention as he let his head be on the same level as you, shifting so he could finally see your face clearly with the nightlight still on. you have another pillow wedge between your legs, something he knows can make you feel more comfortable as he had also learned about pregnant woman’s sleeping positions. yet, your face tells him and the world that you aren’t 100% comfortable.

“i went to him, wanting to make what i felt come true because i truly, truly thought that he felt the same way. then bam! another gutter punch to me and that’s a freaking k.o,” you informed him, letting him experience the rest of the day from your view as, at that time, he was wallowing in disappointment and shame for using a wrong word to describe what you are doing with his friends.

“that fucking broke me. and i still remain in that belief even with the catharsis of watching a japanese movie about child abandonment makes me fracture and heal myself at the same time. now, with our parents renting us an apartment…” he could hear the pitch of your voice rising alongside how many words you had spoken. heeseung turned his whole body to face you, making you exhale and inhale, “i think it’s going so fast. too fast, i mean.”

your breathing makes you a bit hyperventilating as you want to turn some other way from him because you can’t bear to see his doe-like eyes staring at you with concern. you try your best to calm down, looking at the slam dunk poster on one of his walls while blinking your eyes to get rid of the glistening eyes. that’s when you sensed a hand on your cheek. heeseung’s hand reached out as you let his fingertip graze near your eyes, wiping away the single tear that came out after enough of them accumulated on the corner of your eye.

“you don’t think i’m not also scared? that my life is also going too fast?” he asked in such a warm tone. “you think that i’m not also broken? with how you and the world had shown me so much knowledge i have to expect to understand quickly, it also broke me. i can see what a positive influence you have over our friendship as a group and with you being idle for the past month, it has affected everyone. it affects beomgyu too, you know?”

you push your lips to one side, feeling your cheeks getting warm as you frown while taking in the words he had meant. that even if you confess just how much you have lost in this eternal battle with him; for the first time, he confesses he is the same.

that you are now equal to him.

“i don’t know. i retreated to being an egotistic antisocial while thinking about all of that. i’m glad you’re not like me then.” heeseung giggles as he overhears you uttering such a depressing sentence. but he continues to caress your face as he tugs himself closer to you, sensing his bent knees touching your own and the pillow that is wedged between the legs. he is the one to lean in first.

the kiss feels all too familiar now, the same as the one you had while conceiving your babies, the same as the one at the basketball court. but months have passed since those two moments, yet it only becomes richer as it goes. your hand lifts to grab his luscious locks and cradle it so you can bring him closer, tilting your head as you feel his breath right against your philtrum. yet, when you let go to take a breather, he leans in closer to connect your foreheads, lips right in front of each other’s—hovering so close that no one could able to steal each other away from the moment.

“you have me, (l/n)(y/n). we can heal together, if you want, of course. or else, i just take care of myself better an-“

you playfully roll your eyes as you meet his lips once again, feeling both of your pairs already knowing the right ways to satisfy both of your needs to sense each other. you nodded your head—hoping he felt it too—even with your lips on his. and he seemed so as he traced his hand down to your side.

“let’s heal together,” you answered, breaking the string of saliva that connected both of you as you grabbed heeseung’s hand on your body to let him touch your bump. sure, you are used to them kicking inside you now. but, heeseung never felt them when you discover them during your hermit days. to see just how the sparkles in his bambi eyes increased when you could feel one of them kicking to your uterus wall so hard, you let out a chuckle as he let you move his hand and press down to sense the movement inside you.

“i have to be angry at you because both of your babies are kickers. it triggers me to vomit just how much they kick me.”

“sorry for that!” he takes responsibility with a grin as you let his hand go, letting him have the free rein to press up against your womb where your babies are in.

“also, you’re going back with me to campus tomorrow. should i just bring you back to your apartment? the parents expect us to set up the place with the baby shower gifts.” heeseung asked as you let his hand roam to press against the bump. at the same time, it was your turn to caress his cheek, feeling how he wanted to stay in your touch when he unconsciously leaned in, but his head seemed to be too heavy to lift from the exhausting day that is today.

moving in with him is going to be hard. other than the knowledge that you learned about him which you can take advantage of, you don’t know who heeseung is as told by himself; only from his friends and parents. but with the more contact you both have with each other during this phase of both of your lives, you can tell that he is decent. you can already figure out how to rearrange the domestic chores you and him have to share. and to learn that the apartment is semi-furnished with the kitchen, bathroom, and main bedroom in place, you could actually go and live with him as fast as possible.

you’ve made up your mind.

“you know what? you don’t have to bring me back to my apartment.”

“hmm?” he questioned, lifting his eyebrows.

“i’ll help you unpack the baby shower gifts at our apartment.”

-

4. mended broken hearts

“thank you so much!” heeseung spoke with a sense of gladness as he took a last glimpse at the crane beside the balcony, watching it being retreated down to the truck that is part of the moving truck ensemble for his apartment. the officers there were so helpful as they didn’t mind being moved around between three different apartments since the morning. the machinery always fascinated heeseung as it’s not the same when it comes to houses. to use a crane to help move boxes easier at the same time is stunning heeseung; because he didn’t get the same luxury when he moved into the boys’ apartment. that’s when you told him that that kind of service actually exist too.

turning around inside his still blank living room, heeseung scans boxes upon boxes of his and your stuff, some are inside suitcases—which is mostly clothes—and boxes are filled with stationary and other items you both owned. the kitchen where the island counters are and a few sturdy boxes you both haven’t unpacked become your dining area as—other than the bed frame, mattress, and wardrobe both your parents have bought alongside the apartment rent—they want you two to decorate the apartment to your heart's content. that means buying pieces of furniture and assembling them yourselves.

heeseung still remembers how his dad arrived to tell him the different tools in the toolbox that he gave him as they both assembled a few pieces themselves. you stood on the side, sometimes helping with bolting something with a screwdriver in your overall get-up that he seemed to not get enough of. with your shelves done for the living area, you both focused on the babies’ room rather than your own room first. knowing how to assemble things now, you both choose the cribs, changing station, and cabinets for your both of your babies’ needs. viewing the room in the default look without more color is enough because you don’t know if the landlord allowed for any modifications of the apartment. so you both waited for customizations when you decided on a much more permanent residence after you graduated.

but, overall, the way you and him work together in creating a liveable place for yourselves for the next year is something to be proud of. how you and he bounce each other’s thoughts as you think of using the boxes of the new furniture bought to your advantage, making a makeshift cabinet you can put the unnecessary stuff you have while you allow heeseung to buy a desk for his gaming pc setup and some stools in making the kitchen island your permanent dining table. none of you are thinking about buying tvs or sofas, so a few beanbags and a futon is enough with a mini projector that can be useful for projecting the movies or shows you want to watch.

it’s admirable honestly, just with how open you are with each other after having such an emotionally charged seven months along with years upon years of bad blood to see you and heeseung actually working together and not complaining much about it. your friends even tease that maybe bodysnatchers caught both of you and you both are some alien species who don’t know the complex history of the humans they’ve abducted. yet, you both beat the allegations when you still have fits against each other in front of your friends. though in your domestic life, you try to dim it down by doing the relationship exercise haseul has taught you. twice a week, just you and heeseung sitting across from each other on your bed, holding hands, and looking at each other—building that connection.

heeseung placed the aptly label pc box on top of the desk he had assembled yesterday after he and the moving worker helped in organizing which boxes were yours and his. two beanbags are sitting by the front door as he will wait for you to discuss how to rearrange them for both of your liking. the boxes create some sort of half-wall maze he has to navigate to find your shared bedroom, the babies’ room, and the bathroom where some of your dirty laundries are piled he has to remember to bring it to the laundromat. he remembered that you have your own ironing kit so that you don’t have to pay more to iron out the creases of your clothes. he had already talked to the landlord about how to connect to the internet as he has his own router that he just needs to connect. and voila, a living place enough until the next year as you both awaited your graduation and your babies.

the sound of a muffled ringtone rings from another room as he walks towards his bedroom, seeing the tall box from the crib becoming your bedroom table as it rattles against the material. he looked at the screen to see the alarm reminding him of what you told him. picking the phone and some necessary items up, he left the apartment to go to his car in the basement, turning the engine on as he left the building.

the road is empty enough for him to arrive early to the daycare—even earlier than the guardians of the children who are finishing their day so they could pick their kids up. heeseung turns the car off as he stares at the entrance because you’ll probably be far from being done, yet something in his mind tells you to just wait inside rather than be left in the cold in the car; also to save the gas. locking the car with the remote key, he walked towards the daycare as he stared at the trees around that were shedding their leaves in the mid to end of december date it is currently in.

he hears a twinkling jingle when he steps inside the heated lobby area of the receptionist area, seeing it empty as he could observe the walls of the various playrooms that are there; all of them leading towards the outdoor playground that seemed to be closed out because of the snow falling a few days before. heeseung sees the children doing their various activities, some are playing around by drawing and some are playing with dolls and figures while an attendant takes care of each area. that’s when he saw you, sitting cross-legged in another overall outfit as he could see the large bump you’re sporting whilst sitting, reading what is supposed to be a children’s book for your audience of 4 to 6-year-olds—though you also have the experience of taking care of younger when you told him of your babysitting experience.

your eyes gaze between the writing of the book and your audience of children intrigued by what you are saying. your free hands move animately whilst describing what you are reading, making a few kids holding onto their plush or blankets so hard as they imagine what you’ve said. every time he sees you like this, he can’t help but be enamored like you. like you are a goddess of storytelling and your stories capture people’s attention in such the right way that it influences them too. why did he think about that? because he had seen it. he had seen his friends being influenced by it, and he had felt it himself.

your gaze breaks between the two planes of existence towards the window where heeseung is standing behind, making him chuckle as he sees you startled. eventually making some kids turn around to look at him. he can read the changes in your face as you realize the time, looking at the other areas, before pushing your hand as you point to where you at, mouthing,

“you want to come in?”

“right now?” he also expresses as you read his mouth and answer by nodding. he slowly tugged his shoes off and put them beside the shelf where the employee’s slippers were as he pushed the door open after turning the handle. softly—from the little pairs of eyes looking at him—he settles down beside you as some kids are looking at him with differing emotions, some with admiration, some with jealousy, some with timidness; especially because of how much of a giant his own body is compared to them. that is before one boy spoke up,

“miss (y/n), is that your king?” he says, making you puff out laughter as heeseung’s eyes widen before looking at you. with the way the other children seem to realize what the boy implies, he realizes you have told them something before about that.

“i think you’re right, woonhak oppa.” a girl said before she reached her hand out, “queen (y/n) is going to have her babies soon.”

“okay, kids. hyunseo…” you gaze at the kid who is giving you a cute eye smile. you know just how brutal it is for kids to tease you about your relationship; even kids are having a more dramatic love life than you are here. but with heeseung here, after they believe you don’t have your own king or queen, you understand just how confused they’ve become.

glancing toward him, you open your hand and whisper, “the floor is yours.”

he gazes at the kids before letting out his signature charismatic smirk, “well, you are correct, woonhak and hyunseo.” the two names mentioned now have sparkles in their eyes. “i’m queen (y/n)’s king. my name is heeseung.”

“heeddeung?” you listen to hyein trying to pronounce the name, making you chuckle.

“it’s heeseung, hyein. with a sssseu…” you tried to help her pronounce the s sound in heeseung’s name as the kids were now singing the chorus of heeseung’s name, making him giggle.

“you’re so cool, mister.” another boy spoke out as heeseung seemed to be taken aback, doing some theatrics with his expressions before bowing down and saying a “thank you”.

“then, you have been lying to us, miss (y/n)?” rami’s question makes your eyebrows crunch as you don’t know how to word out your complicated relationship in simple words.

“king heeseung has been here the whole time, actually.” you lean forward with your hand covering one side of your mouth so that heeseung can’t see, “but i hide him so that his awesomeness doesn’t compete with mine,” you said yet still with your normal volume, making heeseung snicker before he tried to remove your hand. the children nod their heads as they’ve been in on a little secret of yours.

“both miss (y/n) and mister heeseung are awesome.” you heard a girl said at the back, making you let out a thumbs up before you saw the boy beside her refute her answers; making them bicker about who was more awesome between the two of you. you exhale such a big breath as you shift your head to face him when he sees you with a look of horror—him realizing just how loud children do when bickering with each other. you stretch your arm upwards before slowly scooting yourself towards heeseung and place your head on his shoulder, making you pick up his giggle as he brought his hand behind you to stabilize your gravitational pull because of the weight.

“let’s hope that our babies are not gonna argue like that when they can talk.” heeseung mumbled, making you glance at him.

“arguing like us too, you mean?” you nudged his rib, finally knowing his opinion on the topic you voiced out months before. “i know you’ve felt tired of that like i am.”

heeseung hums before he sees a boy raising his hand toward you two, making you say a "yes" as yujin asked you an unexpected question.

“since queen (y/n) has king heeseung and they have the baby on the way…”

“oh no…” he caught your mumble.

“where does the baby come from between the two of you?”

if heeseung’s horror gaze doesn’t turn into dread, he must be sick or something because you even have a similar look showing on your face before it went away a few seconds later. that’s when you heard your own alarm from your phone ringing; making the kids let out such a chorus of disappointment because they have to go home.

“your family can definitely help you answer that, kids. let’s prepare your belongings so you can go home, okay?”

“okay!” they said in their various voices as heeseung sighed so large, avoiding such a lightning bolt because if you couldn’t answer it, then how could he do that? of course, he doesn’t want to imprint the idea of copulation on them at such a young age. and he is glad as the bell saved him.

heeseung helps to stand you up and you walk towards the lockers for the kids before glancing outside to see the familiar faces of their guardians picking them up. he even helped with a few of them before he felt a tug on his shoulders when crouching down. turning around, he sees the same girl that had pronounced his name wrong giving him a paper. he remembers the girl has a few sheets of paper and crayons when she is there with the crowd, hearing your stories.

“for you, mister heeseung…”

he sees the picture of a simple drawing of three figures: a smaller triangle with a circle and smile and hair, a larger one with the same as the little figure with a crown on her head, and beside it, a stickman with a black rectangle filled and the same circle as a head with face and another crown. the color of their triangles corresponds to the girl’s purple outfit and your own light blue denim.

the girl, you, and himself.

“thank you, uhh…”

“hyein.” she smiled.

“thank you, hyein.” he replied correctly before turning around as he saw her retreating body to you who was holding her purple backpack strap, giving him a knowing look before you focused on hyein as he stared at the drawing in his hand.

after you send the kids to their respective guardians with coats that appear so big on them as they have to traverse the cold weather, you say goodbye to yoonah and your other coworker; seeing her nodding her head at heeseung who is picking you up as she mentioned, “you almost forgot to send me the complete research so i can give it to sohee in marketing.”

“will do it right away,” you said as you tugged your puffer coat, said your goodbye to her, and entered the warmth and comfort of heeseung’s car.

after sending yoonah the file of your final research work that could help with helping in promoting the daycare, you lean back on the seat as you let heeseung’s r&b-based playlist flow through the speakers.

“what are we having for dinner?”

“what are you craving?” he asked before turning to you, who had a smile on your face. he already knows what it is.

“what’s with you and jjampong?”

“gochujang is my craving now and jjampong, being the soup food it is, helps with making my insides warm from this cold weather.” you hummed, thinking just how satisfying to consume jjampong again for the past three days. well, what gives. it is what you are craving.

“yet, you don’t want kimchi jjigae? they’re similar.”

“but jjampong has seafood, heeseung. plus jjigae is too thick and it’ll feel weird on my tongue.”

heeseung could only sigh as he smiled to himself, knowing that he had to call the chinese food delivery when you arrived at the basement of your apartment building.

a shower and the clean empty bowl of chinese foods you and him bought later, you and him are doing your nearly-regular routine of sitting and staring at each other. because it is nighttime, you let your lamp light the room in its own dim brightness as you see it being reflected in heeseung’s eyes.

when you smile, he follows. when he moves his lips a certain way, you follow as best as you can. but you can feel how both of your pulses are syncing up from you both holding your hands. thoughts are running in your mind about him, mostly the ones you have an obvious answer to. but there is one that is stuck that you just remember.

“why?”

“hmm?” he hummed, eyebrows lifted.

“why did beomgyu mention to me that he can’t be with me because of you?”

heeseung tries his best to not break eye contact even if he wants to, having the answer showing up clearly in his head because of the vulnerable stare he is in.

“did you tell him something, seung?”

but he just can’t say it, still holding it back even with the way you stare at him with such glistening eyes. your hormone seizing the wheel as you let go of your hand to wipe it before holding it again. he shakes his hand as you just let out a disappointment tight-lipped smile. but you didn’t expect heeseung to also ask,

“why didn’t you stop me that night?”

your eyebrows are lifted. that night has been a while and the last time you spoke of it is when you mentioned how you are pregnant with his child. sure, why didn’t you stop him? why didn’t you stop yourself? you are also wondering that.

and because of that, you lean forward as your lips meet heeseung’s. the kiss is so light yet loving. and even that, it’s enough to answer the question for your own self. well, it’s now his turn to think…

“why didn’t you stop me just now?” you questioned back.

near the end of the 5-minute-ritual, heeseung finally understands why he didn’t stop himself today and why didn’t he stop himself and you that night.

-

the end of the year is today and here you are, tucking yourself in one of your flowy maternity dresses as you pull the straps up so you can put your hands through the sleeve and tug the dress so it adjusts to your own liking. your makeup has been sitting on your face for five minutes now as heeseung is preparing himself in the bathroom. you tie the strap of the back of the dress as best as you can when you can feel yourself stretching your back, making you groan at how satisfying the feeling is. the sun has already set outside as you clasp your small black-colored chain necklace at the front before rotating it behind your nape. you glance at how cute you look as you can’t help but take your own photo in the mirror that you brought from your old room that is leaning against the wall corner.

the door of the bedroom opens and you find heeseung in a white shirt and black trousers ensemble, “you ready?”

“i guess, can you check if the ribbon of my dress is straight?”

heeseung steps closer to you as you puff out the sleeve of your dress so that the seam can be placed correctly. a slight tug comes from behind you as you glance at heeseung repairing the ribbon of your dress. after it’s done, he leaves the ribbon as he looks up at you, who is staring at him from the mirror, a sheepish smile on his face as he glances at your phone in your hand.

“you want to take a picture of the occasion?” he asked, gently tucking his head on your shoulder.

“if you want to,” you reply as you catch him nod his head. his hands that are on your back move forward and rest on your large pregnant belly. you took a few pictures of the two of you—something that past you couldn’t see yourself in—as you put it on your instagram story and typed the caption, “night out (+ 2)”.

“you want me to tag you too?” you peek at heeseung, who has moved one of his hands to be in front of your clavicle, seeing the black necklace adorning your skin next to the rolled-up sleeve of his white shirt and the veins protruding on his forearm.

“of course,” he said as you typed in heeseung’s username and pressed send.

“we haven’t updated much of our instagram and i surely know that our old friends will be shocked to see us together.”

heeseung’s muffled laugh comes from behind your head as you follow, wiggling yourself out of his hold as you pick up your bag and strap it on across your body. you glance at the living room that still has boxes left but with the beanbags and projector set for your usual game night set up—courtesy of heeseung’s nintendo switch—as you see his rgb light inside his pc crate lighting the dim living room by the balcony. walking to the fridge, you open its door and pull out a flask of your own lemon-infused carbonated water so you can pretend to at least be drunk for the new year’s night. you feel your coat being hanged on your shoulders by heeseung as you tuck the flask inside your bag; slipping on a pair of ballet-style shoes as you both walk down to the lobby.

“you sure we don’t have to use a car? don’t want to make you too tired…”

“yeah, i’m sure. i gotta have to stretch my body to exercise, hee.”

you were glad that it hasn’t snowed for the past few days as the pavement is all dry and safe for you to walk. the apartment complexes are close enough to each other and you want to use that as an advantage to move your body so that it doesn’t lock and make you too stiff. your fingers are interlocked with heeseung’s as he allows you to guide him through the shortcuts on your way to your old apartment; where the new year’s eve party is at.

“one last reminder: you’re allowed to drink tonight. you deserve to have a break time,” you said as heeseung glanced at you.

“then, who’ll be taking care of you tonight?”

“i can take care of myself, you doofus,” you replied to him, “and i’m most certainly could take care of you too.”

you glanced up at the apartment you moved from as you greeted the security guard, who is still greeting you even if you’re not the tenant here anymore. bringing yourself to the elevator as you press the familiar button, your eyes stare at the changing numbers on the way to your floor as it opens when you both arrive. you could hear the muffled loud voice that you’re hoping would be alright—"it’s okay! the neighbors are away for new year’s eve so we can party all we want" minjeong reassured you—as you approached the familiar door and put in the keypad: they still didn’t change it.

the door opens as you pick up the speaker playing in your small get-together with your people. you can hear the shout of yours or heeseung’s names as you slowly pull your shoes off by the door that has already littered with so many shoes of other people. the get-together is only for the seniors in hybe uni who are linked to your friend circle and, not going to lie, you didn’t expect for it to still be this many.

you see chaeryeong approaching you as she tugs your coat off before hugging you, already knowing that she is tipsy just by looking at her.

“you’ve come back, mama,” she teases you as you hug her too while you can pick up jeongin’s voice greeting heeseung with their usual bro hug. ryujin comes in as she brings a bucket of popcorn to be given to the crowd gathering by the tv that is playing a playlist of kpop songs. minjeong and sungchan come to hug you together as you find eunseok and chenle behind you.

“i’m so sad that you can’t drink.” sungchan said as he gently touched your bump. “she’s carrying my niece and nephew, of course, i don’t want her to drink,” minjeong cuts her boyfriend off as you playfully pull out your flask, making them widening their eyes before you say, “it’s just lemon soda water. i’ll be okay.”

you let them move away as you glance at yunjin, who is now using your room after you moved. she seemed to scream when she saw you as you instantly hugged her, “look at you, mommy.”

“thanks, jen.” you replied, “how’s it been living here?”

“fun as fuck. i don’t care that i only have 6 months of uni to live here but anything i would do to allow boys in my room-“ you playfully nudge her forehead as the laughs between the two of you combine with the sound of the people talking in the apartment. the boys greet you now as jimin and jeongin let heeseung talk with keeho, jiung, and theo.

“how have you been with heeseung?” jeongin asked genuinely as he got cut off by jimin, “hopefully his snore doesn’t turn you off much-“

“aish. YA! don’t cut me off.” jeongin nudges him away as jimin shows his own grin towards you as you ponder.

“he does snore, but i’m getting numb to it-“

“i don’t snore, (l/n)(y/n).” heeseung shouted from the other side of the room.

“you do!” you heard yourself, jeongin, jimin, and somebody—somewhere in the apartment—replying. knowing the strength in power, you and jeongin giggled as you continued to catch up.

“who’s having heeseung’s room?” you questioned, making jeongin pull someone out of the conversation as you see the familiar face that makes you giggle.

“yoon jaehyuk?”

“hey, (y/n)!” he hugs you as you pull back, confusion on your face.

“i thought you were still rooming with asahi…”

“ahh… yeah… so he decided to do an internship back in japan and he’s not coming here often unless so that’s why i room with the boys. gotta have to thank seung again for telling me the vacancy,” he said as you saw him smirk. you nod your head as you allow yourself to be taken by the flow of the conversation. conversing with the likes of hyeju, yerim, wonjin, and hyunsuk, before you can feel yourself getting tired as you walk towards the sofa, seeing beomgyu being left alone with one plastic cup in his hand and the other on the remote control—as if he is the music man of the night—as you can see him changing the playlist to play a sing-along playlist for songs of 2000s emo alt-rock.

“can i sit here?” beomgyu lifts his head from your question. you want to ruffle his hair for it being too messy, but knowing the aftermath of your last duo interaction, it feels totally different.

“of course,” he replied as you sat on the space beside him. he seemed to notice just how messy his hair was as he moved it so you could notice his flushed face from the drinking.

“oh yeah, apologies. you can’t drink-“

“nah, i can.” you pulled the flask out as beomgyu widens his eyes. “lemon in soda water. so that i can feel the festivity alongside all of you.”

beomgyu lets out a sheepish smile as he nudges his cup out, “cheers?”

“cheers.” you meet the cup with your flask as you both drink from it, feeling yourself sigh as you thank yourself for finding such a safe remedy so that people know you can still “drink”. but when you retreat your thoughts back to beomgyu, you can still see a familiar tinge of sadness on his face.

“what happened?” you decide to throw away any leftover feelings just so you know he is alright. beomgyu scoffed as he wanted to answer.

“i confess to ryujin and guess who got denied?” he points his thumb toward himself and you can’t help but let out a pout. you can think of so many reasons why she rejected him, but you know she might be doing that because of you and your unresolved feelings for him—especially since you’ve learned she is sexually attracted to him because they hooked up.

“you gotta have to be patient with that. she’s a demiromantic, so you have to coax her into that part of the relationship. make her trust you enough.” you decide to lecture him. many people have been trying to get with ryujin even when you both are in high school, but because of terrible experiences, you understand how she realized who she is now. you were with her through thick and thin at that time and you know that if beomgyu is the one asking her out first, it’s definitely a legit attraction from his side because ryujin remained romantically single for her nearly 4 years of college life.

“and i should tell her i gave the blessing. she might still be holding back because of me and my feelings towards you,” you say what you thought out loud, showing beomgyu just how effective his rejection is not only to you but also to himself.

“i’m sorry once again, (y/n). i shouldn’t have used you like that,” he said as you blinked your eyes, letting out a hum as your answer.

“but truly, i couldn’t reciprocate your feelings because-“

“because i’m your best friend’s baby mama. i remember.” you slice his sentence and put in your own. but you didn’t expect him to add to it more.

“yeah, that but also,” beomgyu lifted his head towards one point in the room as you followed, finally letting the sound of the fall out boy song in your hearing as you listened to heeseung singing along with it with a similar cup in his hand, taking a deserved break just for the night to let loose. that is when after he sang the high note that he caught your gaze and you see the corner of his lips tugging upwards.

“it’s heeseung too. he had never been this caring towards someone. even to his previous girlfriends where he only dated for like three months top.” he said as you can remember heeseung dating in high school and he had only had a girlfriend for like a month before they broke up. it’s a teasing material you and ryujin used and you can remember how fuming he became before beomgyu calmed him down. beomgyu’s word makes you realize something as it definitely is a fragment of the answer that he couldn’t answer when you asked him nights before.

“i have a guess that he has been having feelings towards you that he is willing to monetarily fund you throughout your pregnancy. it’s hard to find a guy like that unless he is honest and sincere.” beomgyu continued as you jumbled the words to find the answers hidden in them because—true to what the boy beside you said—if he is not sincere, he wouldn’t be leaving you alone to face this phase of your life. your mind suddenly thinks of a world when you say nothing to him about you being pregnant, letting it be a secret that he might only know after you give birth to the twins. but, you still won’t lie the sexual attraction is there to make them in the first place.

“thanks for answering the age-old question, beomgyu.”

“you’re welcome,” he said as he saw heeseung approaching the two of you. you can see with the way he has a little sway in his movement that he is definitely tipsy: nearly drunk. he pulls you up before sitting down on your previous space and tugging you down so you sit on his lap. his hand moves towards your bump and you can feel the babies reacting by kicking around the skin where he puts his palm.

“oh yeah, txt’s coming back with a gig. would love to see you both there cause we might spoil a new single for our next album.” beomgyu said as both you and heeseung stared at him.

“no shot. we’ll be there, right, hee?”

“uh huh,” he replied as you could see the cringe on beomgyu’s face, not used to seeing his best friend being disgustingly lovey-dovey towards his partner as he stood up from the couch.

“i’m gonna grab more snacks. hold the remote for me, won’t you?”

you picked the remote from his hand as you replied, “good luck on ryujin. be patient.”

“i will!” you heard beomgyu reply as heeseung’s nose seemed to distract you by tracing it against your cheek.

“what was that?”

“you know the love triangle i mentioned?” he hummed to your question.

“beomgyu got rejected by ryujin, so i was giving him tips to get into her heart romantically and i have to give a blessing to ryu if she wants to pursue him.”

“ah... that. well finally. beom’s brave enough to actually confess.”

“how is he like about her during high school?” you turn to examine heeseung as he sways your body on top of him.

heeseung chuckles before answering, “he is definitely whipped for her. he was so angry for being late to confess when ryujin suddenly got a boyfriend…”

“that guy was a bad boyfriend in the end.” you fill out heeseung’s story as he let out another hum.

“speaking of high school, i’m guessing i’m not the only that is having my phone setting off so much from the story i repost?” he squinted his eyes, making you let out a sheepish smirk.

“ooh, let’s actually see how they react!”

you and heeseung see the messages that are being exchanged of how you both are together and some congrats to the people who notice the baby bump. but still, the overwhelming census says “HOW ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER” exactly with the caps on. all you and he could do was laugh as you waited for the next year to start in just a few minutes.

the new year that you are ready to face with him.

-

you are rummaging through heeseung’s side of the wardrobe as you hopefully don’t want your expectation to be wrong. that he, AT LEAST, still has the uniform from the last season in his wardrobe.

heeseung left hours before to train some more for the championship finale tonight and as a former basketball player and his “partner”, you gotta have to show him support—"or i will actually kick you out" he jokingly said. you knew of his predicament so well, being the captain of the team but also as the versatile player who his teammates have to rely on. but you definitely can trust him for this because, of course, he wins against you when it comes to the basketball category.

you can feel the vibration of the notifications on your phone, telling you that your friends are here to pick you up at the arena as you let out the breath you were holding and tug your tank top lower to cover your bump. you have finally found last year’s decelis basketball uniform as you see the words “h.s. lee 01” so clearly on the back. it still smells so clean because he probably has not worn the top in a long time—but you have seen him wear the bottoms as some house clothes. you tug your head through the collar and put your hand through the sleeveless strap as you pull the top down, seeing the excess of his clothes covering the rest of your bump as it hangs on the end.

when you hear the sound of the doorbell ringing, you quickly walk to the door and open it, turning off the bell from the intercom before you are met with ryujin hugging you.

“you look sexy. i didn’t know you were that possessive, (y/n).”

“oh shush, the babies have to know that i’m also rooting for their daddy, of course. now, can you help me put on my shoes, please?”

after all of that is done and none of your things are left behind, you tuck your jacket as you enter charyeong’s large-ass van—probably from switching the car she brought from the previous semester back home during the break—as you are greeted by the whole gang when you enter with beomgyu driving and ryujin on the shotgun, noticing just how comfortable they are in conversing with each other now. you could see just how fast they’ve been getting it on as you don’t want to comment on it that much.

“tickets are with me.” jimin said in reply ryujin’s worrying scold when you let beomgyu drive the van towards the arena. you recognize the large arena from the many times you went by it, but also the distinct yellow neon color of hybe uni’s university color as it is the town’s signature arena. stepping out of the car, you felt the winter air hitting you as you and the rest are going inside the arena with jeongin holding some banners they made for heeseung that you don’t know shit about.

but the thing is: heeseung doesn’t know all seven of you will be here. because you didn’t tell him you don’t have work today when he thought you had.

well… that’ll be a major surprise for him.

you greeted a few of the juniors you recognize as the people who you worked with for in uni events or your junior in the business major. many of your peers’ juniors are also here as you discover some of them fangirling about beomgyu and how they are excited for his next album coming soon from the single they have released. even jeongin got recognized even if he is a small-time streamer. but he was raided by a bigger streamer during his subathon at the start of the year and has more collabs with the stray kids collective. safe to say he is set in his pursuit to be a streamer—"or a pro gamer if that doesn’t work," jeongin had said to you.

you recognized some of the cheerleaders as you have pretty good ties with them too when you helped one of them in bringing them to the hospital because of an injury during outdoor practice. though, you might not be as famous as your friends—you and minjeong actually—you are pleasant enough to recognize the satisfaction of your balanced socialization but also be at home watching movies with her for your 4 years of college.

“gosh, has it gone that fast?” you think to yourself. there’s a sense of melancholy towards it as you are here to do your last semester. to separate from the friends you made whilst being here as you open a new chapter, which you decided it will be with heeseung as you only have a month until your babies arrive.

the arena lights dim as you can hear the mc introducing the teams, both universities are cheering for each of their team until it’s decelis’ time.

“decelis number 1, playing in his last season before graduating, it’s lee heeseung.”

you actually let out a scream that shocked your friends as you watch heeseung coming out and stand in front of the opposite’s no. 1. then you pick up the recognizable names of heeseung’s teammates, mostly the juniors, sophomores, and freshmen, coming to take their place beside him. the names that you’ve heard so much is because of heeseung who was asking about on how to position his teammates in the right way with you—who will be ones in the court first and how can they do in facing the opponent. you actually had to use the basketball insight you haven’t used in a while to help him strategize, making you recognize just how well the players are in each category.

with his hands behind his back, heeseung’s gazes at the bleachers where the decelis supporters were. he was hoping he could see jeongin on the right side of the bleachers, but not going to lie, he wanted to see you in his game—answering the joking taunt he gave. the strategizing you help with is being taken seriously by coach min as he agrees to let the first people you helped him pick to be the one on the court first. the spotlight blinded him but he could see someone wearing darker clothing than the yellow and white colors of decelis is using this season.

as the light’s brightness increases, his eyes stay on that certain spot as he recognizes it is you. he can feel his heart pulsing swiftly when he recognizes the top you are wearing, scanning the number 1 on the front: his last season’s uniform. you stood right beside the aisle of the bleachers just three rows back from his own benches. he could definitely bring himself to you right after if he wants to.

after the players shake their hands and return to their benches, you finally notice how heeseung recognizes you as you catch his sight, but then he lets his eyes trail to the people beside you to see the gang fully completed when he actually does a face-palming motion. you turn to view the banners the boys are lifting, “DECELIS’ KAEDE! ALL OF US ARE HERE NOW!” the little inside joke that you and the girls also understand as none, and yes, none of the games heeseung played has all the gang there to watch. only this one: his final one.

heeseung steps out first alongside jaehyun, niki, jake, and sunghoon. niki is at the front as he waits for the referee to blow the whistle. he jumps and uses his long limbs to push the ball towards the decelis side as heeseung gets it and immediately passes it towards jaehyun. the screeching sounds from the shoes make the quick side stepping and pivoting be picked up as you listen to the sound of the supporters fighting against each other in how loud and united the support is. jake got the ball as he easily slips under the reach of the opponents and he halts and quickly shoots, an easy two-pointer at the start. but the opponents: they are not that easy to beat.

8 minutes in, the score is so tight at 17:15 to decelis. niki and sunghoon have such a good time as they successfully dunk an alley-oop together. jake is killing it with the lay-ups while heeseung has gotten one three-poin- wait no, make it two three-pointers as the score rises to 20:15. but you realize just how weak the defense is as you can actually hear coach min saying to focus on offense on one timeout still in the 1st quarter. and they still focusing on the offense, making the current score for the 1st quarter being 20:17.

heeseung rested out for the 2nd quarter as coach min let a few nimble ones play on the court such as jungwon and sunoo. lay-ups and shoots scored the most in this round but jay was the primary target of the opponent as he always got free throws. maybe because they just recognize how good jay is at scoring three-pointers but if he is inside near the ring, he could do a backboard bounce or even a dunk. you actually feel your body sweating as you understand just how worrisome the situation is. it makes you pull off your outer jacket as you can pick up gasps and surprises to your wearing heeseung’s uniform. you look at his side profile as you sit behind him, discussing with taesan on what to do about this as coach min seems to get taesan out after calling another time out. the score at the end of the 2nd quarter is 34:32.

“i swear to god, (y/n).” you heard minjeong said beside you, “why is this so high school musical 3 vibe?”

you actually let out a pout whilst holding your laughter, because what she’s saying is so true. during your winter break—because you and heeseung are “home”—you and him binge-watch the high school musical trilogy. the way, you remember, heeseung cackling as he watches how the bleachers sit down to show gabriella as troy was having this existential moment when they only have 16 minutes on the clock is ridiculously funny. but you can see him bopping his head to the basketball practice song that is “get’cha head in the game” that you might believe it’ll be his guilty pleasure practice song. “please, bet on it is so good though.” he also said as you watch the second movie, and how he is shocked to watch you remember the lyrics of “gotta go my own way” with how you karaoke the shit out of it. yes, both troy and gabriella’s parts.

to experience similar moments being imitated in life makes you rethink how it happens in the first place. like, no, you aren’t gabriella and heeseung isn’t troy and you both are not in high school when all of this is happening. but you’re thinking about what could’ve been. but, as many people have said, high school isn’t like high school musical.

the 3rd quarter started and you watch heeseung playing once again, focusing on his part as a forward but also helping in defending because of his tall body that can shield the hoop from the opponent. but, the morale seemed to have dimmed down as you see the way the opponent’s score now flips over decelis’ even by one point. but then the gap widens as both teams are doing well with defenses. however, decelis seemed to have some slip-ups. you can see the opponent’s player with number 2 on their back—seemingly the ace of the team—that is put in this round is turning the tides, focusing on quick motions, passes, and attacks. and just like that, the 3rd quarter ends with a score of 42:44. just one shot of difference.

and, unlike those 2000s rom-com movies you watched that have a couple with one of them being an athlete, you go down the bleachers as heeseung watches you when coach min is telling of the plan with the rest of the team. you grab his hand towel and help to dry the drops of sweat dripping down his head. a loving gesture that is hiding something as you lowly whisper to only him.

“target number 2. making him tired.”

heeseung nods his head—as if he is thinking of the same thing—when you let yourself lean in and give him a kiss on his forehead before letting the towel go so you can return to your seat. his eyes follow your retiring figure before turning towards his coach, who is tracing the board with a marker.

“i think we also have to target their number 2. if he plays.” heeseung said, making the others turn to him.

“we need someone with a wide reach and nimble enough to catch up to him. someone who hasn’t had a foul yet to stick right to him. he’s good with his lay-up but he has taken a few inside shots and misses, which means he might be weaker at free throws. so you need someone who doesn’t have any fouls who isn’t scared to bump into him when he starts doing lay-ups, then we can score through rebounds,” he stands beside coach min as he puts his forefinger on the board, tracing the path of one of the pins as he continued, “we do a two-time pass and maybe the forwards will be on standby as they can do a layup or dunk.”

the coach glances at him, rethinking of the new information the captain gave him as he nodded, “who doesn’t have any fouls?”

heeseung sees sunoo, riwoo, and leehan raising their hands as the coach continues, “i’ll be switching you up every four minutes, and remember what heeseung says: take the foul. as long as you don’t have five fouls, you are alright. we have to be brave enough to play dirty. i’ll be having taesan, sunghoon, and niki switching between each other for the center and power forward positions. jake, sungho, and jungwon will take over for point guard and heeseung, jay, and jaehyun for shooting guards, okay?”

“yes, sir!”

“team!” the coach pushes his hand in the center as the rest put their hands on top of his. coach min nods towards heeseung.

“decelis!”

“dece- dece- fighting.”

the supporters roar as he see the opponent doing the same thing to taunt them. heeseung has his eyes on their number 2 before looking back at you who is standing up as you give him a thumbs up.

10 more minutes.

1 time of 10 minutes and it is done. for heeseung, it will be the last time he played as a college basketball athlete as he will graduate later in the year. for him, it is now or never.

“heeseung,” coach min’s hand on his shoulders, “thanks for telling me about number 2.”

he lets out a smirk before answering, “you should thank my girlfriend for that.” and he walks to the court, seeing leehan placing himself right by number 2 with the ball at their side as taesan passes it to niki. niki dribbles forward as heeseung and sungho is at the front near the ring. leehan sticks by number 2 with taesan now by the ring, but niki notices how sungho is empty as two people are trying to defend taesan. he passes it towards sungho who immediately dribbles inside, not scared to move in as he finds the right path to the hoop and does a layup.

score!

heeseung pushes his hands out so he can high-five sungho as they retreat behind the center line. he notices the opponent’s forward passing to number 2 who is so fast and already in a way to do a layup where leehan pushes him, making him prematurely shoot and miss the backboard. a foul given by the referee.

heeseung stood near number 2 as he hoped his theory would come true. number 2 shoots his first free throw and misses. his eyes are on niki and taesan nearest the ring, telling them to pass the ball to him as they read his signals, nodding in return. number 2 shoots his second free throw and misses when taesan rebounds the ball and passes it to niki as heeseung runs backward to the outside of the half circle. the ball flies up as niki passes towards heeseung, who feels someone near him as he jumps and quickly pivots away from the opponent behind him. he sees the small sliver of empty space outside of the half circle and dribbles there before shooting his shot.

a three-point score!

with the opponent’s plan to use number 2 becoming a failure as there is a three-score gap in the scoreboard, the decelis team remains in the same strategy of guarding number 2 and fouling to fail their attempt to shoot. heeseung sees coach min tally up their scores when he calls for a timeout, changing all five of the players with their replacements in their assigned positions. heeseung sits down on the bench as he stretches his legs, wanting to look back to gaze at you before he feels a tap on his side to see jungwon smirking.

“girlfriend, huh?”

heeseung raises his eyebrows.

“you said to coach to thank my ‘girlfriend’, since when is (y/n) noona your girlfriend?"

“honestly, i don’t know.” he looks to find you before fully focusing on jungwon, “something just tells me that it’s correct to refer to her as that.”

“also, did she play basketball? how does she know that number 2 is their ace?”

“well…” heeseung smirks as he leans towards jungwon, basking in the way his team has found the right way of play as the gaps between the teams are getting longer and longer. jungwon also has an air of surprise when heeseung tells him that you were a former basketball player—a point guard like the boy he is talking to.

“but why did she stop?” jungwon genuinely asked, making him chuckle.

“let’s just say that she knew she wouldn’t beat me when it came to playing basketball.”

the opponent team did a timeout as heeseung said “good luck” to see jungwon now being called to play on the court. seeing jay, the three-point master playing on the court when there are 2.5 minutes of the match is done as if to terrorize them more. not only did they have riwoo who hadn’t had a foul yet, sunghoon and taesan are now playing as they have used their tall arms to defend and attack successfully, and jungwon who is ready to be the point guard. heeseung can feel the pride oozing out of him at how unstoppable his team is. coach min seems to contemplate whether to put him on or not, but heeseung shakes his head.

“let them be. it’s their chance.”

and it’s their chance indeed, as he sees the time counting down at rapid speed. when it is under the 30-second mark, the opponent successfully gives another score but they are too far from decelis as all they have to do is defend the hoop. one of them takes their last chance, watching the ball hitting the rim as sunghoon grabs it—10 seconds left—before passing it towards riwoo who is moving on the court, doing an ankle-breaking turn to his opponent before passing it to jay, who instantly shoots the ball as heeseung sees the perfect arch. he heard the siren calling the end of the game and the ball falling perfectly into the opponent’s basket.

they won.

all the decelis players approach jay on the court as they hug him, but heeseung is nowhere to be found.

instead, he jumped from the bench and climbed up the bleachers where he saw you cheering. your expression changes when you notice him approaching, a euphoric smile on his face as he grasps your cheeks and brings his lips to yours, making you instantly close your eyes as you move your hand to caress his sweaty-ass nape. you can hear the cheer of your friends beside you as you remember they were recording, making them record both of you as you felt heeseung’s hand drops to give a gentle grip on the bump.

you could see heeseung’s hooded gaze as he didn’t hesitate to crouch down and give two kisses to each side of your bump—for his two kids—before he stood up and gave you another peck on the lips.

“go down to the court!” you push him away from his celebration as he sees his team already gathering, waiting for him. he approaches the court with a sheepish smile as they seem to chuckle while seeing their captain so in love.

you wait as you eye heeseung’s figure that is being embraced by his teammates. minjeong showing you her point of view of the kiss as you can sense how passionate the two of you are; reminding her to send it to you as sit down and lean back, feeling a weight from you also falling down alongside heeseung’s.

the mc talks about who the player of this match is and the team was so excited to know that jay won for his numerous scores in the three-pointers—he deserves it after all. but he also had one more thing.

“at the end of every season, we also have the most valuable player of the season and for this year, for the third time in a row, mvp is decelis’s no. 1, lee heeseung!”

heeseung does a deep bow as he gets the mvp trophy and he sees some package for him that he could give to his teammates and bring the rest home to share alongside you. his vision looks at the mvp trophy, tracing the figure of a basketball player in action when he sees his reflections on its golden sheet surface. his smiles dropping as he can feel contempt.

“any words?” the mc asked as he was being offered the mic.

heeseung grabs the mic and rests it in front of his lips, finding the right things he will say as he utters, “i would like to thank my decelis family for being with me since i started my college basketball career, the hybe uni supporters for cheering us on, and to my friends who are here all complete with all 8 of us here.”

he sees how beomgyu seems to shrug as he wants to hide–cause beomgyu, especially, has only been to heeseung’s game once every season.

“to our opponents, you have done such a terrific job and i see you, number 2. you’re going to do so well.” said number 2 also bowed his head, knowing just how highly regarded heeseung is—one for the legends.

“this is also my last season with decelis as i’ll be graduating this year. thank you for having me and i’m sure the decelis will be in safe hands with them.” he turned towards his teammates as they looked at him with glimmers in their eyes and flatters in their hearts. heeseung gave one more deep bow before giving the mic to the mc as they waited for the medal ceremony.

heeseung could sense the festivity floating around in the locker room as he felt the hug of each of his teammates. he could see the enormous bags of snacks from the package beside him on the bench, as he knew he wouldn’t be eating them all anyway, giving it to the rest of the team as he packs a few of the little snacks in his duffle bag.

jake approaches him and asks, “so you really aren’t going pro?”

“hmm… nah… but i might be still seeing you if i got the right job to discuss college basketball.” heeseung answered as niki approached, “gosh, you are light years older than us, old man.”

“i’m only 4 years older than you, nishimura. you were supposed to be in high school if you didn’t have an accelerated class.” he nags as the others still basking in the euphoria of winning the medals. he, of course, wants to celebrate, but he has another thing to do in his mind that is much more important than celebrating with the guys.

“the victory party is tomorrow, right?” heeseung asks.

“yeah, it is hyung.” jaehyun answered, “all of us needed a rest after that shit.”

“i need a soak!” heeseung hears taesan complaining as all of them change from their shoes to their respective sandals.

“rest well then we can have fun tomorrow,” jay answers as he gently grabs his player of the match package and puts it in his duffle bag, making heeseung pat his shoulder. while preparing their bags as they left the arena to go home for the night, heeseung glanced at his phone to see the numerous notifications from social media of his victory and retirement speech before he landed on your simple notification.

(y/n) :P : i’m by your car.

he lets his feet bring him to where he parked his car hours prior, seeing you leaning against the front of it with the light of your phone shining on your face. you lifted your head as you heard the sound of his footsteps approaching. put the phone away, you brace for his hand holding onto yours, gripping you hard as he gives you a long, breath-taking kiss.

“congrats,” you say to him as his nose touches yours, bringing you in for another kiss as both of you are moving your lips around to adjust, earning a muffled moan from you as he felt your hands scouring around on his body.

“where’s your car key?” you whispered to him as you saw him shake his head, making you frown.

“if you genuinely want to take me tonight, you have to be strong. let me drive, heeseung,” you asked with your voice tone lower, making him flow into a dazed state as he zips open the front of his duffle bag and dropped the car key in your hold, making you push past him as you open the driver’s seat. heeseung instinctually walks to the backseat as he places the bag in the center. the sound of the car engine starts after you push the start button. heeseung closes the door and gets in the passenger door as you still adjust your seat. you knew you wouldn’t see your legs, but driving is a muscle memory thing so you hoped it would kick in you.

from your perspective—and because you have a smaller car—his car is massive. but as you adjust all the mirrors to your liking and with the new sensors on the side mirror to help detect blind spots, heeseung’s car is definitely more technologically advanced than yours.

moving the gear to drive, the car stumbles forward as it pulls out of the arena’s lot with headlights switched all the way on. heeseung has his seat leaning back, cannot wait on what he’ll get and be getting back at your home as he places his hand on your thigh.

-

why is the elevator ride so long?!

you stare at the rising number with both of your hands behind you, not even minding slipping on the coat that you were wearing because you can feel how hot heeseung’s touches are the whole time you’re driving back to your apartment.

speaking of heeseung, you took a peek from the corner of your eyes to see him staring at you, not breaking away as he trails behind you after parking the car in the basement and going to the elevator. both of you in your decelis’s lee heeseung basketball paraphernalia when you can feel the tension steadily building. because you know from the hooded eyes he gave you in that arena that he wants to celebrate his last victory with you.

the sound of the medal hanging on his chest creating thuds that harmonically tie with both of your footsteps. none of you said anything as heeseung lets you lead the way to your shared apartment. you can still imagine the distinct image of when you turn your head towards heeseung to see him biting his lip lower lip under the shining red traffic light, teasing you throughout the drive as he trails his hand up and down your thigh, closer and then farther to your core.

you can sense him leaning his figure on the wall beside the door, enclosing you with his body as you type in the keypad to unlock the door. the ringing chime tells both of you that the door is unlocked as you push open, already swiftly pulling your shoes off because you just know that it might slow you down with whatever you’ll be doing if you take your time. tugging your bag off of you as you walk and drop it with your coat on the nearest beanbag, the eerie silence makes you alert on every step you take.

“heeseung-“

you felt your body being turned around as heeseung pushed you to the wall. your breath being taken away by the small thud as he pushes his lips to yours, finally showing that passion he is holding back when he gives you his victory kiss. his hold on your cheek is gentle, but the way his lips mesh and move against yours is the opposite. you can feel the desperation and pent-up emotions flowing out, maybe because that’s one reason you never heard of him hooking up with someone as you can sense the frustrating grit of not getting off showing in his performance during his ball game.

your hands reach for his back as you playfully caress and tug the hair falling on his nape, making him gasp and let out such a hot low-toned chuckle before slipping his tongue into your gaping lips, exploring your mouth and trying your best to hold you close. to hold you and both of your babies close to him. he leans back and lets his forehead and nose caress against yours. both of your eyes close as you bask in his touch.

“you look so fucking good in my uniform.” he pecks your lips before giving kisses all over your face.

“your uniform is so comfortable to wear,” you reply as he groans, trailing his hand down your sides before resting by your waist with the bump, gripping it hard.

“all of my babies look so beautiful in wearing what’s mine.”

his words making you giggle as you grip his chin to make your lips connect, biting lightly on his pouting lip as you can sense his hands now underneath your top, feeling his touches on the skin that is two layers deep of tank top and bra you are wearing.

“sorry, kids. but i just have to thank your mom for sticking right by me,” he says a bit loudly as he caresses the bump before his hands move to your hips and thighs, lifting it up and making you gasp as you can feel how you are slightly lifted off of the floor.

“heeseung, aren’t we too heavy-“

instead, he lifts you higher against the wall and you can feel your top being dragged by it. cutting your words off as he connects his lips and grinds his crotch against yours.

“i can definitely lift heavier than you, woman. believe me and wrap yourself around me so i can ravage you.”

“shut the fuck up, you aren’t a literature student.” you giggle at his uncalled pretty words when you wrap your legs and arms around him, taking all three of you with him to your shared bedroom that is only being lit up by the orange-tinged lamp—making the entire atmosphere a bit more romantic. you try to move your weight to help him balance before he drops you down in front of your shared bed.

linking his lips with yours once again, his touches becoming more vulgar as he is not embarrassed to touch your breasts, making you gasp as you caress the exposed side of his uniform to feel the ridges of his ribs. his hands are raised as you tug his uniform off of him. the last time you looked at him this way was that night you two fucked and he look a bit more ripped than 8 months before—his muscles seemingly thicker from the workout he had to endure to maintain his body. his biceps and triceps are more pronounced from dribbling and shooting the ball to the basket as you can feel the cool traces of his skin because of his sweaty sheen meeting the cold weather. your lips trail from his to underneath his jaw, giving little suck as you trace them to his pronounced clavicle, remembering his sensitive nipples from the last time as you can hear his small moans from the combination of light pinching and sucking that blooms small but many amounts of your marks on him.

you turn both of your figures as you sit on the bed whilst heeseung peers down; him shaking his head at realizing what you're doing as you trace your fingertips on his abdomen.

“it’s your fucking victory, heeseung. you deserve it,” you mumbled as you give a kiss to his growing cock before tugging the band of his underwear down, seeing it bounce up in its semi-erect glory. you didn’t hesitate to spit on your palm and wrap your hand around it, stimulating his tip as he could feel the shivering spreading in his body.

“fuck-“ he spoke near a whisper as he leans his head back, showing the expanse of his neck from your position because you also can’t wait to ravage it with your marks. one hand stroking him and the other stimulating his own balls, he hisses as he felt your warm mouth taking him in, making him looking down to see you with your eyes close as you wet him, opening your eyes as you move your head back to examine his cock glistening with your saliva. his hand caressing softly of your hair as you continue to take him.

“ah hah…” heeseung moans as he has one hand on your head and another by your cheek, feeling it hallowing as you take him. the way you gag before pulling back as you cough makes him lean down to kiss your spit-covered lips before you push him away as you take his dick in your mouth once again. you can sense him getting longer and thicker as the blood flows into his dick when you push him deeper into your cavern once again, feeling the tip of your nose brushing his pelvis as you heard his groan getting louder, making you moan as it also stimulates him more.

the hand that was pushing your head suddenly pulled you away as heeseung went down on his knees to connect your lips, making him taste his own pre-cum that was ever-flowing as he felt the sliver of skin when both of your tank tops rested just above your belly. he lifts both his uniform and your tank top underneath off of your body as he is met with you in your black maternity bra and your bump where you have been incubating his kids for the last 8 months.

“ah…” you moan out as heeseung’s hand caress your sensitive nipple while he focuses on kissing your bump and the stretch marks it produces. he remembers clearly how you are always wearing the skin lotion that could help with your stretch mark after showering before going on your bed, making him stare at you who is in front of the mirror as he sees you gently spread the remedy on your skin. he also remembers how your face sometimes falls as you see the thick stretch marks, making him also pull out a little frown.

“you’re so fucking beautiful.” you heard his muffled words against where your stretch marks at as you reached behind you to unclasp your bra, letting your girls breathe as you try to rub them as you sensed how tender they are. dr. park said that it’s because you are on your way of producing milk and it is very normal to feel it so tender and full.

putting your hands behind you to support you upright while you push your upper body towards the bed, heeseung’s hand playfully snaps your underwear band before tugging it down along with your socks, taking in your naked self that he couldn’t help but think even in such situations as when he is practicing and even during the doctor's appointment as he sees you getting your ultrasound done.

“lay down for me,” you caught his voice as you turned your body and stretched to get a pillow so you could support your head. his touches and kisses litter your thighs as you feel his fan of breath on your moist core that dripping down your essence. you felt one of his fingers picking the dropping pre-cum before pushing into your opening.

you can’t see him from this angle—the baby bump not allowing you—as you can only feel and listen to what he is doing to you. the finger pushes past the opening and you can hear him let out an exhale from the way your walls engulf him.

“how are you still so fucking tight?” heeseung seemed to also wonder as he felt his finger being covered in your natural lubricant, hearing you say from the bed.

“it feels so wrong to fuck people when i’m pregnant with your child.”

“me as well.” your eyes widen as you hear his nonchalant confession before you can feel him pushing in and out his sole finger from your core. that is when you feel the wet muscle of his tongue flicking your clit before giving the nub its own suck. your legs curl as you put your legs on top of the mattress, making him groan as he pulls your hips so your legs don’t have anything to support on before he lets you wrap them around his shoulders.

your bump doesn’t allow you to tug on his hair as he deliciously devours you, making you grab onto your sheets until your knuckles turn white while one of the hands stimulates your lips to make it seem like he is kissing you. another moan is out of you as heeseung adds another finger and interchanges his fingers and tongue into your hole. you can feel yourself getting tight as the band of your stomach is so close to being snapped.

“i’m going to fucking cum-“ you said in such a raspy voice as heeseung doesn’t stop, teasingly adding a third finger as you feel the band snap and you cumming on three of his fingers, making it much easier for him to penetrate you when you heard him hum as he licks the spillage from your cum. the sound of his heels planting on the floor makes your breath hitch as he rises from the floor, wiping the corner of his mouth as you can’t help but giggle and roll your eyes.

“take me like this.” you moved the pillow from your head to your hips as heeseung stood in between your legs that he was holding in both of his hands before leaning it against his torso. you can finally feel the head of his cock as it nudges your entrance, making you roll your eyes back as he kisses the calves of your outstretched leg against his body. when you sense his head pushing to stretch your lower lips, you let out a huge exhale and feel your arousal slowly being satisfied. your natural lubricant easily takes him in as he moves his body forward. both of your jaws slack as you sense him inside you, making you feel full once again after a long time.

“you’re so tight, mama,” he spoke in such a pet name that you could feel your warm face getting warmer with the rush of blood. heeseung’s gentle touches contrast with the rough ones he gave during your one-night-stand as he is reminded of the babies now existing between the two of you. you nodded your head as you reached for his hand that was gripping your waist, making him move in and out of you at a faster pace.

“fuck, you make me full, daddy.” you see how heeseung grins as he continues to thrust into you. he has his lips move from fully open to biting as he looks at your face reacting to each movement, wanting to kiss your delectable lips but knowing that he can’t because he doesn’t want to press up his kids. so, he lets his body move that thought to how he thrust in you and feeling how you reacted to that. your legs curling from the sensation as he moves his hand to your boob, groping it as you grab the hand to lock it with yours. you let out similar doe-like eyes like what he usually shows as you let out a raspy sound every time he plunges deep inside.

with your mind slowly floating from your head, you can feel the dizziness associated with laying down on your back for too long as you let your fingers out from his and wrap them around his wrist, hard.

the tight grip alerts heeseung as he sees you trying to push yourself up to sit down. pulling himself out as you felt the air in your gaping hole from his thick dick, you sit on the bed and grab his cheeks to bring his lips to yours. finally tasting him once again as you both tease the heck out of each other when both of you bite your respective bottom lips to make you both counter with something else. heeseung doesn’t hesitate to let his teeth bite your bottom lips before you let your tongue slip in and push into his mouth so you can battle each other.

letting him go and with a push so he steps away, you turn your body around and fold your body as you rested both of your feet on the ground and your upper body on the bed. your belly hanging from the suspension as you present yourself to heeseung who is groaning behind you.

“look at you, nasty girl who is slutting yourself for me,” he words out as you feel his slap on your ass, making you wiggle your hips.

“i’m your fucking slut, hee,” you said with your head turning towards him, a smile growing on your face as you felt the familiar sensation of his head plunging through your lower lips. you lean your head down on the pillow as he drives into you, making you let out a muffled moan as heeseung traces his hand down your spine.

“my slut who allows me to breed her.” you moan out as you listen to how his breeding kink is coming back. your belly jiggles along with each thrust as you lay your head on the pillow, turning your head to the side to watch your hand forming a fist before a hand reaches down to open the curled up fingers and place it down flat on the mattress: his hand enveloping yours as he curls his fingers into you. you can feel breathing against your ear as heeseung bites into your shoulder, marking you down as his while his thrust doesn’t stop.

“i’ll gladly breed you again and again.”

“fuck, daddy.”

“yeah, you like what daddy tell you, mama?”

you hummed as heeseung had his other hand pressing down your upper back so you could feel his tip kissing your cervix that is protecting your babies. yet, it still stimulates you so much that heeseung sees tears falling down the corner of your eyes, licking it up with his tongue.

“don’t hold back, shit, breed me, hee.”

heeseung—excited—grasps underneath both of your elbows as he pulls your limp body back, making you arch towards him as he makes his pace faster. your head leans back as you can’t even close your jaw, silent screaming coming out of you as he takes you in its entirety. you feel his lips kissing your head before you limp forward to let your head hang as he rests his own just behind your nape.

“you’re taking me so fucking well, (y/n). body just for me.”

he spoke as you felt your walls clamping up against him when his kisses contrasted with his thrust. heeseung feels your body trembling as he reaches his hand around to rub your clit, making you squirm once again as you mumbled, “c-cum…”

“cum for me, baby.” that is followed by your exasperated, pornographic moan as you can see white flashes while you cum, feeling heeseung’s thrust slowing down as he wraps his hand across your body now. with his own moans entering your ear, you can feel his cum staining your walls. both of you have to slow down to breathe well when you felt him kiss your shoulder blades before he pulls out, making a few of both of your cum fall down to the floor and trail down your thighs.

yet, your libido is still ongoing as you tug on his hand that is wrapped around your body. you turned around between his arms, thighs closing in on each other as you kissed his swollen lips so none of your essences would fall out again—because of your kink.

“sit down against the headboard for me,” you whisper against his lips before lazily kissing him once again as you let go to see him climbing on top of your shared bed and resting right in the middle of it. sheets already crumpled as he rearranged the pillows for his head and back on the headboard. his legs are stretched out in front of him and his arms resting behind his head. his face tells you to take him like he takes you, especially with his cock that is getting erect once again after seeing your hungry eyes.

you slowly crawl up to him on your hands and knees and widen your legs to slot him in between you. in the kneeling position, you crawl to his lap as his hands shoot to grab your waist, helping you as you grip his thick cock in your hand and bringing him to your entrance, slowly sinking down as your hands move to grip his upper arms. with such a fast pace coming from the last round exhausting both of you, you wanted to make this one slow—reminiscent of the unspoken tiebreaker between you two when you can feel a different feeling you have of him from the familiar ones you always get when you argue the hell out of each other. that feeling has bloomed throughout this journey as labels changed in so many turns and iterations. and here you are, sitting with heeseung inside of you, just taking in your feelings for each other as your zen mindset comes back to the ones you usually have during your daily ritual.

your hands wrapped around his back as you slowly move against him, not breaking eye contact even with how good the feeling of him rearranging your walls again, feeling every ridge of him against you. this position finally allows him to caress your body more, allowing his hand to softly soothe your bump as he can’t imagine how shocking this might have been for the babies. it allows him to hold on to your growing breasts that are producing milk for them, making you hiss as you continue to let him message them so that they’re not too stiff. it allows him to lean forward and kiss your own swollen lips with his, seeing the excess of your eyeshadows being smeared by your tears from how hard and delicious he had fucked you. it allows him to make hickeys on you, indent from bite marks alongside the skin turning dark littering the neck and collarbone, showing people you are his. it also allows you to do the same, creating abstract art between the two planes of his skin from the promise you made to yourself.

when he leans back to rest his upper body against the headboard, you ask him the dreaded question—not even slowing down your pace as you still continue to move.

“what are we?”

heeseung stops you from moving, knowing the severity of the question as he seems to read your face. you could see his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed down, all of your senses seemed to become so hypersensitive that even you could feel the small pinprick of pain in your skin cells at the way heeseung broke it to create one hickey on your neck. you see his eyes darting to different points of your face, also trying to read what you’re thinking.

“from the rivals to future parents to fake dating, i, i can’t pinpoint one.” you tried to voice out your answer, making heeseung seem much more comfortable in doing his bid.

“i refer to you as my girlfriend multiple times since it’s easier for naïve people to understand. but, i agree with you 100% that defining us.” he points between the two of you, “it’s hard.”

“hmm…” you nodded your head before lolling to the side, moving your hips so slowly just so that you also don’t make limbs too numb. “well, do you actually like me?”

“like you?”

“romantically, do you?” you let out a pout that makes him poke his finger to your cheek before you return it by scowling. it takes long for him to reply. a few breaths are taken and leave as you also allow yourself to match his rhythm as you slowly chase both of your highs. the way your facial changes expresses what emotions you are feeling: wonder from the way your eyes seemed to sparkle, fear as he sees that light dimming down, anger at how long he replied as he sees you wanting to poke tongue to your cheek. it switches even in such a minuscule way. but heeseung got to be reminded as to why he didn’t stop you or himself from following on this path.

“i do like you like that. romantically.”

you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, feeling the weight transfer to yours as you think of the past months, the ever-changing label, and the ever-changing feelings you have for him.

“me too. i do like you like that too.” you start to move faster as your grip on his torso tightens, “but calling us boyfriend and girlfriend will be too inappropriate cause we don’t have dates.”

“what about when it’s just the two of us?”

“the appointments, really heeseung?” you can see his smile widening, “you call those dates?”

“i can call that a date because we usually eat after each appointment,” he answers with the right vigor as you change the way you see. that, hey, maybe they are dates.

that’s when you laugh right in front of him, “we’re really doing it backward. the have-a-baby to can-i-have-this-date route.”

heeseung also laughs at your new phrasing, trying to define what your relationship is as he helps move your hips faster with his hold. yet, not wanting to make you two seem so haggard to discuss something so vulnerable.

“maybe companionship is the right word,” he said, lifting his hand to brush away the hair that is sticking to your skin. he sees you gnawing your lips as you nod, bringing him to your embrace as you move faster, feeling his shortness of breath by your skin as you nip on his earlobe.

“companionship is a great phrase,” you sense heeseung’s head nodding beside your own head. yet, you continue, “but i’m also ready to fall in love with you.”

heeseung pulls your chest off of his as he looks into your eyes, your lips parted as you breathe out, not wanting to stop because you can feel just how tight your walls are sticking onto him. he leans his head close to you, rubbing his forehead on yours as he brushing his nose tip with yours, one of his hands moving from your hip to your belly that is carrying his children. your children.

our children, heeseung corrects himself.

“i’m also ready. if you let me,” he replied, making you nod your head as you leaned forward to connect your lips to his. he leaned back and brought you along so he could sit against the headboard, helping to hold your hips as he helped his hips move to chase down both of your climaxes. you stare at each other in proximity, a smile growing on your face as you kiss his temple, enveloping him in your arms.

“i’m close-“ your breath hitches as he doesn’t stop. you helped by rubbing your fingers to your clit as your mouth widen, a silent moan coming out of you as you kiss him while you heard his muffled groan, feeling your walls a tad bit relaxed as he rides your climax and chasing his own. his grip on you is so tight that you can sense the weight of gravity that seems to bring you and him down, feeling his release within your walls as it drips onto his lap. you lap his lips with your tongue like before when heeseung then connect it with his, pouring out the remaining unspoken emotion you felt for each other before you both retreated, feeling his breath combining with yours.

“whose gonna shower first?” he asked.

“of course you. you are so grimy it’s actually disgustin-“

he pushes you so you fall from his lap and land on the empty space on the bed, making it easier for you to push him out as he had tired you, body and soul. as you see his butt naked self walking towards the bathroom outside of your room, you still think that you can’t believe he calls you his and how he allows you to call him yours.

-

5. that's our lamp and that's where you love us

you know that you’ll not be getting the whole 40 weeks of pregnancy experience when you have twins. average twins are born in week 37 to 38. well… you are now in week 36 and you just want the babies to come out!

the braxton hicks contraction is driving you crazy as you can see heeseung panicking beside you whenever it comes. with the postponement of your internship—allowed by the uni—you just want the babies to come as fast as possible that you might want to come to the hospital so that dr. park can break your water. heeseung sits beside you, letting out his hee hee hoos as you follow along with the exercise before you change your sitting position to feel it disappear.

“another fucking braxton hicks, goddamnit.”

heeseung can only shake his head, seeing his companion wanting to let it end and actually getting crankier every day when it is getting closer to the due date. he has been helping with the living situation, especially when it comes to cooking based on the recipes ryujin gave to him when you just seemed to not be able to cook anymore because of the sudden contractions. but your appetite is getting lower because you don’t have the thought of it with the pain you are in. he has tried contacting the doula for questions but her answer is to try to calm you down and make you relax. or to distract your crankiness towards something else. for him, his answer is mario kart 8.

“can it get any faster?” you are practically screaming as you sit on the beanbag with heeseung sitting on his own. the projector between you projecting his pc’s desktop of mario kart 8 as you race through maple treeway track.

“babe, we’re already in 200cc. you’ll get a bullet bill and it’s going to be okay.”

“i fucking know,” you answered, but he didn’t reply as hard because he knows that it was just your hormone reaction. you can watch your wiggler racing through the position as the number rises. the box on the corner shows that you’ve gotten a star and you don’t hesitate to use it; making the likes of donkey kong, mario, and baby bowser bounce out of the way as you are approaching heeseung’s yoshi who is in 1st place. going up the half-pipe of the maple treeway track is when you get the three red shells by being in 3rd place, knocking princess peach out of 2nd place as this is the final and tiebreaker course for both of you.

you almost want to press to throw your red shell when you see a blue shell flying, aiming towards heeseung.

“blue shell!”

“oh fuck-“ heeseung can’t avoid it as the blue shell hits him while he is gliding to the last section of the course, making you fly past him as you have the red shell prepare to throw backward. you quickly drive above the tree roots and throw your red shell behind you, hitting heeseung one last time before crossing the finish line.

“YES!”

you cheer from your beanbag as you lean back, feeling it soften your impact as you close your eyes and rub your face with your hands. you can hear heeseung’s voice when he tells you “good game”.

“gg to you as well, babe,” you replied, feeling yourself much more relaxed than ever as you felt the fake contraction gone.

but that’s also when you feel your crotch is wet.

as you see the projector showing you the trophy of your win, you don’t hesitate to plunge your fingers in between your thighs inside your pants as you can feel the overwhelming wetness coming out of you.

“heeseung?!”

“what? you’ve won-“

his eyes gaze at your glistening fingers to your shocked yet measured face.

“it’s time.”

“it’s time?” heeseung asked, his mind’s wiring not right as he saw you standing up, wobbling from your weight. but he also sees the front of your crotch all wet and the beanbag being the collateral damage.

“oh fuck, it’s time- okay.”

he rapidly moves to the babies’ room where he already has the bags packed for your hospital trip as you turn off his nintendo switch. he helped you wear one of his sweatpants to cover the stain as he brought you out of your apartment and brought you to the elevator. you can feel one contraction coming as you hold on to the elevator wall, eyes on your phone as you count the seconds in your head.

“40 seconds…” you mumbled as you arrived in the basement, “remember it’s 40 seconds…”

“yeah yeah. stay here, i’ll bring the car to you.” heeseung ran towards the car as you stood there, eyeing the phone as you called dr. park to tell her you were on your way to the hospital. you can hear the ringing of the phone by your ear before the call is picked up.

“hi, (y/n). i was just going to go back home-“

“my water broke, and, and, we’re on our way to the hospital.”

“oh my- okay, we’re having the room prepared for you.”

“thank you.” you hang up the call as you then move to call haseul when you hear the wheel skid in front of you as heeseung helps you in the car before scurrying away to the hospital.

“how’s your contraction?” you hear her ask.

“it’s in 40 seconds and- ugh…” you can feel another contraction coming as heeseung takes one glance at you before going to the road. you see the minute from the clock on the center dashboard of the car console as you mentioned to haseul, “10 minutes.”

“you’re in early labor. i’ll meet you at the hospital, okay?”

“great, thank you.”

heeseung had his eyes on the road as he overheard you calling your parents and his parents, not stopping until he had parked in front of the ICU to call one of the staff.

“my girlfriend’s in labor.” he voices out in panic, seeing a few staff gathering around you as heeseung leaves you alone to park the car.

you were brought into the vicinity by a wheelchair as you mentioned your name to the receptionist. recognizing your name, one staff told you that your hospital room is currently in preparation as two nurses come to take care of you. the nurse brings you to the room as you are greeted with dr. park who is asking you for your contraction, which you have counted to make you sane as you can feel the expanding pain across your body now.

“last time, it was 40 seconds and 10 minutes. the last contraction is 35 seconds-“

“okay, okay. let me check your dilation okay? your bathtub is being prepared as well as the midwives,” the doctor said, making you nod your head as she helped undress you and put you in the hospital gown.

now you understand why people want a fast and safe labor. it fucking hurts as hell, like a tiger munching away through your hip joints kind of hurt—not that you have experienced it yourself, but any kind of hyperbolic phrase you could think of cannot compare to this amount of pain. you had no other choice but to exaggerate because this is the most pain you have ever felt in your life.

“3 cm in dilation…” dr. park mentioned as you see one nurse helping you with checking your pulse when you feel yourself getting another contraction, sensing your womb’s clenches so hard against itself.

“8 minutes…” you voiced after looking at your phone. the doctor nodded her head as she went out of the room to check on the other things for your active labor. the nurses helping in prepare the room as you asked one of them, “when is it the right time to move to the tub?”

“usually when you’re in active labor, it’s 10 cm in dilation. but we can put you in the tub by 7 cm,” she answered rapidly, preparing the machines near you for later as you are prepared to go to your waterbirth room soon. you hear the swift footsteps approaching your room from outside as you see haseul alongside heeseung there. he instantly drops the bags to the side as he grabs your face, giving you a few kisses to pacify you as you can actually see tears also running down his face.

“what’s the dilation?” haseul questioned, furrowed eyebrows showing as she sees your body curling up from the pain.

“3 cm,” you replied, holding onto heeseung as you could feel another contraction incoming.

“we have to make her dilate faster cause she’ll be going into active labor in minutes now. can you dance with her, heeseung? just slowly.”

“i’ll try,” he said as he held you by your waist, swaying you from side to side as you heard him hum a song.

ever since your revelations towards each other, most of your time has been spent with him. sometimes you even dance around in your living room just because you want to, letting him know the mitski songs you have inherited in your mind and heart. how you also cathartically sing to them as heeseung has to take in the lyrics, because of how complex it is with its layers of analogies and metaphors. though slower, you let him guide you into a state of lull as your face shows him just how in agony you are to him.

heeseung feels guilty as fuck seeing you like this, knowing that you are the only one who holds onto the pain to deliver his children. he had wished there is some technology out that could let him share the pain to help alleviate yours because seeing you only mumble out words as haseul help you sip on your sippy cup while trying to make you ready is hard to look at. heeseung holds you so close, feeling your body quivering as you let out another moan from another contraction. with haseul beside you, she helps in counting down the contraction while the nurse you asked for information is standing by as they will help in checking your dilation. he could help distract you by nipping your earlobe as you gaze at him, making him caress your face so softly when he can hear the vibrating phone coming from his and yours as your family and friends are on their way to the hospital.

“6 cm.” the nurse checked your dilation as haseul added, “50 to 60 seconds every 4 minutes. do you wanna go to the tub, (y/n)?”

“yes, please.” you take a sharp intake as the nurse helps to bring you to the waterbirth labor room. haseul walks beside you as she elaborates on a few more important things because she can’t be with you during it as it is only family, talking to both you and heeseung.

“since you’re going to have twins, they’re will be a 3 to 30-minute interval between your labor. i’m hoping that after baby 1 is born, you can push out baby 2 immediately if the midwife gives you the ready sign to know if the baby is positioned correctly. we will be more concerned with baby 2 and we can give you an option to do partial waterbirth so you can birth no. 2 outside the tub. luckily, the midwives here have numerous water birth experiences and have the skill to give birth to multiples with water birth. will that be okay for you?”

“most definitely okay,” heeseung replied for you as the nurse sped to the room first when he stopped haseul, “how can i help?”

“when it comes to water birth, the midwives usually allow the partner to step inside the tub to help them. an advantage for the partner that normal or caesarian birth doesn’t give. are you okay with being in the tub with her?”

“i’m okay with that.” heeseung doesn’t hesitate to reply, making haseul taps his shoulder as she tells him to call him when you’ve given birth before she is leaving. heeseung watches the woman who has helped both of you so much walking away before bringing himself to you once again.

inside the labor room, he could see the hecticness of the midwives and nurses as they helped to pull your gown off your body, leaving you in your bra as he saw dr. park giving you an injection in your lower back before turning towards him.

“this is anesthesia to help her feel less pain. are you here to be with her?”

he nodded before saying his complete answer, “please let me in the tub with her…”

“of course, you can. we can help bring you water and such for her.” dr. park said as the nurses seemed to pick up what she was saying—already on their way to prepare for the stuff that can help him and you. heeseung walks to where you are, seeing one midwife checking your dilation before nodding her head to the doctor. he takes off his top and lets his shorts on as you feel his touch from behind you, seeing him stepping inside as well after you.

“slowly…” he whispered to your ear as you tilt your head to him, seeing him guiding you to kneel into the bathtub.

“hi…”

“hey,” he replied to your weak greeting.

“i don’t think you want to join me in the tub. it could get bloody and it’ll be pretty disgusting.” you slur out your words as heeseung sees the midwives preparing on the other side of the tub. both of you kneel as you feel the water rising to your waist before he is the one laying down first, tapping his thighs so you can sit down on them.

“i’ve seen you bloody before when you got a nosebleed after i threw the basketball too hard at you and we have showered together before. this definitely will be the highlight of our relationship,” heeseung jokingly said before tugging you into his embrace, feeling your body shaking as another contraction is currently ongoing.

“remember your hee hee hoos, babe,” he whispered to your ear as you nodded, the midwives checking in on you as you are now in active labor.

“i will signal you to push when it is time, miss (l/n). do your breathing exercise,” the midwife says beside you as you see dr. park in her surgeon outfit, ready to help you as best as she can. your tired eyes are now wide open as you feel a surge of force within you from hearing what she said, enough force that turns into strength as you have one mission blaring in your mind.

to deliver your babies as safe as possible.

“okay, when you feel your muscles contracting, count down and push okay?” you nodded your head as you felt heeseung kissing your temple to soothe you. his eyes full of admiration as he can see your face being alive once again. you grunt as you feel the contraction—starting your breathing exercise.

“this one is a push. 1, 2, push.”

you let out a scream as you can feel the movement from underneath you, trying your best to push with your might as you can feel the weird sensation of pushing out like you were called by nature. but this, now this actually hurts.

“good job, two more pushes. ready when you are,” the midwife continues as two of them inspect from the side. heeseung has his lips near your ear. you can hear him whisper.

“they’re almost here, you can do it, (y/n).” his voice sounded so soft, rather low timbre as he helped you relax.

you’ve gone through the next two pushes, and are now on a pause as you awaited your next contraction before pushing again and again. right now, you feel both the most powerful and most helpless you have ever been. everything depends on you and the way your body’s primal instinct kicks in as you just want baby no. 1 to get out. blood has mixed with water as your mucous plug broke making you feel helpless once again because you are the only one being able to deliver the birth. all the others—including the midwives, dr. park, and heeseung—are there to support you in your painful moment. that’s when you feel it, the dreaded ring of fire that haseul has told you about.

you let out such a primal scream that you can feel your voice box getting sore as the ring of fire burns with your skin stretching from it, hearing the midwives and doctor talking about the crowning as heeseung focused on giving you water to drink from behind you. he could only be there as a hand to hold from you, feeling your nails breaking through his skin as he also bleeds. but he has all his focus on you.

the burning hurts so bad but when you feel the big part coming out from one final push, the rest feels like a slug as you see one of the midwives have their gloved hands inside the crimson water. your head leans back against heeseung’s shoulder as he sees the other midwife bringing the surgical scissor when he sees a blurry small silhouette of a grayish being. the other midwife immediately clamps the cord that is hanging out of your canal as you are reminded of how twins share a placenta.

heeseung’s eyes seemed too focused on the small figure being carried away when he felt your trembling body slow as the other midwife pressed her hands up against your belly, feeling if baby 2 was in the right position or not. the midwife gave him a nod as he looked down to see you nearly passed out; your eyes were blurry as you looked at the shining light from above you before it was covered by his face.

“you’re doing so well, baby. one more left,” he said as he eased to pivot your head, letting his lips placed against you as you could feel yourself waking up. that and the loud sound of a baby crying as you and heeseung look towards the source. seeing the crowd opens up as the midwife and dr. park helps examine the baby to see if they’re healthy. he can hear your exasperated laugh as you let out such a wide smile that makes his heart calm, making him rub your bump carefully as he also stares at the location of where his baby is.

the midwife responsible for them approaches you with a bundle in a towel, making your weak body sit up as you carefully position your hands so that she can put the baby into your hold. when you look at them, you can’t control your tears as the midwife helps to push the towel to let your skin touch the baby’s.

“it’s the boy…” the midwife says as the other ones are talking with the doctor about your second twin’s condition. his eyes are open and you can’t help but coo when you look at him, hearing his cry calming down when he senses your skin. the color coming to his skin as you heard heeseung gasp from behind you while you felt your heart beating faster as you watched his little face. heeseung’s head rested on your shoulder as both of you were speechless.

his head nudges to yours as you can feel the familiar contraction building up once again. your head already has one thing in your mind as you stare at baby no. 1. that you are going to deliver his sister as safe and clear as he is.

-

“she’s sleeping right now.” heeseung said as he turned around to see you sitting with your back leaning against the lifted upper half of the hospital bed, suspending you as you unconsciously hold on to both of your babies who are resting their cheeks against your skin.

your parents and his parents arrived on time when the nurses escorted your sleeping self to your room. heeseung beside the two incubators with a towel around his torso, gazing at the two newborn babies as they move around and wiggle their limbs, seeing their chubby cheeks as they gaze around the room with both confusion and wonder. to see the light outside of your womb for the first time while the nurses and midwives check their conditions and record them as part of society. he sensed his mom’s hand wrapped around his shoulder, hearing her sniffles as she cooed at the baby.

“be patient, dearest. you’ll be brought to your mama soon,” he recalls hearing his mom say while her son can only stare at them, a smile urging to come out as he can feel the tears of joy forming once again.

turning to face the people, he watches the faces of his friends gazing at their new niece and nephew with various versions of happiness—some including tears. he sees ryujin having both arms behind chaeryeong, who is looking giddy, and minjeong, who is snorting into the tissues she’s holding.

“what are their names?” he hears jimin say, seeing his rare pout as he eyes all three of the sleeping figures.

“we’ve decided on it and we named them siwoo and siah,” heeseung replied with the names you and he had chosen together nearly two weeks before their arrival.

“lee siwoo and lee siah…” minjeong mumbles out, hearing the pitch of her voice rising before she weeps once again to her tissue, making ryujin tug her head to the crook of her neck.

“how are you feeling, hee?” jeongin innocently asked before beomgyu cut him off.

“what do you mean ‘how is he feeling’? he’s freaking crying,” the boy pointed out as heeseung sensed the dried tear tracks on his cheeks before another set seem to threaten to fall. yet, it is still vague for them to actually read what they meant.

“aww, heeseung…” chaeryeong coos as heeseung walks to the extra bed beside yours and sits down, rubbing the areas near both of his eyes with his hands as he felt chaeryeong sits beside him and soothing him down with a hand on his back—he now understands why you seem to love chaeryeong’s hugs so much. he bites his bottom lip to hold himself to not let a tear fall again. yet he failed once again when he looks up to see you holding both of your babies in your arms.

“i’m so fucking proud of her and i just feel awful that she’s the only that could feel that immense amount of pain,” he said his truth, wiping the tears with the hand that has a bandage brandishing his lower arm from the scratch you gave him as you gave birth. the only physical evidence of your pain that he can fully feel. chaeryeong’s soothing hand continues to calm him down as he senses another weight sitting by his side when a hand comes to push him closer to that side, smelling the familiar fragrance of beomgyu as he tucks heeseung’s head to his crook while he lightly messaged his arm.

“you’re going to be the best dad, hee,” beomgyu said as he watched the rest of them nodding their head. yet his eyes are stuck to your sleeping form, feeling the spark now catching fire as he had found the light at the end of the tunnel of guilt, shame, and despair for not being there enough for you for the past months and especially today.

to be the same dad for them and the best boyfriend for you.

-

the same thing couldn’t be said to you as you can feel your mood swinging about when you come home with the babies.

haseul has been helping you within the apartment as she teaches you to use the milk pumper and prepare the breastmilk for them, teaching you various tips to get your pre-pregnancy body back as you felt the belly wrap bound tight around you when you sleep in your shared bed. that’s when the baby monitor turns on when you hear the sound of one of the babies waking you up from the room across yours.

you sit up on the bed, no wick of sleep clear on your face, as heeseung stirs in his sleep when the baby’s cry gets louder from the speaker.

“whose turn is it?” he mumbles, as you stare down at him beside you. you have done graveyard shifts of taking care of your babies numerous times as heeseung couldn’t keep schedule because of his internship. so it is supposed to be his turn now to care for them.

“it’s my turn,” you replied, letting him sleep once again as you heard him hum and slip away into the slumber. his hand reaching to grasp yours before letting out a “good luck” that he has always given to you when it’s your turn to take care of them on the latest of nights.

you step out of your shared bed as you make your way across to the babies’ room to see siah wriggling in her crib, making you walk quickly so that she doesn’t wake her brother up. slowly picking her up, you lift your oversized t-shirt as you brought her lips to one of your nipples.

“come on. latch,” you mumbled as you support siah’s head as best as you can when you felt her latch onto your boob, sucking on the nipples as you feel the milk coming out so she could consume it.

“you’re a hungry, hungry baby, are you?” you lightly nagged her as you stood still, looking at siwoo who was sleeping peacefully with his pacifier even though his sister was crying her heart out. you eyed the room that you and heeseung had decorated as best as you could with the budget you set and your unpredictable schedule of staying here longer or leaving within the year of the rent. in one corner of the room sits the baby gifts people brought to the baby shower. you see the silhouette of the baby car seats you can imagine them using when they’re older so you can take them out and the set pajamas that were bought by heeseung’s family member before you turn to look at the decoration hanging from both of the cribs of animals and stars. another gift from the pile of gifts.

you rested siah’s head on your shoulder and you lightly pat her back, helping her to digest the milk she was drinking—doing everything haseul, mama, heeseung’s mom, and jeongin’s mom have told you. hearing the small burp coming out from her, you wanted to put her down so she could sleep when you sensed her gripping onto your lifted shirt, not wanting to let you go just yet. you sigh as you step to one of their cabinets to find the baby wrap, placing her on the changing station as you wrap the soft, stretchy fabric around your upper body before placing her in her designated slot; securing her legs with the wrap holding onto you tight as taught by haseul who teaches you the right way to use it.

heeseung’s hand reaches for your side, expecting to meet your body or at least your hand in his touch when he feels... nothing.

nothing but your unkept side of the comforter and the creases of the bedsheets as they are the remaining of your being.

he remembered he was woken up by the sound of the baby crying from the monitor. but with it now gone, he was already expecting you to come back to him. yet when he taps more around the surroundings of your supposed side of the bed, his eyes instantly open to see the dark empty space where you should’ve been. he doesn’t care that he has such heavy lids and wobbling steps, he just wants you back in his arms as he sleeps through the night.

opening the door to the babies’s room, he didn’t find your apparatus by the crib soothing one of the babies. heeseung lets his body glide towards the cribs, rubbing the edge of his eyes to make him awake. he eyes siwoo’s crib to find him there, looking like a cute sleepy angel. but he can’t call the same about siah’s as he finds it empty.

“(y/n)?” he calls for you, voice so small with a raspy throat as he didn’t hear your answer, waking him up with a jolt as he realizes that both you and siah aren’t here in the room.

his feet—still wobbly as fuck—brought him to the hallway as his eyes adjust to the dark; seeing the nightlight and his rgb light turned on in the living area helps him to search easier. that’s when he picked up such a clear gush of wind when he turned towards the balcony to see its sheer curtain flowing inside. he then scanned the room to discover one beanbag missing from the other as he approached the window to see it being sat by someone. someone who is sobbing.

drifting the sheer curtain away to the side, heeseung finds the face of his daughter on top of the shaking shoulder wearing a familiar pajama set. head leaning down to the front as the figure adjusts its weight on the beanbag. your hands covering your face as heeseung figures out the sound of the muffled sob coming from you.

“(y/n)?”

you jumped and turned your head around to find heeseung’s alert figure, feeling the weight of siah on you as you wrapped the cloth so tight that it was secure for you to move safely before turning back to gaze at the 3 am sky on the balcony.

“go to sleep. you have work in the morning,” you mumbled out, rubbing your hands against each other.

“i will not sleep if you aren’t,” he answered, joining you as he stepped forward to lean against the railing. the cold wind woke him up as he heard your remaining sniffles, eyes gazing at you as the tranquility seemed to turn your tear’s faucet on once again. he hasn’t noticed just how deep your panda eyes have become, knowing that the babies have awoken you for feeding time at ungodly hours. but that’s when realize how jittery you also become, how you don’t eat as much as you focus on returning your body back to how it was before you’re pregnant; how you can’t seem to define yourself after giving birth.

“i don’t think i’ll be anything other than a mom.”

his ears perk up and he swallows his saliva, processing just how concise yet poignant your words are. reminding him that you have your own perspectives, too.

“i, i don’t know. how can i be anything other than a mom when i’m here, even with all the preparation we've done, still isn’t ready to face it…”

baby blues, he remembered the doula told him as he saw you taking care of the two babies while haseul helped in cleaning the baby bottles up for you.

“you have to be prepared if she got baby blues, heeseung. especially since she’s taking care of two now. she may be hiding some things for you, but you can see it when you see it.”

“how could i help her?” heeseung said, seeing you with siah wrapped with the stretchy cloth on your back as siwoo is currently feeding off of you. a slight glow on your skin as you seem to lightly rock your body to satisfy both of them at the same time.

“help her make time for herself. she is also human with her own mind, body, and soul. help her take care of herself first by taking charge to care for both siah and siwoo.” haseul replied, turning her head so he could see her smirk of acknowledgment—heeseung is one of her students that she is proud of alongside you.

“i know you can.”

“you are also everything including being a mom, (l/n)(y/n),” he spoke, kneeling down beside your figure on the beanbag as he watched your eyes swell.

“you are your parents’ daughter. you are getting a degree in business. you are part of the most chaotic group of friends in the existence of the world. you are a caretaker of so many children who would remember just how fun you are. you’re a guitarist who can keep up and jam out with musicians. you’re a mitski fan who likes to cathartically sing your heart out to her songs. you’re a film watcher and you love japanese movies so much.” heeseung gently grasps both of your chilly hands as he monologues, seeing your swollen eyes closer under the light from the balcony’s ceiling.

“and, you’re my girl. i’m your boy. and i do think you need to embrace that more. let me take care of you.”

you let out a big exhale as a smirk pulls out of you. “if you do, well, take care of me. who would take care of the babies?”

“i would, your parents and my parents would,” he answered, big doe-like eyes trying his best to convince you, “share your burden with me, especially when i’m under your arsenal. i can definitely ask my supervisor to allow me parental leave so i can have time to take care of you and the babies. you can even apply for work-from-home internships during that.”

“then our rivalry will just… stop?” you jokingly asked, but genuinely.

“make it more of like a friendly or romantic rivalry,” he says, leaning upwards as he pecks on siah’s sleeping head on your shoulder. “besides, how could i compete with you if we aren’t on equal terms?”

you hummed as you felt him moving towards your face, kissing your forehead before trailing down to your nose bridge, your eyelids, your cheeks, then your lips—feeling the flattery jump-starting inside you.

“you’re stuck with me now, lee,” you mumbled against his lips, feeling his hand helping you to stand up from the beanbag as he gently held you, foreheads connected as he stared into your eyes that are also sparkling like what the night sky has.

“i’ve been stuck by you for years now and i’ll gladly stick onto you until the fucking heat death of the universe.”

epilogue: one year later

taglist: @raeyunshm @leilasmom @evidive @boba-beom @kwiwin @heesw1fe @aloverga @endzii23 @fluffyywoo @camipendragon @hiqhkey @wccycc @cha0thicpisces @y4wnjunz @yeehawnana @beansworldsstuff @kimipxl @blurryriki @amazzwon @reallysmolrenjun @stelanity @deobitifull @mheretoreadff @gandaengene @amaraeofsunshine @possibly-zoe0218 @enhypenilycometoaus @jaysupremacy @jungwoneez @iwuvjay @erenshawtybae @nctislifue @vixensss @smilefordongil @lhspeachie @b9chira

© writingmochi on tumblr, 2021-2025. all rights reserved

[accio-victuuri]

“when you were in junior high school, i was already in my second year at college. to the second year college student, junior high schoolers are kids. how terrifying.”

this is xiao zhan talking to zhang jingyi during a legend of zanghai bts. while this is true, and i guess, something that is really shocking when you think about it — i’m with all the cpfs right now who remembered how wyb responds when xz says this. compared to the others who just nod along and agree (because it’s the truth), our dear gremlin does his thing and denies that his xiao laoshi is older. or he partly agrees but then adds the fact that xz doesn’t look like his age at all. for the longest time, it’s a fandom favorite and was treated as wyb praising gg cause he likes him. also him not wanting the age gap to be a reason for their relationship to not work. or that it’s somehow an insecurity on wyb’s end, that he’s so much younger.

and while all of those may be valid or not, i also enjoyed the back and forth bickering they do when it comes to their age gap. sometimes yibo would tease xz ( sina visit ) and say his clear skin is because of his youth 😂😂😂

right now i’m actually thinking of how sweet yibo is. how earnest he was towards zz during that time. he must have known that zz thinks the age gap is a big deal. probably even used it as an excuse at some point to dismiss that anything was gonna happen between them. to be fair, yibo was so young when they filmed. barely out of his teenage years. i don’t blame xz. but yibo, with his straightforward personality & being earnest, just dismisses that. wdym you’re old? nope. doesn’t matter. they will make it work. and they did. in xz’s own way too, even if he always highlights like that, there are times that he does it to bobo’s benefit. especially when he says that yibo is his senior in the industry. these days tho, i don’t think this kind of talk is common between them anymore.

it’s so funny too how people were saying he was able to calculate this trivia so quickly cause he was going by him and wyb’s age gap. he just compared bobo’s age to zhang jingyi.

maybe he was aware of this kind of bjyx videos? lol. the first pic and the whole idea of the short video is “When my boyfriend asked me why I didn't meet him earlier” and then it will show why. in this case, it’s pretty easy to understand why. 😂😂😂

-END.

[meikstv]

🎥 now playing - new old money 💴

🎬 and action!

inspired by @kaisaerinlover , lmk if you like my take 🎬

pairing: reo x fem rich!reader

new money reo x old money reader

warnings: unrequited, reader is very much oblivious and uninterested

imagine even richer reader who doesn’t want anything from this man and it aggravates him to no end

readers from olddddd money vanderbilt type old money (both families as well), never has to ask for anything, the word no doesn’t come from anyone but yourself

reo was born with a silver spoon in his mouth but yours was platinum

not impressed by material items, you could probably buy out any brand so you’re not impressed

everything in your wardrobe is name branded, you’ve been in designer since you came out the womb

your background isn’t well known, you only go by your first name

your family doesn’t really do media but your last name holds weight

if you didn’t dress so well people would never know you were from money and even then people think you’re from new money

you didn’t even mean to catch his attention, nagi mentioned you once and he finally looked in your direction (you were not looking in his)

even your meeting with nagi was accidental, he was walking out of a game shop with a brand new console (this man was not interested in their insurance policies, he just wanted to get his console then dip)

you bumped into him and he dropped it, mans was stunned when you took him back to the game store and brought him a new one with the cash in your wallet (insurance covered (you still had cash left over (nagi: :x, :o)))

reo tried perusing you, you were not interested like at all he finally managed to convince you to go on a date, you went to a fancy restaurant (his choice (you didn’t even know it was a date))

you didn’t even look at the prices, he assumed he had to pay the bill and his opinion on you was set

the only reason you didn’t argue about the bill is because he forced you to come out not the other way around (priorities)

he complained about it to anyone who would listen (you’d think this man was broke with the way he was crying), assumed you were only after his money (he thought)

he gave you another chance (you didn’t need it) because nagi convinced him you were chill

next date (again had no idea it was a date) he wanted to prove himself right

his plan was to take you to a high end shopping centre and complain about the prices so much you wouldn’t want to see him again (again he was the one bothering you, you were completely fine not going out again)

the shopping centre couldn’t put a dent in your account, even if you brought one of everything from each store, so again you didn’t look at tags just at what you thought was nice

you were both walking into an hermes store, reo rolled his eyes at your audacity

you were eyeing a bag that you wanted to get customised, you were about to ask a sales rep about your customisations

“i suppose you want me to buy that for you”

statement, not question

you side eyed him

“no, thank you”

boy is floored, and pissed because what do you mean no?

“really it’s no trouble”

“hmm, not what it sounded like”

now he’s annoyed, he knows you have some form of money how else would you have brought his friend a new console, but it couldn’t be that much surely

‘does she want to buy this and go?’

“are you sure you don’t want to have a look around before making a final decision?”

“no, thank you”

he’s confused he doesn’t understand why you’d agree to go out with him again if you were going to spend all your money on one thing (not him assuming you can only afford one thing)

‘maybe she wants to window shop?’

‘maybe she’s deceiving me, why else would she agree to come here?’

‘she’s just waiting for me to feel bad so i have to tap my card’

each theory frustrates him to no end, he’s ready to call baya to collect him from disaster date

he stops in his tracks when you pull out a centurion deluxe black card (imade up the deluxe part, reo technically is rich enough for a centurion card; ineeded a card to show you had more money than him)

jaw dropped

*side eye from you* “do you want something?”

you said it so casually he was almost offended, no he is offended even he only has a regular centurion card

but when he saw your name scrawled on the back, not a parents

he was pissed, even his parents don’t have enough assets to receive an invitation for a centurion deluxe

just how much were you worth (a lot)

“no… thank you” *eye twitch*

it continued like that through the day, you just picked things up not bothering to look at the tags it pissed him off to no end

“don’t your parent get notified when you spend over 20% of your balance?”

it was none of his business but he had to ask, he had to know

“hmm it’s 5% i think”

you pondered while flicking through some sweats you thought would suit your friend

“i’m not worried about that, i get a notification every time I go over 1%”

you continued to casually flick through the clothing rack like you hadn’t just altered the brain chemistry of the boy stood next to you

your phone was on loud, he knew that because you answered a message from your friend whilst baya was driving

you hadn’t had a single notification since he felt sick, you’d been into half the stores already and your purchases weren’t exactly cheap

his final straw was when you entered tiffany’s and brought out all the jewellery they had on display, he watched you phone

he waited, nothing, not one notification

“i think i’m ready to go”

“okay i’m ready whenever you are”

he was eerily silent the whole drive home, but he’s a gentleman he opens your car door and walks you to your porch

“hey y/n? what’s you’re last name?”

you look at him confused

“l/n…”

you walk into your term house (you only stay there during school time), pulling out your phone to call your white haired boyfriend

reo stands there for a moment actually taking in the outside of your home

‘a l/n!?’

walking back to his car he instructs baya to drive, it’s only as they’re driving down your driveway (he failed to notice on the way there) that he pulled out his phone

he had to know

“hey siri, what is the l/n’s net worth?”

*loading*

“the l/n family; made up of 3 generations, are estimated to be worth 665.6-

‘million, i knew it’

he slightly relaxed in his seat

“-trillion yen (4.6 trillion USD)”

reo’s eyes almost fell out of his head

(ithink vanderbilt would be worth around 665.6 trillion yen (4.6 trillion usd) in today’s currency, your family is worth that much but the older generation (grandparents) are still alive, they can afford that premium health care)

‘okay but they have 3 generations surely she’s can’t be worth that much, she has to have extended family as well right?’

“hey siri, what is y/n l/n’s net worth?”

*loading*

“y/n l/n; only heir of both f/n l/n and m/n m/m/n (mother’s maiden name)-“

‘m/m/n, m/m/n? doesn’t sound familiar’

‘come on there’s no way’

“is estimated to be worth 64.3 trillion yen (444.4 billion), until she is old enough to inherit-“

reo had heard enough, even his future inheritance wasn’t a drop in the ocean compared to your current worth

*cue reo throwing a tantrum in the back of his limousine*

*unbothered baya (they’re used to it)*

he’d never been out riched before and now he was determined to secure your favour, he needed to for his own ego

whole time you only went out with him to get to know your boyfriends best friend better

“baby, your friend is weird”

@meikstv | all rights reserved, please do not repost, translate, or claim as your own | dividers by @thecutestgrotto , @bernardsbendystraws & @sxmmerberries

love my purple haired diva 🫶🏾 but not more than my white haired sloth unfortunately 🥴 sorry reo lovers 😞

[ssweeterthanfiction]

Finnick x autistic reader head canons? I can just imagine him trying to deal with her hyper fixations and racing thoughts and random philosophical dilemmas and him just being like “of course, honey, i completely understand, you’re so smart.” with wide eyes.

omg you mean finnick x me?

disclaimer!! this is mainly based off of how autism affects me. autism is different in everyone, so not everyone acts/has the same effects. remember, everyone on the autism spectrum is valid!!

- finnick absolutely would adore listening to you talking about your hyperfixations, even if he doesn’t always understand them. he’d just be so attentive and just so interested in whatever you would be talking about. like he’d totally say “You’re so smart, honey. I love listening to you talk”

- when you have sensory issues, like touching something mushy while washing dishes or when things just get too loud, he’ll be there and help you relax yourself

- he’ll keep a small stress ball in his pocket and give it to you when he sees that you’re getting overwhelmed or stressed out!

- finnick understands that there’ll be days where you just wanna be quiet and not do anything, he’s more than happy to cuddle and lay in bed with you for the whole day!

- when you guys are home in D4, to unwind from all the chaos of the capitol he’ll take you to the private beach in victors village and just hold you while you both sit on a soft towel/sheet. he won’t talk, he’ll just let the sounds of the ocean fill the air as he holds his sweetest girl in his arms.

bonus!!!

- high school boyfriend!finnick odair will let you use his headphones if yours ever die randomly throughout the day so you can drown out the loud noises at school

[madabapf]

With drunken shadowpeach au

I don't really enjoy the prank nezha and redson did on wukong

It also unfair that they only target wukong and ignore macaque part in stealing the wine.

Seeing that wukong has trauma around eating hot things,like for one melt copper and iron pillars,I wouldn't trust Mei and redson and nezha after that,so should wukong.

Because really how can you trust those guys after that,especially with food,he shouldn't trust them with food,they give him.

(please don't read this in a mean way, i have trouble making stuff sound not passive aggressive sometimes- i mean all of this /nm /gen and just wanna explain stuff!)

i understand your concerns and if you don't like it that's fair, you don't have to

but also i think the prank wasn't as bad as you portray it here

yes, the connection to his trauma could be made, but i don't think it makes a lot of sense

because for one, temperature hot and spice hot are not the same and since wukongs blood is literally molten stone/gold, i doubt he has a huge problem with temperature heat in general (at least in my version) i think the trauma from the mountain comes more from being stuck in a place, unable to move for 500 years than being fed molten copper and stuff (while that also wasn't great, it was the lesser of the evils)

but also i feel like that'd be a thing he'd just do you know i mean we're talking about sun "cuts his head off to prove a point" wukong Edit: important note though, that doing something yourself and being forced to do it are very different things. this was more to point out his very high pain tolerance

and while i think he'd have a stronger reaction to spicy hot, it doesn't affect him for that long either we actually have a scene of him reacting to extrem levels of spice, and he recovered within seconds like nothing happened

and just because wukong was the target of this revenge doesn't mean macaque gets away scot free

also the only people in on this prank where ne zha and red son; mei just enjoyed the show

wukong will be a bit wary of what these two try to feed him though.. well at least for ne zha, if red son were to give him food it was already very likely to have a SHU level of at least a million, even without revenge reasons